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female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes: Im 25 and i never had a boyfriend. Since my teenage years, i was never worried about dating or having a boyfriend, i would only focus my self on studying and making myself happy. I started going on dates since i was 19, and i would say, we would go on a few dates/hangout and then we stop talking, but i wouldn't mind it anyways. Many friends think that I'm secretly a lesbian because i never had a boyfriend. During my college years, i had almost a little to 0 time to worry about a boyfriend, and i was the only girl among my friends who isn't in a relationship. My friends are always hunting for a bf/gf when they break up , and i never ever felt the huge need to be in a relationship. Im 25, fully independent on myself and would consider myself successful, and my mom thinks it's my time to start looking for a boyfriend, however, every time i meet a man, i would get along with him at first, and then i would just not be interested in him as a boyfriend. Until now, I'm not thinking to have a boyfriend. Is there is something wrong with me to think that way? And just out of curiosity, why people think that getting into a relationship is a must? And why would they depend on others to be happy? Why do they think I'm secretly a lesbian because i never had a boyfriend?
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male
reader, N91  +, writes (28 July 2018):
 Nope, nothing wrong.
I’m 26 and didn’t have my first GF until this age. I always enjoyed the freedom that I had but then got to a point where I felt ready to settle down and met the right girl. Don’t let anyone make you feel like you’re odd because you’re not doing what people ‘think’ you should be doing.
Live life how you want and go at your own pace.
A
female
reader, Youcannotbeserious +, writes (28 July 2018):
 Isn't it amazing how people will try to put others "in boxes" and make them fit THEIR picture of how things SHOULD be? It makes me laugh and a bit sad at the same time.
Not being interested in having multiple boyfriends does not make you a lesbian. To be a lesbian, you need to be sexually/emotionally interested in females. You haven't stated that you are. Being a lesbian is not a "fall back" setting, i.e. if you are not interested in having a boyfriend then you MUST be a lesbian. That is just rubbish.
You sound like a very level headed balanced young lady, a type hard to find these days. You have worked out that happiness comes from within, that you are responsible for your own happiness. I predict you will lead a far happier and less stressed life than your friends who think others have to provide their happiness.
It is possible you are "asexual" - i.e. not really interested sexually in EITHER males or females. What is far more likely is that you have just not met anyone who is worthy of your long term interest. Given the independent young lady you are, I predict it will take a very special man to catch and keep your interest. In my view, you should only bring people into your life who are going to help you grow, especially long term partners.
What are your passions? What do you care deeply about? Join groups interested in the same things and you will make friends with like-minded people. You are far more likely to meet someone worthy of your long term interest in this way.
Dating is all about "trying before you buy". It is all about seeing how you get on and whether there is any future for you. You are going to discard a lot of boyfriends before you find someone who you believe is right for you. That is the purpose of dating. However, there is no sense in going out with guys you just know are not right for you. You've given it a shot, it didn't work out. Move on - as you have been doing.
Stay true to yourself and never feel you have to change just to make others comfortable. Above all, be happy.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie  +, writes (28 July 2018):
 If you are not really looking to have a relationship or a BF, then don't.
1. Why do people think having a partner is a must?
Mostly I think that is just basic nature. After-all, THAT is why we are here on Earth... to procreate. And that takes ONE man and ONE woman (unless you get outside help). Most humans are not solitude creatures. We like company. We are not like Leopard (example) who rather be on their own. We are social creatures, some more than others.
I think as long as you keep a good healthy circle of friends, and don't let FEAR of the unknown hold you back I don't REALLY see the big deal in you not wanting to date.
I don't think it's something people should do unless they really want to, same with having kids or any number of things.
Just like I don't think women who really do NOT want children should somehow just have them anyways.
I think it's OK to say no to things that many other people say yes to.
2. Why would they depend on others to be happy? Because they probably haven't learned to make themselves happy and they might also believe the "social norm" of happily ever after that IMPLIES that you won't be happy unless you find your "Prince Charming. However, if they FEEL more happy with a partner, then that is none of your concern. What makes YOU happy might not make them happy and vice verse. You do you. They do themselves.
3. Why do they think you are a lesbian?
Perhaps because it is easier for them to comprehend your disinterest in dating guys, if you were into women. but you might get a better answer if you just ask them next time they pull out the "lesbian card" on you.
4. Lastly, is there something wrong with you? I don't really think so. How big you want your "World" to be is up to you.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (28 July 2018): Honestly, I was the same way. Never felt the need to look for it. If anything, just wanted something to happen naturally. Then just this year out of the blue, I find out someone is interested in me and suddenly we start dating. I'm nearly 24 and felt exactly as you did. Even had family thinking the same thing. There's nothing wrong with you. Just let things happen naturally and you'll be pleasantly surprised. I never felt like I needed a boyfriend, but now that I'm with someone, I've realized how nice the company is
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