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female
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*ovinlife
writes: I am 17 and my boyfriend is 18 and he recently asked me to marry him! We've only been going out for 11 months and I love him but I'm only 17 and have my whole life ahead of me, plus he's in the Marines. I'm really confused. I dont know what to do. Can you please help me?!? Reply to this Question
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female
reader, Bev Conolly  +, writes (8 June 2006):
 It's OK to say, "I'm not ready to get married yet, but I still love you. Let's wait."
You're right about your whole life being ahead of you. Seventeen is a great age, because you're able to do anything you want with your life: start a career, travel, party with friends, get a specialised education, learn a trade... whatever.
What's not a good idea at 17 is getting married to somebody, especially when the idea makes you uneasy and unsure.
Small personal anecdote: when my bf and I had been dating for not quite a year, he proposed and I didn't know what to say. I liked him a lot and I didn't want to break up, but no one had ever told me that there was any other answer to "will you marry me?" except "Yes, my darling" (cue violins). So I felt trapped and said Yes. It was a big mistake and I gave up all of those freedoms I listed. Eventually I got divorced in my 20s.
Now, that's just my personal experience, and not necessarily yours, but I wanted to ensure you understand that it's OK to love someone and still say "no" to marriage. You have to be sure you want to get married before you agree.
Your BF may be motivated by the fact that he's in the military and starting to think about the dangers he faces. (As well, he may love you and want to marry you; I'm not discounting that!) But the fact that he's in the Marines might be hurrying up your relationship more than you want.
If you're not sure, it's all right to say so! A marriage proposal isn't always a yes-no question, so talk to him about it. You can say "not yet" and keep discussing the matter until you feel sure about either Yes or No.
A
female
reader, matron +, writes (8 June 2006):
 Hi, if you really have strong feelings for your b/f as he has for you just explain that you really dont want to get married for a while but you would love to show your committment to him by getting engaged. Engagements can be as long or as short as you want. If you want to stay in this relationship long term dont make him doubt your love by turning down flat the proposal he has made, just explain how you feel and save him feeling rejected. Happy days x
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A
female
reader, sibaan +, writes (8 June 2006):
 you are really lucky to have a guy that is so committed to you. just because your engaged doesn't mean you have to get engaged this year or even next year. you could get married in 5 years if you want. being engaged is just the next step to a committed relationship.
think about it and then make a decision...
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