A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:i've been with my boyfriend for just over 4 years! Im 22 he is 26 he is a great bloke and is loving and caring, but we hardly have sex, maybe once every two weeks, he never makes me feel sexually attractive, he doesnt make me feel like i turn him on. I have told him this so many times, and he blames it on being tired or stressed. So we went on holiday and it was the same, we had sex once and he wasnt great i didnt feel anything. i didnt enjoy it one bit think i did it for the sake of doing it, im not sure that lack of sex has now just made me give up. At 22 i should be wanting it much more then i do now :(I went out with a friend and met another guy, nothing happened we exchanged numbers and have been texting and emailing, just friendly. But im now having thoughts about this other guy and im craving sex and having that connection. My boyfriend is not very great with being vocal but he makes sex kind of embarasin for us both and after 4 years thats not normal, just don't know what to do as ive told him so many times, ive even said it could end to cheating if things dont change as ill get the attention off another man! We have broken up before TWICE because of me being sexually attracted to other men!
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female
reader, ADVICENTE  +, writes (28 April 2009):
 I would definetly have a talk with him for him to rethink your relationship, becauase at 22 sex should be nonstop! What about trying different things in bed, toys, pornos make the sex alittle more interesting for both of you. Toys are great for both in bed. Try it if no change, your too young to not be noticed by him.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (28 April 2009): Its obvbious sex is important to you, and your right it is an essential part of a relationship and only way things can improve is if you both agree to make things work and maybe work things out together, when i had problems with my partner i made sure we sat down in a calm and open conversation. both of us made points that we niether knew we were doing or not doing.
However if things are going to improve he's going to have to learn not to palm it off as stress of work, making excuses is easy, he needs to understand its affecting how you feel about him and the relaionship. Badgering him with threats of cheating ain't going to make things better either, it would probably drive his esteem to the ground.
Both of you need to sit down calmly and have a open conversation about why this has happened and how both of you feel, even if its going to be hurtfull both of you need to agree to be carm and thinkif ways to sort it out.
If he doesnt want to do this then its about time you rethink if the relationship is worth putting effort into. Hope this helps and good luck.
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A
female
reader, Emilysanswers +, writes (28 April 2009):
You are only 22 and you've been with him since you were 18 so I can understand that you think he's amazing, but hun there are other great blokes out there.
Sex is very important and the fact that you have even told him you are going to cheat on him if he doesn't improve says to me that you know that.
Yes, sex drives are a very common reason to split up with someone. If you don't match then you don't match. You'll never be happy.
Can you honestly imagine the rest of your life with this little sex?
I couldn't do it.
Good Luck!! xx
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (28 April 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI have tried dressing up but he didnt seem to fussed just the same as if i was wearing pyjamas, hes not a confident lover! Hes very affectionate with kisses and hugs!! Is sex really that important in a relationship?
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (28 April 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionHe is very happy in the relationship he wants to marry me, wants to have kids with me, im with him becoz he is a great man, caring, trusting, loving a good bloke which are rare to come by. Im scared ill end it with him and then realise i lost a great guy. I got back with him becoz the other men i got with were rubbish!
Is lack of sex enough to break up with someone?
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A
female
reader, Emilysanswers +, writes (28 April 2009):
Well there is NO magic way you can change your boyfriend.
You've talked about it, you've split up over it (why did you get back with him?) and you have to accept that this is just the way he is. You may as well be complaining that his eyes are the wrong colour. He can't change.
Why are you with him? Because you are used to him being around? Because you don't want to feel you have "wasted" 4 years?
Split up with him. You are not happy, it's just time for this to come to and end so you can both move on. I doubt he is very happy with the relationship either.
Good Luck!! xx
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A
female
reader, Carrie191204 +, writes (28 April 2009):
This can happen to the best of couples.My partner and i have had droughts in the past!Spice things up!!!!!!It worked for us!!Surprise him in some sexy underwear,dance for him or experiment with positions,also if your comfortable tie each other up and blindfold each other,just have some fun!!!!If this doesn't work its time to have a serious chat,i hope this helps :)x
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (28 April 2009): Why are you with your boyfriend? He obviously doesnt give you any emotional or very little physical attention, and since you have already discussed it with him and there has been no change, do you honestly see a future in this relationship? Can you honestly say that if you were dating a man who paid attention to you and gave you sufficient sexually that you would be happy. If the answer is yes then I suggest that you think carefully about ending your current relationship.
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