A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I feel my husband is not attracted to me . He shows very little interest in me . I could walk around naked or in lingerie and he wouldn’t bat an eyelid but with other younger women who he clearly finds attractive he definitely pays attention . If we are out he is all eyes for other women , on tv etc . He enjoys porn . He never compliments me despite the fact I frequent do with him . I have asked him if he finds me attractive and he gruffly dismisses me with an office course ‘ . I know in myself I’m attractive and I have healthy self esteem but this doesn’t stop the desire to have a partner who can express an appreciation of me both physically and as a person , who can compliment me occasionally and make me feel cherished . He used to look at me like he looks like other younger woman but now no matter how much effort I make with my appearance he looks at me like an old dishrag . Any advice
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reader, anonymous, writes (31 January 2020): Maybe the marriage has run it's course. You've done your part in trying to keep yourself up and spice up your love life. He, on the other hand, is obviously not interested in making any effort to please you.
It gets a little old hearing that we women should let men be men while we twist ourselves into knots trying to please them. You sound like an intelligent and perceptive woman. It is not unreasonable to expect more from your marriage. You deserve better than what you're getting from him.
A
female
reader, linmuir  +, writes (30 January 2020):
Is it worth asking yourself whether, by staying pre-occupied with what your husband does NOT seem to value in you, you have found a very effective way of distracting yourself from the fear, possible guilt and possible shame of going for what you really want? I think, deep down, you KNOW you want a man to really want you again, return your efforts in a relationship (as is healthy and good practice), and spark your fire and imagination. I think after years of being ignored and rejected and made to feel invisible, it must be hard to face up to how to feel the opposite and to act on it - desirable, attractive, wanted - and yet I see sparks of this from what you say. You notice when men find you attractive and you reflect on this. Your husband is being incredibly selfish, and a lot of men become so at this age (and some are born this way and never change) - what would happen if you didn't just 'focus on you' but took this one step further and actually acted on your need for a reciprocal relationship. You sound giving, and that you have a lot to give but need to learn, quick hard and fast, to take.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (30 January 2020): Thanks for the answers . I think maybe I didn’t explain myself clearly he e the first two answers . I do get my hair and nails done regularly and new clothes and I also have tried lots to spice up our sex life . I’ve also done the whole ‘focus on my own life and not worry about where his attention goes . For many years I had a professional high paying job that kept me busy and I certainly am not the type to obsess of over focus but I have noticed over the years he became less and less attentive so I have tried to make some ‘reasonable’ efforts None of it works . Literally none . This is why I’m asking the question. He doesn’t have erectile difficulties but there is literally zero passion from him . If he were to see another woman though I do see passion in his eyes Has the marriage just run it’s course . I see other men seem to find me attractive in the way he used to and that he finds other women. Neither doing my own thing and being less interested in him not giving him great sex and ignoring his interest in younger women works I don’t want a relationship where I’m just a receptacle for his semen . I want to be in a relationship where there is mutual attraction on a mental and physical level . I am at a loss
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (30 January 2020): Both men and women notice attractive people, however, your husband's behavior is downright disrespectful. Maybe some women wouldn't mind their partners constantly ogling other women in public while he is with them, but others would find it to be uncomfortable and embarrassing. He's taking you for granted. Both men and women need to feel respected and appreciated. Talk to him.
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A
female
reader, singinbluebird  +, writes (29 January 2020):
 This is psychological.
If you stop trying prove yourself, trying impress him or seduce him, and focus only on you, your life, your hobbies, what you enjoy and not trying always seek validation from him...he will notice that space youre allowing between you both and he will start noticing you again and possibly pursue, chase and woo you again.
People want what they cant have. If he looks other women, its bc youre too available for him. Men need miss their women to fall in love. Lean back, do you, peal energy off him anf he will run right back to you bc now youre the object of his desire again.
Honey, its a learning lesson. Let men pursue you by leaning back.
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A
female
reader, EmmyApple +, writes (29 January 2020):
My husband is the same way so I feel your pain. He doesn’t like that I’ve put weight on (even tho he has gained much more than me!!) and he frequently criticizes my belly fat which I feel very self-conscious about. I have never caught him watching hardcore porn - thank God - but he constantly stares at slim girls on TV and scrolls through Instagram looking at pics of slim girls in bikinis or gym wear. He spends hours laying on the couch watching things like bikini contests on TV and just staring... he doesn’t even try to hide it from me. Whenever we are out he will constantly stare at other women especially if they are wearing leggings or anything revealing of their shape. I used to feel really upset by this and felt awful about my body. BUT I have talked to so many other women experiencing the same thing with their husbands. This is just how men are wired - DON’T take it personally. It doesn’t mean he doesn’t love you. In my case, our marriage is pretty good otherwise and we still have a great sex life. Spice things up in the bedroom and try new things. Learn what he enjoys most. Because no girl on TV - no matter how young or slim - can possibly compete with that. Believe me, he will start looking at you a lot more lustfully when you really please him in bed on a regular basis. It has made me feel a lot better about my body and strengthened our marriage a lot. Don’t feel down. You know you are very attractive - and you’ll feel that way again much more when you spice things up for him and he will be all over you.
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A
female
reader, NORA B  +, writes (29 January 2020):
Men will always find younger women attractive..so let them enjoy..their own lost youth.Delighted you stated that you know...you are attractive..well done you and yes keep this up.For yourself..would you consider maybe a different hair style..?...and to give yourself a good factor feeling..maybe change your style of fashion...and perhaps a perfume.Continue to enjoy the fact that you are attractive..and have a healthy self esteem..and just try and ignore your husband watching younger women.Maybe a comment....on how attractive that younger man is across the room/bar...and see how he reacts...Kind regards NORA.B.
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