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female
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*mogen
writes: Married 27 years separate bedrooms sexless for 12 years - husband never gave me a reason why. Stayed because of son. Recently met another guy who has fallen for me and I'm falling for him. He's got a gf but some problems there. He gave me a hug and some kisses the other day - first time for me for so many years and it felt so good. Don't feel guilty because of my husband but because of this guy's gf. Feel like I have lost the way - any advice would be appreciated.
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female
reader, cantmoveon +, writes (3 January 2006):
I think that you should not get into another relationship until you are through with your husband. I am currently in a similiar situation and becuz of the way my husband has treated me through the years i have become quite depressed. My self esteem is narrowed down to almost nothing. I used my kids as a reason of staying with him in hopes maybe sumthing would spark. kids are now 22 23 and 26 aand i am still here. I have tried telling my husband how i feel as you prolly have. I plan to get a room for rent. i told my husband 3 yrs ago he had three years and if in that time we cant get on the right track through counseling or taking a good look at ouselfs.......then i was leaving. he wont do counseling. and he continues to do the same things he has always done. he has 3 months left. i am afraid to leave i have been with him since i was 15 i am now 44. he is 48.let him know once again how you feel and if you truly love him give him some alternatives. follow through. never jump from one relationship to another, you need time to find yourself again after being with one person so long. i only hope i can follow through with the alternative i gave my husband. its not easy!good luck and i hope you do the right thing.
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (21 December 2005): Life is never simple, this event will likely set your future in motion. JS
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A
female
reader, eyeswideopen  +, writes (21 December 2005):
 No bitterness here just no respect for whiners who cheat on their spouses.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (20 December 2005): Eyeswideopen, I believe your eyes are WIDE CLOSE!! Your comment was a bitter one and I guess you must have some issues of your own to be addressed to. Don't you think you should treat others with more respect???
Now, to you who has been married for 27 years. You have my simpathy. People change over time and I don't think we should stick to some former vows when they are no longer suitable to the new people we have become (it would be like wearing the same old pair of shoes when our feet have outgrown.).
If both you and your husband have drifted apart and the chances for you to become intimate are inexistent, then I would suggest you to move on and pursue your dreams somewhere else.
However, I would suggest you to look for someone who is available for you. It can be very stressy and frustrating to start a romance with someone who is already in a relationship with someone else. I am speaking from my own experience.
Best wishes to you :)
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A
male
reader, Mr.Ed +, writes (19 December 2005):
 Well you certainly have yourself in a jam and guess what I'm not a genious but it appears that if you think about it I guess the root of the problem is communication with your husband. Whenever we choose to be married it is for sickness and in health. Which one of those is he honoring? You need to seriously sit him down and tell him that sexually your needs are not being met at all. If he cannot respond to your request and that it is trully gone; You may understand that your really not married except legally on a peice of paper. Paper NEVER made a marraige work! Two people have to give equally and receive equally. I respect my fiancee's right to have a bad day but not 12 years worth. Don't cheat until it's over, stop kissing and hugging otherwise your going to do something you may regret later, If he won't talk about it tell him your feelings and your lust for someone else. If all that fails then he really doesn't care about your needs. Your son is grown and doesn't need a miserable mother and father in his life. If your happy that's the way your son will remember you. To many people stay together for the sake of children and then it backfires on them. Good luck.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (19 December 2005): I think you need a counselor. You have so many needs, wants, and desires. But you have to be careful how you get those met. Please talk to a counselor about this, your situation is much more serious than what this column can provide.
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A
female
reader, eyeswideopen +, writes (19 December 2005):
You know why I'm not in a situation like yours? Because I love and respect my husband, I meant MY wedding vows.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (19 December 2005): eyes wide open... dun shit others when you're not in the situation. I am very confused now as my beloved hubby also dun want sex though it is only for 15 mths so far, and I'm still counting.
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A
female
reader, eyeswideopen +, writes (19 December 2005):
you are so full of shit. 27 years?!!! whoa you must think we were born yesterday. LOSER
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