A
female
age
36-40,
*lexia846
writes:How do I regain my self confidence back? I was in a five year relationship, that was mostly toxic, although he loved me, he did make remarks about my body, being overweight, sometime not wearing makeup etc. either way he broke my hear and left, and came back like a million times, but I finally woke up and decided I wanted to be loved. ONE PROBLEM.. i am soooooo self concious. everyone says i am a beautiful girl, i have a masters degree, and am good looking but I dont see it. I am starting not to believe in love either. what is the point, is it even real? I am 25 with my life ahead of me ppl say but I dont see this? I start buying things and trying to improve myself to be pretty but I never reach that confident feeling. I want to so dedperately hear the words of love, and confidence.. it is starting to feel very lonely, even thought I look buys
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female
reader, alexia846 +, writes (14 December 2010):
alexia846 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionguys thanks so much for the support i am trying out new things, i have been so scared and sheltered that I practically dont know how to act or have confidence, its been battered. I hope that he does not come back, but I hope i can regain confidence back because after five years of ppl comparing to you, or calling you fat when i am technically the ideal weight.. it gets to you and i hope i can survive this wave. Thank you all for the support i plan on heading out, and branching to new things,
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (13 December 2010): ~WOE IS NOT YOU~
Sweetie, I know you're sad but sitting around feeling sorry for yourself will only make you feel worse. Look at it this way, the very person who was taking away from your happiness is now out of your life and that is something to celebrate. Now pull yourself together and dress up real nice...the way you're used to doing and get out in this humungous world called Earth and socialize. You will be amazed at how many guys you cross who will make you realize just how lucky you are to feel refreshed by enjoying time with positive people who add happens to your life.
~LIVE, LOVE and LAUGH!~
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A
female
reader, Shyclau +, writes (13 December 2010):
I agree with jmtmj. I recommend you focus all of your
Energy on doing things that you enjoy doing. Be your own
Boyfriend an treat yourself. Try new things that you have not
Had the chance to do. Wear things that you like and
Don't question yourself. Be happy for who you are. Everything els
Will fall in place.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (13 December 2010): jmtmj hit it on the head doll. Great advice. I side with him defnitely. Good luck and keep your head up ... chances are you have too pretty of a face to be staring at the ground anyway :)
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A
male
reader, Jmtmj  +, writes (13 December 2010):
 Give it time...
5 years is a long time, especially when you're young. You may have found that your identities started to meld together during that time. Instead of you being "Jill" and your partner being "Jack", you may have become "Jackill"...
Now that you're single it can take time to regain your own sense of self and identity. But it can be exciting re-discovering yourself. Just focus on yourself for now, do things that YOU want to do but never could in your relationship. Seriously, chillax. Stop focusing on finding someone new to love and give yourself a "guilt-free" buffer zone before worrying about finding someone new. Lets say 6 months where you force yourself not to worry about finding anyone new.
This is "you" time. You're a smart and attractive woman, you don't need someone else to make you feel important. Being single for a while and just not caring about dating is the best thing for you right now in my opinion.
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