A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Hey guys. I have a question about a fwb. First off, I'm a gay female. I have been friends with this girl off and on for years, but have never hooked up until recently. We used to work together and I always thought she was sexy as hell, and we kind of innocently flirted, but she was in a relationship at that time. She eventually got another job and we didn't keep in much contact at all after that. However, when she broke up with her gf about a year later, she randomly contacted me to see if she could come have a drink at the bar I bartend at. Of course, I said yes. She came in, we talked for a while, and then went out for drinks after that. We talked til about 4am. Kinda wanted to try something with her but chickened out. She then gets into another relationship shortly after that and we go back to hardly communicating. They break up about a year or two later, and once again, she gets in touch with me. This time, we both admit that we have wanted sex from each other, and plan to meet up. We do, and we go back to my place. Great sex, lots of chemistry. She spends the night and then leaves the next morning. After this, we continue talking and agree that we enjoy the sex and always enjoyed each others friendship, so we agreed to be legit fwb, as she was still hurting over her ex and so was I. I've never been one for relationships, as I am very picky. I don't date much. Neither does she, so this worked out great. We talked every now and again and I could tell we both kept each other very much at an emotional distance. We were always cordial, but I could just feel there was a lack of any attachment there for either of us.A couple weeks pass, and we go out again. We go drinking with some friends of mine and then go back to my house. She spends the night again, and leaves the next afternoon. Once again, great sex. This time, after our hookup though, our dynamic changes a bit. She texts me every day now, and we talk to each other on a very friendly basis. She cares about what I think of her, and how she looks, and her overall tone has completely changed. She is sweet to me and much more open than she ever was before. She begins to share personal things with me, etc.Fast-forward to last night and we go out for new years eve together. We meet up with some friends of mine, and somewhat act like a couple, which is new. She stays near me all night and doesn't leave my side. We buy each other drinks all night. Other people tried to kiss her and she rejected them completely (not sure she would have done that before). Also, in the car when we were about to leave, we made out for about 10 minutes. Just kissing. Then drove home and proceeded to NOT HAVE SEX AT ALL. We sat in bed just shooting the shit. Talked for a couple hours, then passed out. Woke up today and talked for a while more before I had to get ready for work, then she headed home. Then tonight, we were talking, and I mentioned how I haven't been out to a nice dinner and wine in a while, and she said we should go, and that she would take me out. We planned where we are going to go, etc. We also proceeded to say how much fun we had with each other the night before, and how we really enjoy each others company. I mentioned how I actually had a really great time, even without the sex, and she seemed genuinely surprised and said "awww...so you're not totally using me for sex lol." To which I replied I'd never used her before and that I always enjoy her company.I'm perfectly okay with either scenario - us just merely being fwb or becoming more. That's where I'm different from a lot of women. I'm totally okay with hooking up, no strings attached. But I also am open to the idea of it becoming more, as I'm kinda somewhat interested in her and see her as potential gf material. And I can't quite tell if it's progressing to that point or not. I can't tell if we are just great pals who like to have sex? Or if we are developing feelings for each other. I'm okay either way, I just can't tell. From this situation, does it seem like she's interested at all? Does she seem to be getting more and more interested? Or are we just good friends at this point? Opinions are greatly appreciated.
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female
reader, janniepeg  +, writes (3 January 2016):
 A lot of people think once you are FWB, you are stuck there and that's what you want forever. So maybe that's why she dated another girl but didn't ask you. Maybe she doesn't want to scare you off. You are pretty cool, so slowly she should feel comfortable about sharing her feelings. Also to know that people can be flexible about relationships. Flexible yet able to be loyal once serious. I do think the difference between male and female FWBs, and lesbian FWBs. There is no concept of the Madonna/whore complex, like how men put women into two boxes. You are both women so you are equally able to connect through sex. She sounds like she is interested. You are not just friends because you had sex already. If you want to be exclusive then you are dating.
There is always one who wants to be in charge. You can both be in charge and talk about exclusivity together.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (3 January 2016): maybe she bit woried of comitment in case it goes wrong..so by not always having sex .she finds out if you anything else in common .be worth having nice chat .how she feels how you gell and come to a comprimise .but if your both happy as things stand and understand oneonother .thats good ..i could be wrong but who knows .gyou were both compatable in bed more that once and can meet without sex so worth the chat .open chst not comeing over too jeavy .and good luck take care of eachother hopefully..and just enjoy
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