A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I don`t know whether I am in love with my boyfriend. I dont know whether I am in love with my boyfriend , I think I love him. We firstly moved in together when we were just mates and he kept asking me out and asking me out and I said no until I got sick of him asking me so i agreed to go out with him. Now we are still living together but I dont feel like there is any excitement there. We dont have much money and we can`t afford to go out so I feel cooped up all the time. I miss having my own social lift and friends as i used to go out and its important for me to have a bit of variety. I sometimes feel like I am going out with him because he wanted to. I guess I just wander if I hadnt moved in with him would I be going out with him now ??He has mentioned he wants to marry me and have children one day with me but it makes me feel scared. I had a tough time in my twenties and I was in a lot of debt and am just beginning to get clear of debts. I have just got a really good job with a decent salary and feel that I would like some me time and treat myself to clothes and a social lift. The idea of even having children fills me with dread. I feel that I now want a career and some me time, not children and not nessarily marriage. Does this make me weird ??
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, Danielepew  +, writes (6 July 2007):
 An excellent answer from LauraE.
A
female
reader, LauraE +, writes (6 July 2007):
I take it that on your salary you could afford to enjoy yourself more if you were on your own, but living with your boyfriend leaves you with little spending money? Do you think that if you could get out more, you might feel less trapped and happier in your relationship? If so, you should be able to have a bit more freedom now that your debts are getting cleared. Not all socialising costs a lot of money.
It’s the question of marriage and children or not that’s the tricky bit. Unfortunately, I can’t say, you’ve got years and years ahead of you, so don’t worry about children yet. Looking at your age range, bluntly, you haven’t. If you are nearer 30 than 35, then of course there is more room for manoeuvre. Are marriage and children important to you? If they are and you can’t see it happening with this man, then you need to move on because perfect husbands and fathers can take a while to find. And if you want to enjoy your last dose of freedom first, then you need to get your skates on. If you don’t know what you want in that respect, then there’s no point worrying about it, just think about this relationship. If you honestly feel that negotiating yourself a bit more freedom won’t help you, then you are wasting your time and his. The sooner you leave, the sooner you can enjoy yourself, and he can move on as well.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (6 July 2007): Hi love,
No this does not make you weird it make you honest with yourself, and now you should be honest with your b/friend.
You sound unhappy relationship wise and socially you want different things, You want to go out and let your hair down and he want a wife and family....You have to sit and talk with him, making someone else happy does not make you happy expecially in cicumstances as these.. Its good to want to make people happy but we have to draw the line somewhere or we just end up bitter and miserable, and love thats no way to live, I understand the pressure you must have been under moving in and the constant asking out bit, but it has to be put right so you can both move on, As you question yourself that you love him, And if you really did there would be no question... I hope thigs work out for you TAKE CARE OF YOU LOVE MANDY XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX
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