A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:i have been with my bf for a year now and i can honestly say i love him. although i am confused and feel that he does not love me. so far we havent said the "i love you". i can honestly say i am afraid and i feel like he doesn't.in the begining of the relationship he told me he loved me after 2 months. this was when my guard was up because our relationship was new and we got together 2 weeks after dating. i told him are you sure because i don't want to say it back if he doesnt mean it. (he is 24, i am 22) i am 22 living on my own though because my mom passed away and so forth..anyway.. during that time he got really pushed back when we went out for drinks and well i told him i loved him forever . i do know my feelings and i do really love him....soon after we had a talk that we would take it slow. i agreed because our relationship was new and took a step back to see if my feelings felt the same...that was nearly 9 months ago and i know now that i really do love him.my feelings remained the same and grew .. he is a really busy guy and a good guy. i know he would not cheat on me because he really is into working out and is a coach at a crossfit gym and works with kids. he is really busy (so am i with work school etc) i only see him on weekends and fairly during the weeknow that it has been a year idk if he loves me. not sure how men think or act.i asked others and they suggest that its because he is focused on his career right now. not sure what to do at this point. i really do miss him during the week. he rarely ever tells me he misses me. he comes from a family where is parents are divorced and sister is a single mom. he lives with his mom who is always going out...im really afraid to have this talk with him i know that saying that if he doesnt love you then why are you with him etc... although if this helps when he does see me, he is really affectionate with me and shows like he cares...we did have a talk a few weeks ago where i told him i do get lonely sometimes because i rarely talk to him during the week. i asked him if he misses me and he says he cant answer that but doesnt showing me in actions help.
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female
reader, janniepeg  +, writes (21 December 2014):
 There are people who say "I love you" without planning for the future. Love is just an expression for them, when they feel like it at that moment. I don't know why he can't say he misses you. I would just take that as he doesn't really miss you.
A person can of course love you and miss you when they are busy focusing on career. It doesn't mean your partner just dropped off the earth.
I am not sure if you can say it's a man thing to be unexpressive and aloof when it comes to relationships. What do you call men who make their wives feel loved and important then?
I understand it's a competitive world and men feel like they have to be on top of things if they want to survive. At the same time a man who wants to be in a serious relationship will make sure they make time for it. The thing that makes a difference between a workaholic or a boyfriend drifting apart, or a boyfriend being serious is that he would involve you in future plans. Family background can change how a person perceives relationships but many people from single parent households also want love and be married.
You shouldn't be afraid to have a talk with him. In your case ignorance is not bliss because you worry about if there's a deadline to a relationship. Your needs are not being met. You are not happy just settling for the once a weekend affections. You worry your whole future with him and that your role is just a weekend girlfriend, for an indefinite period of time such as when your fertility years are over. You don't have to get married next year but it will be good to hear from him when he thinks he is ready to get married, or at all.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (20 December 2014): Why can't he answer as to whether or not he misses you? A year is a long time to be with someone without telling them you love them. I took things slow with my boyfriend; we have been together for 4 years but first said we loved each other after 3 months. This is not normal.... what is the point in being in a relationship if he has no feelings towards you? Where is his logic in being in a relationship for 1 year with no emotion? Your life is short and precious.... He needs to start thinking about what he really wants and not stringing you along for his career. Talk to him to see where this is going, explain how you feel. If he doesn't love you after being with you for this long, he never will. I think you need to know where you stand - make or break it.
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