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female
,
anonymous
writes: I am 37 years old and have had a male friend for approx 20 years - for a number of these year we have been romantically linked and he has lived with me for a while - my sister is married to his brother. Two years ago, he left me and has married somebody else with whom e has a child. She has said that she is unhapp with our friendship and he is asked me to conform to her wishes. Our relationship has continued both emotionally and sxually whilst he has been married and now I seem to have no option but to ut all ties. I'm not sure I can do it. How do I move on fom here considering I have thought of him as my best frind and he has been part of my life for as long as I can remember?
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female
reader, beentheredonethat +, writes (7 March 2006):
 He has moved on...he married someone else.
Now the wife has caught on that there is probably more between you than past smoke and told him he must Choose. He has.
It's painful....but it is not the end of the world.
You must move on too.
How? Well it is totally up to you.
For some people simply meeting a new person is enough.
Some find a change of address, town or job makes them feel better....you are free...pick somewhere you like and Move.
Your job may force you to stay were you are...in that case pick some hobby that you have always wanted to try or start a little business....do something that requires lots of time...it will give you avenues to new friendships and take your mind off your lost friend.
Take a vacation. Go somewhere wonderful. Treat yourself to a spa. Read 20 really good books. Join a club. There are a million ways to find a new place to begin...once you start you will have a hard time choosing what to do next...everything will be exciting...if you allow it to be.
You are 37, not 87...you have lots of time to seek new things and find joy.
Look at your 20 years with him as something special...but done. It proves you can have a long term relationship...now find one who wants YOU.
Don't mope or wonder why this ended...
accept. Then build a new path and take joy in every step.
A
female
reader, shania  +, writes (4 March 2006):
 This man has been using you for the last 20 years...dont you think that if you were the one for him...he would of built up a future with you by now....he has got you dangling on a string and you are letting him.He is married with a child...his wife doesnt feel comfortable with your friendship and her husband...and to top it up your married fella has told you to back off because of this.Please walk away right now...this man is selfish..he wants it all...the little wife at home and free sex with no strings attached with you...and you call that friendship?
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A
male
reader, eddie  +, writes (4 March 2006):
 First of all, take a look in the mirror and realize how selfish and out of line you've been. Then call Romeo over and let him take a gander too. At himself I mean. Grow up and leave him alone. What are you trying to prove? You're number two. He's a creep too.
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