A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I've been speaking to a guy online for a month. We first started speaking through twitter. The first night we started speaking, we stayed up until 6am. The conversation was incredibly deep, we spoke about everything from religion, to current events happening in the world. I'm 22 and he's 30. I know he's legit as he has family who he tweets regulary and has videos and photos posted. I've never spoke to anyone about topics such as this, i guess my friends aren't like this. After 4 days of speaking on twitter, we exchanged numbers and began texting after that. The first few weeks, we spoke about everything in our life. The conversations would usually last for around 5 hours at least and we would text every day. About a week ago, the conversation turned to a more sexual nature. I wasn't uneasy with it. He was constantly asking if it made me uncomfortable and to tell him to stop if he was going into too much detail. The thing that has really put me off about him is, a few days ago i was having a few drinks at home. I'm not much of a drinker so i got drunk fairly quickly. He was aware of this (reading back over the conversation, it was obvious i was drunk) and long story short, we ended up sexting that night (no photos, just words). The reason i'm a little unsure about this is, when i was reading it back the next day, it was me who really initiated it, i guess. He would state something sexual and i would say something like 'i wish i was there'.I'm not too sure, really. I'm not used to speaking to guys in general.Anyway, i really appreciate any help regarding this. Thank you.
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female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (25 July 2014):
 If all that goes on is texting/messaging it's NOt serious at all.
Personally, (and you can call me a prude if you like) I think sexting and topics in a sexual nature is something that should be kept with people you ACTUALLY know and WANT to be sexual with. You "think" you know this guy... But really you don't. You had some "deep" conversations and some smut-talk...
You say he has family. What do you mean? Like a wife and kids? Or siblings and parents? If it's the first (wife & kids) then yea, he is bad news. If it's the latter, I'd tone down the sexual nature of your conversations and IF you two really WANT to get to know each other, then MEET up at some point (and no, not for sex) but having "deep" conversations over the internet doesn't really tell you a whole lot about who he REALLY is.
And last advice, if you can't handle your drinking, then either PUT your phone away when you are drunk, or... don't drink. Drunk texting (while it can be fun to read) it can also be somewhat embarrassing later on.
A
female
reader, llifton +, writes (25 July 2014):
 I'm a bit confused. You say that you initiated the convo, yet you're put off by him? That doesn't make sense to me. Are you insinuating that you feel 'taken advantage of' due to your drunkenness. And that he should have known you were drunk and not pushed the envelope? What am I missing here?
While I am all about making sure people are consenting to sex beforehand, and that sex with a really intoxicated person is a very bad thing, I hardly have ever heard of an instance of someone being too pushy and forward while a girl was drunk while 'sexting' (god, I hate that term. I wish it didn't exist. It's so ridiculous). That's a new one. But as I said, you claim you initiated it. Who could really blame him for going along with it? He also told you to stop him if you didn't like it. He gave you an out. You haven't asked him to, so he rightfully thinks it's okay.
Either way, I agree, it's too much computer time or text messaging time. Have you even actually spoken over the phone? Met in person? Anything of the sort? Have you ever even heard his voice before? If not, don't you think that's important? Virtual relationships are phony in nature. You can't get to know someone through texting or words on a computer screen. You get to know someone by speaking to them. Seeing how they interact in the real world.
This guy doesn't seem to be bad news. I don't necessarily think he's a bad guy. But I would get bored as hell of the lack of real, legitimate conversation. Yes, you may be having deep conversation. But nonetheless, it's all typed words. You don't even know him.
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A
female
reader, janniepeg  +, writes (25 July 2014):
 That's too much time on the computer. I wonder if he's too broke to date or got nothing else better to do. Maybe when you see him in person you would be disappointed and realize why he has to hide behind a computer screen all this time. He has time for you, that's for sure. He just doesn't want to spend money on you, then risk a rejection when he asks for sex so he went straight to the sexting to gauge a response and he did get a positive response. So you know the next step could be meeting up for sex. If online is all he could handle then he is truly a time waster.
To answer your question, not bad news in the sense that he is a predator, out to take your innocence, since you are of age and you consented to sexting. But all that talking and no meeting could imply that he has confidence issues in real life. Don't mistaken deep conversation as a real connection. You need to do things together. He must think that "girls like talking, they like being listened to, that will get a girl to like me when boys her age don't do that." Sounds too much like he is using talking to compensate for something that's lacking in him.
Most people desire sex, but it is not good etiquette to bring it up when you two haven't met yet. I get that you are not going to just end this when nothing bad has happened. So why don't you ask him what his intentions are beyond sexting? Is he interesting in dating, etc. I am sure you aren't really that satisfied with just texting.
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