A
male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:My girlfriend and me are facing a huge crisis and it's all my fault.We have had an amazing time together. I have found someone who loves me with all her heart and would do anything to make me happy. The trouble is, my feelings for her are not as strong and I hate myself for it. It makes me feel guilty and that I am not worthy of the love she gives me. How can I be if I can't offer the same in return?I am her first boyfriend, but I have had numerous girlfriends in my life. I know how it feels to have a first love. It's possibly the purest, most innocent feeling of love anyone can feel. I feel I cannot match it and for that reason I worry that we will not last. This is why I am considering my future with her. I do so for the sake of us both... but it's so hard. I'm so upset about it. I don't want to lose her and I don't want to hurt her.This is so difficult. I feel like I'm doing the right thing one minute and the next minute I'm horrified that things have gotten this far. And I feel so awful about what this must be doing to her. She loves me, I love her... why do I feel like I have to leave her? What should I do? Has anyone else ever felt this way? Please, please advise, I cannot go on like this! Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, k_c100 +, writes (25 March 2013):
 "She loves me, I love her" - well then you dont have any problems. You are thinking back to your first love and you are punishing yourself for not feeling those same 'first love' feelings. Just because this love is not your first love, does not mean it is not as strong, or not as good.
Do you see a future with this girl? Does she make you happy? Do you enjoy being with her? Do you want to make this work?
I think you need to get out of your own head, stop creating drama for no reason and grow up. I actually think you are struggling because perhaps for the first time this relationship has no problems, you are happy and that is making you uncomfortable - all of your past relationships have gone wrong, and now with this one you cant find any faults so you are creating drama in your head so you have something to worry about.
What 'type' of love she has for you compared to the 'type' of love you have for her is irrelevant - as long as you love her, want to make her happy, will be faithful to her and will do your best by her that is all that matters. Your love for each other will change and grow as time goes on, the more years you spend together the more you will become so intwined that you wont be able to find it conceivable to ever be apart.
So please, stop worrying over nothing, stop creating uneccessary drama and just enjoy the fact that you are both happy. And if you ever think about this so called 'crisis' again, remind yourself that she is happy with you and in love, so imagine how much worse it would be to break up with her compared to your so called 'lesser' love for her. She obviously hasnt noticed this 'lesser' love, even though you are her first boyfriend she will still understand when someone doesnt feel the same, she would have noticed if she felt you didnt love her like she loves you. So if she hasnt noticed anything, then what is the problem? She is not unhappy with your 'lesser' love for her, but she would be hugely unhappy and heartbroken if you left her. So dont purposely make her unhappy just because of some silly drama you have created in your own head.
A
male
reader, SensitiveBloke +, writes (25 March 2013):
 It's going to be difficult, but you have to be honest with your girlfriend about your feelings.
The most loving thing to do is to release her so she can meet someone who can love her back as much as she loves them.
It's the best thing in the long run.
I wish you all the best.
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