A
female
age
36-40,
*tfusarahhh
writes:alright, this is going to be long, so bear with me:i'm 20 years old, my ex (as of today) is 22. we had been dating for 8 months last month and after finding out that he had cheated on me (no sex, but making out) throughout basically our whole relationship, he told me he wanted to take a break.during the break, i couldn't help but to call him and even when i got the tiniest amount of courage not to, he would call and i felt compelled to answer. i was and still am completely in love with him. we talked a lot about what was going on with us; he said that he felt like he was too young to settle down but he wanted to be with me in the end. he even had the nerve to tell me that his ideal relationship with me at the time would be for his end of it to be open, while i stayed faithful to him.during our break, i did the whole heart-broken sulky thing, while he actually went out and had sex with other girls, two of them. after about a month of it, i had overstayed my welcome at my dad's place (my boyfriend and i lived together) and my only other option was to move to FL from PA. my boyfriend decided that he wanted to be with me (he was in the power position, even though i had done nthng wrong) and i moved back with him. ive been here a month now, and although i am aware of how stupid it is, ive tried to be more openminded about him wanting to be free to "friendly flirt" (aka making out with random strangers at the bar). last night he went out with two of his friends and came home at 3am only to wake up 4 hours later for work. i made up my mind not to question him about what he had done, i even made him a pot of coffee and fixed him lunch before he woke up. while he was in the shower, i sat in the bathroom and talked to him, and he asked me to look at his phone and check what time it was. there was a text msg rcvd from one of the grls he had been with during our break even though i had asked him to delete her number. its over and the plane ticket has been bought, i leave on the 24th, and i DO NOT WANT TO. i am already regretting buying the ticket. he said that he called the girl for his friend, because apparently she was an easy lay (he should know, hah), but i don't believe him. this is unbearable for me, and when he got home from work today i was trying to play it off as if i was cool, but he came at me with such an attitude and for no reason. i couldn't take it and i snapped; there were some arguements and i even took it to physically hitting him. he's saying i'm overreacting, i think i've been very leneant towards everything, i've comprimised what i wanted so that he could be happier. i NEVER wanted any type of open relationship, but i put that on hold for him so that i might've had the chance to end up with him.i know that moving and erasing him from my life is the best step, but i can't control the way i feel. what should i do? i never want to lose touch with him, but i can't just be his friend. i don't want to move and risk never seeing him again, what if he is the one for me? i know he's treated me badly but i am completely lost. he is the only man i've ever been in love with, the one i feel most comfortable with. he and i talked about marriage. about kids. it blows my mind to think that he is so willing to throw it all away. i know i sound pathetic...sometimes i think that maybe i am overreacting about all of this. i'm young too and i do love him, but maybe it wouldn't be such a bad thing to have sort've an open relationship with him. of course, i'd never be willing to let him have sex with whoever he wanted and i would never do that, either, but maybe i'm looking too far into this. sometimes i feel like if i just tried to participate instead of being miserable thinking that he doesn't want me, maybe i should do a little "friendly flirting" of my own. i honeslty do believe that one day he will grow up and realize that hooking up with random ppl isn't worth is, and i do truly believe that he loves me. there are just so many questions and thoughts running through my mind right now.i regret everything about this day. i regret flipping out when i saw the text message. i regret yelling at him when he got home, and letting him see me cry. i regret letting him know how much control he has over me. all i want is to be with him, as masochistic as that seems. i feel like i can't be happy without him in my life and even though he has been the only one to mess up in this relationship, the way i react to his fuckups is what really pushes us farther apart.i appreciate all of your advice, good or bad, on ALL OF THIS. thanks for trying to help =)ZERO of my friends have experienced ANYTHING even CLOSE to this, so talking with anyone who has can only help.
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (13 June 2008): You might love him, but you cannot have any respect for him!
he will never change and you cannot live like this for the rest of your life; imagine him like this, as a husband or even worse, a father?
Move on, get on that plain, forget about him, do not have any contact, pretend he passed away.
Wehn you feel lonely or missing him, do not text or contact, remind yourself he is no longer in your life.
It will be very difficult, but you will get over him, and meet someboy that will love, value and respect you.
Be strong, think of your life and your future!
A
female
reader, pepper27  +, writes (13 June 2008):
 Hi sweetheart
I would advise you to move on, That really is your only opption you really cant go on living like this...Personally I would turn around quite casually when everything is quite calm and say Im finding somewere else to live if you still want to see me fine! BUT THIS IS AN OPEN RELATIONSHIP! For both of us!!!!....And stick to it...He wants to just have you there incase he is ready to settle down one day and he is taking the piss big time because he knows how you feel...BUT HUNNY DONT BE HIS DOORMAT! I no you love him and its really hard Ive chucked more guys out of my life just like that..My last husband thought he could run around and do what he wanted but he always said to me IF YOU EVER CHEAT THATS IT!!!!When I found out without a shadow of a doubt it was out first anniversary and he thought I was asleep, He was on the phone to a girl...Shitting himself I may add and he had good reason...I let it go that day just asking him once if he had anything to tell me, NOPE!!!OK! 2 days later when he left for work all bouncy I simply messaged him it was over and his stuff was packed...DONT TAKE THE PISS OUT OF ME! Dont let anyone use you love, Oh my husband was sooooooo sorry and 5yrs later still wants me back but tough shit!!!! There is someone out there for you belive me hunny...If you need a chat message me but you turn around and say what I said and then lets see who is so happy...Of course he doesnt want you going out meeting other men. He is a selfish well all I can say is **** Take that control back! stop now, Even though you will probably not leave give him some of his own medicine...To be truthfull hunny you wont have any respect for him the older you get it will disapear with the love because he just does not deserve it hunny and one day you will look at him and think WHAT AM I DOING!!!!!You take care of you WITH LOTS OF LOVE N HUGS MANDY XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (13 June 2008): The only one who can pull you out of this is you. You are gonna have to claw your way out of this hole, and it is going to be hell.You have to cut him out completely, no calls, no letters, nothing. Just move somewhere and do not let him or anyone he will ask know where.You must do this quickly, because old habits die extremely hard so at some point when you have control, do everything and do it so you CAN'T reverse it or go back even if you wanted to. This way, no matter how bad things get, you won't give in and make it worse. You have to trap yourself into doing what is best for you, in other words.If you choose to stay, then its your own grave. You have already seen what this relationship has done to you. And it will NOT get any better. The only thing that can and probably will happen is it will get worse and worse until someone gets hurt.Flynn 24
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