A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I'm very interested in hearing from both females who actually have or have had this issue, or males who have known a female in my situation.I'm 17, have been sexually active for about three years, and have had two partners (within relationships). I really enjoy sex BUT I am missing a certain something: I can't reach orgasm during sex - intercourse or oral. However, I can orgasm on my own (and can do so very promptly).Even touching myself during sex (including with a vibrator which usually works extremely quickly)...I can't get there. This leads me to believe it's a psychological problem rather than a physical one, so I'm curious how other ladies have cleared this hurdle. What made the difference for you (or for your partner)?I need some ideas.
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male
reader, chrissa  +, writes (5 January 2009):
this might sound weird coming from a male but, i think youre right in saying that its a psychological problem. It seems from your description that when you r alone u manage to orgasm quite easily, this gives me the impression that when you have male company be it your partner, your body stiffens up or gets nervous, to experience this you dont have to have any other symptoms of nerves ie feel nervous or have sweaty palms. I seem to think that this problem being in your mind youve got to overcome it with your mind, therefore what i would suggest is the following. Take yourself and your partner to the shower, shower together touching each other to arouse each other but no sexual activity heighten the sexual tension. follow this through drying and into the bedroom. Massage each other intimately under just candle light very romantic setting the mood you should find it a turn on and the candle light is a relaxing motion. Now let this lead to foreplay then on to penetration or you may be in to bondage or whatever your preference then calm the excitement and relax into slow love making penetration still under the candle light. I certainly think this will work repeat after a couple of days but change things a little bit just to spice things up from the last time. My partner had a similar problem and that is how we overcome it but it needs love and patience from your partner along with support. Good Luck!!!!!
A
male
reader, DoubleM +, writes (5 January 2009):
 It is understood that at your age, orgasm via intercourse alone might be an elusive threshold - which is typical. In such cases, oral (cunnilingus) has always served me and my mates very well, but in your case, it may depend upon the male's experience and proficiency. I guess that you may have a mental block about it, but I really suspect not. Agony Aunts may have better input. My suspicion is that this is a case of inexperienced or inattentive lovers.
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A
male
reader, MichaelS2 +, writes (5 January 2009):
 In my Psychology class I learned that most teen women don't have an orgasm until their in college or with an older man.The teacher said that teen males have a tendency to not care about their partners pleasure as much as their own.
My advice would be to try different things.Lots of foreplay and even have him help you masturbate.
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