A
female
age
36-40,
*atie_clayton
writes:hi I split up with my boyfriend about 3 weeks ago now, we were together 2 and a half years and we have a 1 year old boy, who's gourgeous by the way lol !!! Since xmas I'll admit I did distance myself from him, I went out with my mates a lot, started working nights so didn't see much of him but when I did, didn't make much of an effort with him, we'd split up at least 3 times before this because I started taking ecstasy pills then nearly died on them so that was 1 pron and another because I didn't show him much interest but said I would change but obviously not for long.I have realised that I do love him and where I went wrong not paying much attention to him, he is the sort to just stay in, play his computer games and go to his football matches and not really go out much, but he knows I can be a party animal but still never wanting to do things with him. He says I will never change yet when we first got together we wrote each other letters and now I read them back, that is the person I am. I just lost my way and didn't see what was most important to me so in a way it wouldn't be me changing, just realising where I went wrong.I want so bad for him 2 see I know I made a mistake and I want him back 2 do all the things I want to do with him in life. We have so many good memories more than the bad ones and I forgot, I did cheat on him 5 months into the relationship then when I was 6 months pregnant I told him the bairn may not be his, but we sorted through that which was 2 years ago now but he still brings that up! He said he would come around 2 days ago but didn't show and now he isn't answering my text or calls, even my dad's and them 2 were pretty close!He has had a very bad upbringing, his dad died 2 years ago as well, his mum doesn't take much interest in him..... I just don't know what to do. From a blokes point of view would you know what is wrong with him? Would he come back, is he just trying to hurt me, or have I really gone too far this time and lost him forever?? Reply back asap please, I just done a night shift lol need some sleep got work again 2night lol x
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female
reader, korculan queen  +, writes (24 February 2008):
The fact you say that his mum never had time for him and now you are admitting that you never had time for him when you were partying is a double hurt to him because his core values and beliefs have been formulated by his mother's lack of attention to him. Your past mistakes should not be brought up as they should have been dealt with at the time and moved on from. He is probably envious of your sense of self and your vibrant outgoing personality and from what you are saying he is quite the opposite. However, opposites attract. What was it about you that attracted him to you? Work on these values and understand that you are both hurting and he may need time. Ecstasy though can really make a person depressed when coming down and nearly overdosing may have really frightened him. Telling him the baby was not his and cheating while in the past he seems to have not gotten over. I suggest maybe booking yourselves in for some mediation and sit down and talk through his issues and your issues to better understand where you are both coming from. It may bring some clarity for the both of you.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (23 February 2008): Certain problems asphyxiate old feelings, especially when causing major distressing. You did not show him dependability and he fears the story will repeat itself once he returns home. Words are no warranty. Many times these people who have had a poor upbringing, lacking parental attention, are most aware of the importance of the family values they were not shown. It is important you realised where you did wrong, because you will fructify this lore in other situations, if not to continue this relationship particularly. I liked what you wrote about discovering yourself in the letters. However people are many times skeptical (fairly) about changes to good, when they grew accustomed to other realities. It is best for the moment that you don't insist in calling, and respect his time to think. If you wish to change, do so for yourself, independently of what happens next, and of course for your beautiful son. All the best.
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