A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:hi all ive been with my husband for 13 years we have children.the past year has been real tough for us as i asked for a seperation because i felt we had drifted apart. within this time while going out with friends i met a younger man than me 6 years to be precise. he is single no children there was instant chemistry we exchanged numbers and have been texting each other for 11 months. weve never met up because i still dont know where my marriage is going. anyway some of our texts have been very sexual and photos included! i have carried this on because i have enjoyed the compliments which i have missed for years, the last texts we sent each other which was quite graphic was almost 2 weeks ago i havent heard anything from him since i texted him on valentine to wish him happy valentines no reply from him on the day or since why?? please can you help with your comments to make me understand what hes thinking? am i just being silly? im the type of person that is very sensitive which even he knows. any comments would be great.
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female
reader, Artistry  +, writes (23 February 2008):
 Hi there,Relationships require two people, even relationships by e-mail or otherwise. If you had a very responsive person, as it appears you did, then either he decided he wanted something more, or he made the decision to end the relationship between the two of you. People sometimes carryon dual relationships, especially if you are not physicallyclose enough to even meet, while you are involved. He may have grown tired of the situation, and moved on. I would not contact him again, if he is still interested, he will contact you.You have children, he does not, you are still married and actually not available, he is single. That is a lot of difference, forget about the age difference, if people connect on an emotional level, the age, as long as you are adults, would not be a factor. We go through different things in life, hopefully, that we can grow from, he may have just decided to go in a different direction. You must decide which direction you want to go, put your priorities in order, and make some decisions regarding your marital situation. So that, if and when you meet someone that you care about, you will be able to offer a mutually rewarding contribution to the relationship. At this point in time it does not appear that you can. Valentine's Day may have triggered something in him, but who knows. This is now about your life. Where are you going? What do you want your future to be?Assess your situation and decide what is best for you, then move on from there. All good wishes to you. One more thing, sometimes it's best to leave a little intrigue, as to what you are all about and not reveal everything about yourself,keeps the interest up and stimulates the imagination. Goodluck with everything.
A
female
reader, dearkelja +, writes (23 February 2008):
 My guess is that he grew tired of this text affair and when valentine's day hit felt the need to be with someone real. Internet and texting fills a temporary void with someone but having the real thing is much more satisfying.
Now, you have said you are married, unavailable to this other man so you really don't have a right to this relationship anyway. You really need to figure out what you are going to do with your marriage and I agree with Waterloo that you had no business getting this new man involved with your life until you had a life to offer him. I really think he grew tired of this fantasy and V'Day makes us assess our relationships. If he didn't like where this was going, what better day to put the brakes on something that wasn't satisfying to him.
I don't think you should contact him again until you have more to give and until you know what you want. Chalk it up to a learning experience.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (23 February 2008): Why dont you fix or break your marriage before you start anything with someone else? Why do you have to do this behind your blokes back? He doesnt deserve it, and how would you feel if he was doing it to you. If it is so bad, then talk to him and each go their separate ways, but stop this childish text nonsense now, how old are you? if you can sort your marriage then give it a go, but no-one deserves to be messed around.take carexx
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A
female
reader, bemused  +, writes (23 February 2008):
 Sounds like you had a 'text affair'. The internet and cell phones have made it so easy for people to fall into this kind of thing. You mention you are separated from your husband and I am assuming you still are? You mention that you did not, after 11 months want to meet up with this man because you did not know where your marriage was heading...so I am confused a bit. You drew a line which is admirable. Do you think he would have liked more..ie to meet up with you and kind of gave up on this. If your relationship consisted of texting there is a good chance that he may have had someone he could actually see and may have wanted to pursue this...again I am just throwing out ideas here. I think the bigger question here is not the situstion with this man but the state of your marriage. The reality here is that you were sending graphic texts back and forth. Somehow your ego and heart got caught up in it. He made you feel attracive but perhaps this was not fullfilling the same thing for him. He could be a bit of a player and may have sensed your vulnerability. What about your relationship with your husband. What are your thoughts and feelings about this...your primary relationship relationship. Could it be that the other situaton was a diversion so you would not have to look at the big picture...very human and many of us have been there. Are you considering marriage counselling...hope I have helped a bit my dear. Keep us postedxxx
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A
female
reader, korculan queen  +, writes (23 February 2008):
v day or valentines day scares some guys because it is a day to declare your love for a person. Maybe this scared him a little. Does he know that you are married and have children and still with your husband? There could be many explanations. One is he may have not paid his bill and his phone is cut off. Two he may be really busy. Three he is thinking about his next step with you. Four he may think that you want more than he is able to give at this point. The list goes on and on. Why not give him a call when you know he is not busy and ASK HIM? You have nothing to lose by asking him.
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