A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Hi, I'm 17 f in a 9 month open relationship. To start with I was completely fine with this- wasn't anything serious just getting to know eachother more etc. But 9 months later I am serious about being with this guy and it hurts to see him texting other girls and not just being with me. To be honest obviously I would rather be in this open relationship and know he is with other girls than actually cheating on me in an exclusive relationship. I am sure he is happy with the way things are and may not want to exclusively see me. What do I do? --thanks 4 your helps.
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female
reader, So_Very_Confused  +, writes (10 October 2011):
 sorry if you are not seeing others then it's not a fully open relationship.
IF you do not want him seeing others then you need to tell him. He may or may not like this. He may or may not agree to this. IF he does not then I think it's time for you to be moving on.
A
female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (10 October 2011):
 So how many other men are you seeing?
Personally, it sounds like you aren't really boyfriend/girlfriend, you are just one of many women in his life. He must be an extremely smooth talker, to have convinced you that an open relationship is a good idea.
I'd say if you want exclusivity with a guy, you will need to look elsewhere.
You're only 17, there are hundreds, thousands, just so many many men who would be happy to be in an exclusive relationship. Go find one of them who is more suited to you than the smooth-talker ladies man.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (10 October 2011): Open relationships work ONLY when both parties involved are open. That means you see other people for sexual purposes only, with the express consent of your partner and they provide the same in return.
My belief is that this does not really work. Because what you have is not a relationship. It is a friendship with some benefits.
I'm not here to judge, if some want to live their life that way, they can. I hope they are happy and wish them all the best.
But you are clearly not okay with this. You want more than he does. It would seem, from your description, he is not ready for a serious relationship and is essentially using you as a booty call, as he is with other women.
I would discuss it with him, tell him you want to remain exclusive to each other and for the open relationship to become an ordinary one. If he objects, then you will have your answer... he is more interested in you as a sex toy, and not as a person.
Flynn 24
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A
female
reader, PR_Scorpio +, writes (10 October 2011):
You're ONLY 17 and you're in an open relationship? Sweetie, this boy is no good for you. Of course he's just fine with how the relationship is right now..he's got the best of both worlds. i think you need to give yourself more value. You deserve a young man who is going to respect you and not go sleep with other girls while also sleeping with you. God only knows what kind of disease he can pass on to you from sleeping with other girls. I would give him an ultimatum, either he's exclusive and doesn't cheat, or hit the road. You have your whole life ahead of you, don't waste your time with someone who wants his cake and eat it too. Send him packing!! Good luck sweetie!
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A
male
reader, Hugh.J  +, writes (10 October 2011):
 That's the difference between men and women - in pretty well ALL species! Men are programmed by nature to spread their seed; to impregnate as many females as possible. That doesn't mean penetrating every woman on sight - well, not nowadays, anyway: but it translates into the sort of behaviour you have witnessed/experienced.
Women, on the other hand, are the nest-builders and are driven by a different imperative. It's no surprise that you found it difficult to keep to your original "open" relationship as it is not part of the female ethic.
It's not his fault, nor yours - blame Mother nature!
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