A
female
age
41-50,
*iazetta
writes:Hey thereThis is a bit complicated so please bear with me.My boyfriend Albanian but lives in Sicily where we met six months ago. He can't visit me because his residency gets him into the shengen countries of which our lovely UK is not part. He applied for a visa for christmas but got denied. I've visited him lots - also because I'm going through a grievance process at work and didn't have to there. He's been so inviting, all but asking me to move in. He would do if he thought it was possible but he tells it like it is: there is no work in Sicily, I wouldn't be able to make a living. I stayed at his for weeks at a time and for a whole month at Christmas. I had my doubts after a month because he didn't really let me get to know his circle and he's quite jealous. Sometimes I worry that as an Albanian he might let the old school too far into his expectations of women. But there's nothing I can measure that fear with since I haven't been able to put him to the test in my world.But now I have to be here to take care of my case which is going to have to be escalated to get anywhere. Plus I really need to find a new job or I will go bonkers. I've let it go for a few months because I've found it difficult to face my life which is really messed up because of the stress of the grievance. It's really hard that he can't visit. I know he would in a second if he could but it's hard not to feel like I'm the one making too much effort.I'm thinking of moving to the Netherlands in the Spring won't bore you with the many reasons, but it is not just him. Though I'm sure he will visit me there.I'm just not sure I want to carry on with this because it feels like he's not making enough effort in the circumstances. I'm always the one to ring him, mainly because it is so much more expensive for him. That hasn't changed and I don't think it's that he doesn't care. But i'm quite a jealous gal... Tonight I rang him around 11 his time and he never responded even though we said we would talk. It happens quite often. He works really hard every day he's up at 5.30am so he falls asleep like a log pretty early. I witnessed it. And still the jealousy does really get me down.Should I break it off? He's such a lovely guy but maybe this is just not meant to be? I don't know if I'm being a wimp and should just stick out the insecurities. Am I making excuses for the fact that I can't hack it? Or maybe I just needed the escape for a while I was using him and don't need him anymore and am finding reasons to blame him. I don't think I'm such an awful person but could it be? Sometimes I think he is the best thing that has happened to me in years and can't face the idea of us not being able to give it a real shot. But why does it have to be so complicated?!If anyone can make any sense of this one that would be really cool!Ta.
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female
reader, problemmaganet  +, writes (17 January 2010):
 If you really like him and think that you can make it work, then you should stay with him and try to work it out. Sometimes boys can avoid talking to their girlfriends for random reasons. Don't bug him about it, but when you do get the chance to talk, tell him what's going on. If after a while he is still not taking any responsibility to help the relationship, maybe it's time to see other people. It takes two to make a relationship work, but if he's not working at it, then you shouldn't hurt yourself over it. Breaking up could be hard, but if it's necessary, then you'll probably feel better after a while. It will also give you a chance to meet new guys and hang out with them without having to worry about jealously.
If you can, try to stay friends with him, and good luck!!!
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