A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Me and my bf are in a relationship 7 months now. He loves me an all but he is really into studying and i hate it! He never has time for me! but its ok... i try to handle it. i tell him sometimes that he should relax a little, but it's no use... but i don't want a bf who is ALL the time with me, anyway. The thing is i just want us to have sex more often. we hardly have once a week. cause we both live with our parents. But when we might have a chance he avoids being tempted by me cause he knows he won't resist :) and i suppose it's because he will lose the concetration for studying and that he'll lose to much of his "precious time" and he kinda feels guilty when he's not doing his obligatoin (STUDYING -.- da), Actually i'm sure it's because of that. and believe me, he is studying very hard and he shouldn't! Not that hard! i'm studying to, and i'm up for sex any time! so my question is: how to make him go in bed with me more often and make him be more relaxed?! Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (8 June 2009): Different people have different sex drives. Yours seems to be stronger than his. Are there times when he is more available perhaps? Considering this...If for some sexual desire is high during stressful times, for others the stress will be an inhibitory factor and sex will play little if at all on their minds in times of stress / hard work. Even if he has a decent libido in such periods, the aftermath can be the problem, sex can have a distracting effect in his case. If there are times he has to 'resist' to physical contact, he probably fits in this category. I suggest that in this circumstance you do not push him to interrupt his studies in order to be with you. If he feels guilty when he neglects the studying he has probably a very acute sense of discipline and not paying attention to it can place you in a scenario where sex is done hurriedly while worries and anxities beg to reign, these won't do either of you any good as they can lead to all kinds of performace problems. Compromising can only be done up to a point and if even then you are dissatisfied with how the relationship is going then you probably have different goals and ambitions and it will be so long until you've grown apart. Until thinking about drastic measures however, if you really want to save your relationship despite of the differences, see how you can meet half way and for how long. You're obviously not at the same page. The relationship as it is can be fun 'when' you do have a chance to meet so enjoy the encounters however few, if the situation doesn't improve you can always put a stop to it and find someone more compatible, that shares your values and prioritises family and not work. It is TOO early to say how the situation will evolve, you are very young and still changing.
A
male
reader, Dhumph  +, writes (8 June 2009):
He's not going to change. When he graduates, he will give the same attention to his job. I am restraining myself from offering you personal assistance.
The leading cause of divorce is that the wrong people marry each other.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (8 June 2009): I can completely sympathise with you and i dont think you are making yourself out to be a sex maniac!! I have the same problem with my boyfriend except its that he is obsessed with working and having money, mainly because he is ambitious and doesnt want to be just comfortable, he wants to be able to have the best car etc all the time. I know what you mean because we see each other fairly often but only stay overnight at my house twice a week so this is all I get sex. The other times I will see him are in the day when he refuses to do it saying it is for night time or when I go to his house where he lives with his mum and I am not allowed to stay or even sit in his room. Until not long ago we had it once a week if we were lucky because even if he stayed at my house twice he didnt always want sex saying he was too tired from working. I had a few talks with him, some of which ended up in arguments but I explained it made me feel like he didn't fancy me etc and eventually things changed. He still lacks the sponteneity I would like but I have learned to accept his views on sex I feel that he has compromised so I should too. I also tried making the sex more interesting and trying new things which has helped I think as he seems more into it now. He also said that one of the problems was that I always initiated it, which made it less interesting for him since he liked the challenge. So i stopped doing this aswell and he is always the first to intitiate now! So you could try some of these things. Hope this helps! x
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A
female
reader, aphexinfinite +, writes (8 June 2009):
 Look i dont know about you but in this world now adays unless you study hard you dont get the grades and you dont get a good job its hard to get a good job on grades alone without having the on hands expierence. if he is happy then leave him alone perhaps hes not a sex maniac like it sounds your making yourself to be. if you want honest answers then dont ask us and ask him he is the only one to answer your questions. and if he doesnt want sex then he doesnt want it their are more important things in life without having wild sex every night perhaps hes set a goal and thats what hes looking towards not humping his gf everynight. good luck aphex
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A
female
reader, misswalston +, writes (8 June 2009):
 Well, the first question is what is he studying? It must be a very serious course. You have to understand that men are not able to multitask. They can only concentrate on one thing at a time. Now, we can have sex all of the time and still get things done. They can't. So knowing this, you have to ask yourself is he worth the wait because you already know that he is not going to have more sex if he is really concentrating. I actually admire that in a man. He sounds like he is a good catch. Why don't you give him back massages when you are able to see him. Warm up some baby oil but not too long because it heats up quickly. Let him know how much you love him and you would like to show him a little more just how much he means to you. Hopefully he will relax a little more and also let him know that sex is a stress reliever..........
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