A
female
age
36-40,
*rowneyes84
writes:My boyfriend and I have been together for 2.5 years now. Don't get me wrong, we have had our ups and downs but overall we are happy. There is just one problem which is big. We haven't had sex in 2 months. WE've only had about sex five times this year so far its gradually tailed off.. The problem started last year when I noticed that sex wasn't happening as often. We both live with our respective parents so we don't see each other every day and it went from every single time we saw each other we would do it, to perhaps, once a week, to then decreasing to once per fortnight then once a month now its hardly at all! When I first noticed this he got very defensive and said that he was fed up of initiating it all the time so i did something about it - i dressed up sexily for him for a few times and this worked but then the tables turned and i noticed that it was me who was initiating all the time. I brought this up and asked why we arent having sex and all he said was " i don't know" we have talked about it several times and he reassures me its not going to be forever and he has gone from saying he doesnt know why we are like it to saying perhaps we have " gone back to the start" of our relaitonship (when we first started dating it was 3 months before we became intimate) and now he said that he thinks its because we both live at home and he is getting frustrated with the fact that we have to be quiet and there is the possibility of having someone walk in and we are doing the same things each time because we have to be quiet.But we have gone away/stayed at friends a couple of times and again he has not tried anything with me. I feel crap and unattractive about myself because of this and i have told him that but he says that he does still fancy me.. i dont know what to do. He thinks if we moved in together that would solve things but we are arguing about this sex issue over and over and he refuses to talk about it now because he says that i am repeating myself. Any advice please would be much appreciated im feeling very low about this.
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male
reader, EllsworthT  +, writes (24 June 2009):
Five foot six, long brown hair, brown eyes, olive skin, large boobs, and graduating law school? Browneyes84, will you marry me?Don't move in with this guy. It's too early and it sounds like this relationship is heading for disaster.Does your boyfriend look good naked? Does he have any hang-ups about his body? Does he "under-perform"? Be honest. If you know it, he knows it, and that might be what's holding him back.Typically, smart people (like your boyfriend) aren't as expressive sexually as the dumb masses. According to The Onion, the uneducated outbreed the intelligensia 2-to-1. You might want to get him a little drunk (but not too drunk!) to wear down his inhibitions.Nice, tidy, respectable--could he be gay, or confused?Is it possible he's in love (or obsessed) with someone else, who doesn't love him, like an ex-girlfriend (or boyfriend)? I once dated a really good-looking women, but I still had feelings for the woman before her, who dumped me. I look back now and think of all the sex I missed because I was thinking of my ex-girlfriend. Would I have moved in with the new woman just to force myself to stop thinking about the former--possibly.
A
female
reader, browneyes84 +, writes (21 June 2009):
browneyes84 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks for your replies. I think he just is not a sexual person - we are both 25 and have stressful jobs.. he has never been the typical 'guy' as in always trying to get in my knickers (which is what attracted me to him in the first place) we went for three months initially without doing ANYTHING! When I get insecure and ask if he's going to find someone else because of this he says no of course not but its frustrating me now. I feel that because we are not living together or seeing each other all that often that is especially a good reason why we should be having sex. And in response to your questions, Ellsworth T no i do not consider myself ugly - Im not blowing my own trumpet but im relatively intelligent (im finishing law school) I have done some modelling in the past, I havent put on weight im about 120 lbs, five foot six, long brown hair brown eyes olive skin and large boobs, so no it cannot be that. My bf is not ugly either. He doesnt go out to bars all the time with his mates, he is sooo sensible for his age, he is tidy, respectful, loving and all the nice things i could want in a boyfriend we are just experiencing problems in the bedroom and its making me feel so bad. He thinks if we moved in together this would solve all our problems but i am reticent about doing this - i think we should try to sort our problems out first before taking the plunge.. do others agree with me on that?
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A
male
reader, EllsworthT +, writes (20 June 2009):
If your boyfriend is in his late 30s or older, then sex is just not the big deal it once was. Sorry.
If your boyfriend is in his teens or 20s like you, then yes, it is very strange for him to be avoiding sex with you. Most 20-something males think about nothing else.
Are you letting yourself go? Have you gained weight recently? If yes, then he's no longer attracted to you. (Sorry, men are primates like that.)
If you're pretty (ask your friends) and he's ugly (ask your friends), then he has some sexual hangup that's holding him back. Don't pry openly, but do investigate. Don't share you're feelings with him or try to "talk things out". 20-something guys hate that shit: It makes us feel stupid and useless, even if you tell us otherwise. Do that crap with your girlfriends.
If he is better looking that you (i.e., attractive or not as ugly as you are) or he is fit, rich, and/or has a big wanker, he's just bored with you and you need to get yourself away from him.
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