A
male
age
41-50,
*picly123
writes:Hey everyone,I'll cut to the chase. Im a 29 year old male, been with my girlfriend for 8 years, going on 9. She's 27. We've both had our ups and downs and have been through some devastating situations, trust issues, etc. I love her dearly, she's my best friend, but lately, actually a year or more, i've been feeling like i want to be alone again. Meaning, not in a relationship. I have been aiming to focus on myself lately, soul searching, if you will. And i just dont want to be with her any longer. Im not sexually attracted to her anymore, sex is quite difficult when you really arent into a person. Im impatient, dismissive, have tons of anxiety, sleepless, etc. All these emotions stem from my constant battle to maintain a stable emotional state, hoping that i'll get better, that this is a phase and it'll pass.Im scared, hesitant, to bring this up to her. we really do have a very open and supportive relationship, but i dont see how this news is going to be an easy delivery.All i want is to be happy. The way i see it is, that this is my life, i live once and i should make the best of it. Whether that entails breaking a sweet girls heart, i guess i can chalk it up to "just how it goes", yet knowing she'll be better for it in the end.I love her, she's my friend, but i dont see us being happily married, if it ever comes to that. i have always felt that after a few of our past issues, we probably shouldve separated and started fresh with others. But we kept strong and marched on and actually made some remarkable changes and strides in our lives. Currently, we're very busy with personal projects and our careers, yet still find time to be at home and do activities together. I just feel, have always felt, insecure about our relationship, felt like there was someone out there who TRULY is my soulmate. Basically, im saying, im NOT in love with her after all these years, yet STILL DO, very much so, love her. What advice, if any, can you offer to me to help me through this distress. Im a wreck, i cant focus and im drowning in my thoughts. I need a solution and i need to do it soon. If someone has been where i've been, even vaguely, please lend me some of your thoughts. I'd GREATLY appreciate it!What are the cons of breaking up too? Has anyone been this way and marched on, only to benefit from this later. Meaning, it was just a midlife, quarterlife, crisis or something. i dont know, but anyone's experience would definitely help.thanks.
View related questions:
best friend, insecure, soulmate Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, ladyval  +, writes (22 September 2010):
I was in exactly same situation like you are.
I loved my boyfriend, but with time, it got like we aren't the couple that in love, I felt like He is so secure and we've been through a lot, and I always had his support throughout the life. But he didn't turn me on sexually and even didn't make some sort of excitement when i thought about him. So it got only worse with time, I didn't know how to tell him i wanted to break up. I never thought about him as someone who will ever be my husband, i always waited to meet someone better.
So, one day I had to leave him and head to another country for some time. And guess what...I fell in love with another guy, i never knew i would feel this. Something that isn't secure as before, something so unpredictable, amazing...something I stopped to believe in when I was with my boyfriend...I felt it ..i was on cliffs of the universe. But when it was time to head back home,my old boyfriend still waited for me and was always ready to take me back. But I was all into that feeling from my trip. In a while we stopped talking with the guy i met abroad, the guy i fell so in love with stopped talking to me. and my old boyfriend who was so secure was always beside me. But that feeling isn't gone...feeling that I have to find my real soul mate, real love..I believe I will find him. So I do believe you will meet your love. One way is to move on. If u never try, how will u know how it feels to love? I am like u...the one who cant make one step to my own happiness
A
female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (22 September 2010):
 I see this happening a lot, am guessing you still love your girlfriend a lot but you just arent in love with her anymore. We fall out of love all the time it cant be helped. My advice to you would be to be honest to yourself and to your girlfriend as this will only get worse for both of use if you keep it to yourself. Sit her down and tell her how you feel tell her you need a break away to find yourself again. Move away from her for a month and clear your head. After that month you should no if you need to be with her or not. Within this month join a class or group meet new people and do new things. By the end of the month you should have a better idea of what you want. Good luck.
...............................
|
