A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I am a quieter , non scene gay, feminine female and I have been trying to meet women for f/shop and dates online for years, on and off. Resting at times and these pas 2 t months becoming active in searching again. I have made a 3 friends, who sadly I don't see much (1-2 times year for 2, every 3-4 months for another)as they are super busy, and don't have time for me, they are more like aquaintances, but when I do see them its good to see them, Im not sure what to say they are..Any how Ive not been on a date in years and years, my last date was 7 yrs ago!I have no luck, the women I try to send a message to on the site (after looking at their profiles and thinking we may have something in common) dismiss me as soon as they see what I look like. We exchange a message, they ask for my photo (they may send theirs ) and then boom! gone as if by magic, or they may send 1 more message then the contact goes sway, even if they are looking for just friends, there is an option on the site for what you want "friends, friends and dates, casual" etc etc. I have ticked "friends and dates/rship" and many of them have too or just want friends.who gives a **** what friends look like? as for dates, no one likes me, noone gives me a chance beyond sending my photo! Surely Im not that ugly, Im average looking, (was once told I was attractive) very pale and my photo is OK, the best I can do with my pale, average "straight" looks. My hair is shorter but looks like a female.This is me and Im NOT changing to "suit" society, Im not butch or masculine, or loud and super outgoing, and wont ever be, Im quieter but love conversation.. Im an Ok person too! Im not super girly but Im not a man, to each their own but thats not me.. This past month I have sent 2 "hello" messages to 2 women and 2 have sent a "hello" to me, and they all seem genuine(say they are) and looking just for friends, one for dates, 2 of them were the ones to want to chat with me! then after 2 messages... and me sending my photo they go away, one blocked me! how am I to feel! this is really affecting my self esteem as now I think that just to have a friends you have to look a certain way or be super pretty etc etc I feel really down about this, esp as one of my 1-2 times year "friends" I met up with yesterday for lunch, seems to have met lots of women,and has many friends, she got lucky how the **** does she get a chance and I don't! and she's average looking and not super outging, just average like me.what am I to do...how should I word my online messages to be given more of a chance?I feel worthless and like no women would ever want me.. how am I supposed to meet new gay friends and get a date etc if no one gives me a chance!!are women THAT superficial, it disapoints me..and in my city,many manypplare meeting online now..or via friends, but I have noreal friends to meet via..help!!!! please I feel like crap
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, Xearo  +, writes (10 January 2015):
There is more to it than you are willing to admit.
Attraction is visual and this is just human nature. You do it as well whether you agree or not. Your photo may not be conveying something that sparks an interest. No one is asking you to change to suit to society, but society is what you want to interact with.
First impressions account for many aspects of life so why should you be an exception to this rule? If you don't care about your first impression then why should anyone continue to pursue you? It is the same for job interviews, you can ONLY hire someone based entirely on first impressions in that first interview. And you have to do this with several hundred applicants. You can't "give someone a chance" and THEN decide to hire them.
My advice would be to have a 3rd party who can offer an unbiased view about your profile. There could be some thing not adding up which you don't see.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (10 January 2015): That's weird. I feel you, rejection may be the worst feeling ever. :(
I only have two suggestions. Different sites tend to have different "crowds" that frequent them. Maybe the people on your site really value looks for some reason, so you might try other sites catering to other kinds of people.
Do you have the option of displaying your pic right on your profile for all to see? If you did this, you could be sure that anyone who sends you a message or replies to yours is already fine with how you look and that your appearance won't surprise them later on.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (10 January 2015): Hi There,Do you really want to be friends with superficial people?i don't know if you are a believer but we are all made in God's image, which is perfect. you are the only you there ever was and the only you there ever will be, therefore you are perfect as you are.if the people who you are meeting reject you , that is their problem, their not worth your time anyway.if this bother's you that much however, try somethjing new, like a new shade of lipstick to brighten up your face or style your hair in a different way. do not change who you are or what you look like for anybody, especially a stranger who hasn't given you a fair chance. but you can enhance the beauty you already have.I hope this helps.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (10 January 2015): this is the poster, bad keyboard, sorry for typos.
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