A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Hi i've been with my bf for 5 years and although i love him the fear of getting closer to marriage kinda scares me. It's so weird b/c marriage is all i used to think about with him..during our 2nd and 3rd year dating were were looking at rings for fun and i couldn't wait to start our life together. However lately ive been having mixed feelings about being with my bf forever. He's the only guy i've ever dated and have nothing to compare him too and sometimes i wish i had that opportunity to date around..i'm not saying that's really what i want to be doing now but its a thought that crosses my mind once in a while. He's a good guy and loves me and although we have our issues i know he'd marry me tomorrow. He's always asking me to move in and i can't even see myself doing that..for religious reasons as well. I dont know if it's the committment that's all of a sudden scaring me away or the desire just to see what else is out there before i commit myself to this man forever. I feel really awful and terrible feeling this way and have spoken to my bf about my feelings and now i'm wondering if i should take a break just to clear my mind..any suggestion? thanks for listening
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female
reader, tennisstar88 +, writes (23 August 2010):
 I was your age when I was engaged the first time, we were engaged after 2 years, moved to another state to be with. We moved in together and he was a totally different person, controlling, possessive, clingy, etc. I couldn't take it, I started to have doubts, we were supposed to get married in sept, I pushed off the date because I started having doubts and then was in denial. To make a long story short, I prolonged the inevitable making it a nastier break-up than I expected. Moved back to my home state and 2 years later met my husband. If you have any doubts whatsoever now, you need to break off the engagement as soon as possible because it wasn't ment to be and it's ok to walk away. Do you really want to walk down the aisle having all these doubts?
A
male
reader, RAINORFIRE +, writes (23 August 2010):
 you should marry him if you love him... just dont have any chilldren till your sure its the life you want.. you have a guy that loves you and wants to be with you... your not going to find anything better out there playing the field.. plus its wrong to string this guy along while you search for prince charming... the way i see it is if this is the only guy youve ever been with then youve been spared an abusive relation ship a stalker, breakups the jealous ex and a broken heart... Ive been on the other side of this i let her go and in time she came back wounded crying parts of her soul given to so many others worn out tired of the battle field that love is with a heavy broken heart she came back. you want to see whats out there ok just remeber all things have a cost.
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A
male
reader, CaringGuy  +, writes (23 August 2010):
I think you should just end it. Taking a break often is the death anyway. Very rarely do relationships get back on track after a break. I don't think you're ready to be totally committed, and I think spending time on your own life doing what you want would be a good idea. You will not get this chance again if you fail to take it now. This boyfriend could be more of a safety blanket for you than anything else. So, it's time for you to get out there and live your own life. Another guy will come along, and when he does, no doubt you'll commit. But this guy you're with now is not the one.
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