A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I am in love with this wonderful person who i just found out is a very sick man, he has a few mental issues, anger managment has helped him get over his anger but worst of all the doctors think he may have testicular cancer. I love this man very much and had to leave him to make him see he needed help from a doctor and he did make some wonderful changes. My parents wont let me spend time with him and they threaten that if i move back in with him they will take my kids from me. The man i love who i am married to is so scared he calls me crying just wanting to be reassured and my step dad will make me hang up on him. My mother tells me its best to just let my husband go, to not talk to him or even acknowlege him and he will just go away. My parents keep trying to get me to date other people, they even went as far as to invite my high school fling over for dinner. I am scared of my dad and I dont want to lose my kids, so i listen to them but not being able to help my husband in his time of need is killing me. What should I do? Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, Country Woman  +, writes (27 October 2009):
 Sweetheart your parents are obviously overly protective towards you and it really does depend on what has happened in the past for them to react in such a strong and adamant way.
If your husband has harmed you or threatened you or your children then they are looking out for your safety.
You say your husband has a few mental issues which have been helped with anger management but there are still some underlying problems there.
I can totally understand that you don't want to abandon your husband considering he is very scared and lonely right now and given that he has been told he has testicular cancer this is a very trying time for him.
Does your husband's family support him in any way at all?
Has your husband's diagnosis been confirmed as life threatening or is there hope for him with surgery or treatment?
If you have any contact with anyone else other than your husband perhaps you could relay a message to them to pass onto your husband and let him know that you are thinking of him right now but your family are being extremely protective of you given past events but you want him to know you do still care about him but cannot be seen to be outwardly supporting him at the moment.
If there is no way that anyone can pass on a message to him either try to contact him via email or text or even send him a written letter so that you can put in writing your thoughts and feelings at least this way he knows that you still care but you are limited in what you can do at the moment.
Maybe you could arrange a suitable time to meet with him through a contact centre or something as he is still the father of your children by the sounds of things and there must be a certain amount of rights that he has. Maybe he needs to know that he is loved in some way even by his children for him to see that he still has a lot to live for at the moment.
I think if you could try and explain this to a third party or sit down with your mum and step dad and tell them that although so much has happened in the past you need to at least let him know you are thinking of him and that you want to arrange something through a controlled contact centre so that there is a minimal risk to both yourself and your children and if they agree to this then something should be arranged and relayed to your husband.
They have obviously supported you and you want them to know that you are not out to hurt them but he is your children's father and you feel for him right now as it may be a very bizarre punishment in life that he has now been struck down with this testicular cancer but he is just scared and alone right now and as an adult you want to just let him know that things will improve for him one way or the other.
You say you are scared of your dad, is he a violent man or just a very vocal one.
You need to be able to talk to someone close to you and if your dad is not the person to understand your situation then perhaps you need to talk to your mum instead on your own and when your dad is not around.
Keep us posted on how things go and all you can do is stay strong right now for both yourself, your children and your husband's sake.
BFN
Country Woman
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