A
female
age
30-35,
*avanna85
writes:I just don't know what to do anymore. I've gone on here more than once about this particular subject, and every time it just gets worse and worse. It's about my friend who can't make up her mind on whether or not she wants to be a good friend or a bad friend. I'll call her X . Just when I thought I could brush off anything and just keep my feelings to myself, I found out that she had been talking about me behind my back. (and not just about me, others as well, and she was rude right to the person she was talking to)Well apparently X was talking to one of my other friends, let's say Y . Well X told Y that Y looked anorexic. After saying this, she went on to talking about other people in our class, and she told Y that I was slightly overweight.Now the two things that bother me most, are a.) She said this behind my back when a few days earlier, we had been dress shopping and the dress I had didn't fit and I said it was because I had a big belly. (I'm not overweight, but I do have a bit of big tummy) Well when I said this, she's like "no, you don't have a big belly" and I'm like "yes I do, it's sticking out right here. You can't tell me it's not there when I see it." So basically she likes to lie to my face and then talk about what she really thinks behind my back. b.) is the fact that she's bigger than I am!! She's one of the biggest people in our class! My size for pants and dresses are about 10-11. She is in the 1x-2x range, so should she really be able to say whether or not someone else is overweight? Most things I just brush off, but this, I don't know, I feel like it's just a step to far. I've been through it all and this just pushed me over the edge. But the problem is, I can't just avoid her. All of my friends are friends with her, (although they all feel the same way I do, she's just one stubborn person that nobody can get through to. She'll ignore what you say and push everything back on you as if it's your fault for everything)so if I wanted to distance my self from her, it's kinda hard considering we all sit at the same lunch table and all hang out together. Plus she and I have the same last name, so our lockers are right next to each other, and like at graduation we're going to have to sit next to each other, so it's not like I want to be on bad terms with her before the end of the year. But I'm just finding it harder and harder to tolerate her. The only reason I've remained friends with her is because I know deep down she can be a good friend, but the times that she is is very very rare. Half the time she's busy interfering, pushing her opinions on you, bringing others down when she really should be supporting them, and just the list never ends! Now my predicament is, that I had this really fun idea for her birthday gift in February, which was attending a musical based off one of our favorite band's albums, and I was planning on purchasing me and her tickets well over $100 for good seats, but now that I find out that she's talking behind my back, (and who knows for how long she's been doing this, I'm sure I annoy her a lot just because she needs to control everything and sometimes I just don't let her) and so now I really don't even want to do this for her. It seems like a waste of my money to pay for her to go enjoy something when really she doesn't deserve it. Yea she'll use the fact that she spends so much money on gifts for me, but it's not like I tell her to go all out for me. Maybe a book or a CD or something, but not $200 worth of gifts!! I know it seems like a really nice gesture, but really she's just trying to buy her friendship from us. I know this because of the fact that she always brings up "well I spend $200 worth of stuff on you, and I paid for this and this" one time I caught her mumbling "it's nice to get something you want isn't it?" Half the time, she buys me and other friends stuff that we don't even want. Twice the school was offering certain t-shirts, and me and a friend specifically told her that we didn't want them. They were just shirts, we knew we didn't need them and they weren't even that great, but she's like "You do too want them" and then she expected us to pay her back $10 for something we didn't even want. I don't know. I'm sick and tired or her b^^^^it. But I feel like there's nothing I can do! People say "oh don't take things to heart" or "don't go tell someone every single thing you hate about them" but then others say "don't bottle up your feelings, tell people how they're making you feel". What am I supposed to do?! It's driving me insane!! The biggest problem of all is like I said before. We all feel the same way about her, but for some reason we all keep putting up with her. Most of my friends are religious, (I'm not) so they say that they can forgive her because everyone deserves to be forgiven. But you know what, I can't! She pushes people way to much simply for her own satisfaction. She makes us feel like she's the superior one. Like she's a million times smarter and better than we'll ever be. Well I'm sick of it, but I feel like I'm trapped until graduation when I can go my own way to the college I like 5 nice long hours away from her.
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anorexic, money, overweight, trapped Reply to this Question
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female
reader, goldie22  +, writes (19 November 2011):
You need to confront her because the behaviour isnt nice.Tell her that you know she talked about you behind your back and that if she has issues then she needs to tell you and not others. Then just leave it at that.
A
female
reader, tennisstar88 +, writes (18 November 2011):
 NOTE: And what have people said each time you've wrote about her? If this post is anything like the others, then people have been telling you to cut ties with this friendship. Why don't you take the advice people have given you?
Anyways, stop letting her buy your friendship. It's a nice gesture, but it's unnecessary. Let this "friendship" go!!! Why wait till graduation and college? Give it some distance now! Just because your other friends are choosing to remain friends with her (which is stupid) doesn't mean you have to go along with them! Take action and dump your friend. Sorry, but there's no other choice.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (18 November 2011):
 She sounds like she is really unhappy with herself. It it easier to criticize and push others around then take charge of yourself and your life.
Honestly, I would avoid her as much as possible. And yes, DO forgive her, not for her sake, but for your own. Carrying around that much "dislike and annoyance" is just not good for you.
Stop accepting grifts from her, jsut tell her no thanks and walk away.
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