A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:SO... I liked this guy all summer he's 29 I'm 21 he works as a bar back at this bar i frequent. So i see him every weekend when i go to play pool. He flirted with me constantly throughout the summer and lead me to believe that he liked me too. he hinted that we were compatible through chinese astrology, he displayed a little interest in knowing who my guy friends were and if they were gay, he has joked about kissing me on two occassions, and a lot of other flirty behavior. Some of it was joking sexually. then there was one time i had kissed him on the cheek when i gave him a hug goodbye he made eye contact with my friend and made a face. she could only describe it as an "uncomfortable" face. I finally asked him out at the end of september and he rejected me saying we're just friends. it was really awkward like he didn't want to come out and say it - i had to straight up ask him how he felt about me. then after that he continued as if nothing ever happened except he flirted with me even more hardcore and now he stares at me all the time. my friends catch him staring more than 20 times during a single evening sometimes. sometimes he gets off early and has a few drinks. he tends to get a bit more ballsy when he drinks. like when we first saw each other after i asked him out i said i cant taste anything after i drink patron and he slams his hand on the bar and says "now, thats sexy!" another time he was joking around and pretending to grab me in certain places and when i told him i was off limits to him he acted like he was thinking about me naked. flirting with me aside all his coworkers haven't ever seen him with a girl much less heard him talking about one and i know he isn't gay. i've seen him talk to one girl in particular a lot but later on i became friends with her and she told me there was nothing there. although, after i had asked him out i was playing hard to get which seemed to egg on his flirty behavior until it disipated. he was calling this girl pretty right in front of me and he would say that the only girls he can't date are ones with bigger arms than him, someone who is taller than him, or someone who is hairy. IM NONE of those things. on new years i wore his hat and he grabbed it back from a friend who took it from me and said that now no girl is going to want to date him because his hat smells like other chicks. i was actually very upset that he would say something like this. then a few days ago (after a few drinks) he was being very flirty and picked me up and carried me all the way outside. when i looked away from him, he even brushed my hair away and touched my neck (he said he was going for my ear, i have no idea why) - which is extremely unlike him. we joked around about sexual things like guys do sometimes. we are leaning very close to one another and he bites his lip when i say something funny. he always gives me hugs goodbye even though he has stated he is not the hugging type. but whenever i invite him to hang out he says no. he is very hot and cold. but his behavior from a few days ago with the whole reaching out and touching me caught me off guard. it could have been because he had a few drinks but still. on some level i feel as though he likes me but then i tell myself no he can't he only thinks of me as a friend. i hear this friendzone is a hard thing to come out of. do you think i MIGHT be coming out of it? can such a thing happen? and he is a good friend to me... how do i act when he gets this way?
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reader, anonymous, writes (19 January 2012): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionOh no lol he doesn't work as a bartender he just carries all the beer in and puts it away for the bartender. and he gives people safe rides when they get too intoxicated to drive themselves. he is more of a security guard. he has told me he doesn't like talking to a lot of people that he is a loner. he has said he likes talking to me because i'm different. he actually hates his job and has said so on numerous occassions. and whenever he flirts with me he is off duty and drinking with me and a few friends.
A
female
reader, celtic_tiger  +, writes (19 January 2012):
 I think you are fighting a losing battle here OP.
This guy is a barman. He is paid to be nice to customers, talk to them, interact with them, be friendly and flirt with the ladies. The whole point is, his behaviour makes women want to come back to the bar, and buy more drinks. As a barman, he is paid to sell goods to the paying public.
You have seen him flirt with other women. You have no idea what he does when you are not there.
Every time you have asked him to hang out with you he has said NO. He has made it very clear that he sees you as no more than a friend, and I really do think he is just a serial flirt.
The fact he is 29, may also be a factor. He may feel you are too young and not on his wavelength. I am 28 and I wouldnt go out with a 21 year old. You have different priorities in life, different outlooks.
The only time you see him, is at the bar. The only time you ever talk to him, is at the bar. The only time he 'flirts' with you is at the bar. Do you see the pattern?
If you dont like the way he flirts, dont reciprocate. Dont flirt back. It is very easy. The fact is, you respond so he carries on. He probably tries it with every woman he serves at the bar at some point. There will be those who are open to the 'banter' (as we would call it in the UK) and those who will completely block it out and be oblivious. You responded so he carries on.
My advice would be to move on. Find another guy to focus your attention on.
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