A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I married young, and I regret not waiting. I'm 24 now, and while I love my husband very much, but I feel suffocated. Recently he has be pressuring me into getting a job in a field I hate. I suffered 2 years of hell in the same field already, to the point where I was considering death as a much better alternative. Finally, I quit my job and began looking for another, but no matter what the job opening, my husband kept giving me reasons why I shouldn't, or couldn't do it. The only jobs he has been positive about is in the field I just escaped from. Part of it has to do with money, because it's one of the best paying jobs that I'm qualified to do...but I would rather give up an arm than go back.Recently, I went behind his back and started working at a bar where men go to unwind, have a drink, and sit and talk with pretty young women. There's nothing weird about the job, no touching, and definitely nothing sexual. It's the best job I've ever had. My coworkers are kind, the customers aren't the stereo typical surly dudes I thought they might be, my boss treats me like her daughter and the pay is out of this world, way more than I was making at the hell-hole I worked at before. The problem is, my husband is on the conservative side, and if he ever found out it would probably mean the end of our marriage....I don't know what to do. I love him so much but now that I've finally found a job I actually don't dread going to, part of me wishes I wasn't married anymore.
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male
reader, Xearo  +, writes (18 May 2014):
I get that your husband is pressuring you for a job. Pressuring someone for anything for that matter is generally a bad thing to do. It certainly does not make them want to go after it.
I also don't think you should hide about a job. A job is a big part of ones life and I can't understand why you would hide this from someone you married. Even though you feel like you married too young, reality tells a different tale. You ARE married. I am pretty sure you would not like it if your spouse was doing the same or worse.
I think it would be best to come clean. The longer you hide this, the worse you may end up feeling, especially if you do get caught. If you think you married too young, and there seem to be no resolve for this, then you should consider divorce.
A
male
reader, Sageoldguy1465 +, writes (17 May 2014):
 I can't get past this (that you wrote): "... I love him so much but...."
You just finished telling us that your hubby cares not a whit about YOUR feelings (and reactions) about and to your job..... AND that you've surrupticiously found a far better job... that you enjoy doing and which pays well....
I suggest you put on your "big girl panties" and sit him down and say, "Hunchy Bunchy, I believe that I've found THE JOB FOR ME. I enjoy it, and it pays well."
That will trigger him to ask you: "Yes... well what is this job?"
And you will say: "(whatever is this job that you've gotten)."
If'n he reacts negatively, you say to him: "Hunchy Bunchy, I wasn't asking you to APPROVE of this new job I have.... I just wanted to share it with you that I have it."
Assuming he sez: "Well, I'm the MAN of this house.... and am NOT GOING TO ALLOW YOU to have this job..."
Then you say, "Well.... sorry, but the MAN of this house is not being asked to vote (on my job)."
It may end up that you ask him to leave.... but... what's the harm in that?????
Good luck....
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (17 May 2014): I don't think you were ready to marry. Your husband sounds, to me anyway, VERY domineering and controlling and you sound rather naive, if I may say so. I think you love this job because you basically enjoy and like people and I wonder if your natural tendency has inclined you to love too fast and too soon and commit to a man who sounds awful. Why ON EARTH would any man want to force his wife to continue in a field that she hates to the point of being willing to amputate her limb not to go back? And why on earth would you stay with him? Really I think - face up to the strong possibility that you have to learn from this mistake. I'm sure you love your husband, but you sound to me like a very loving person, who will definitely be able to love again. He, on the other hand, sounds like the kind of man who many women would run a mile from.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (17 May 2014): If your husband can't support you when you're not doing anything inappropriate, it may not be such a bad idea to get a divorce.
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