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female
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anonymous
writes: I think my heart evaporated! I am 24 and at age 16 my boyfriend died in a car accident. I think he might have been my soulmate. I have never been able to feel love since I just never feel anything. I have him on a pedestal and no one has ever come close to how amazing he was. I am an attractive girl i get guys falling all over themselves trying to win me over but I just end up hurting them because i am incapable of loving. I dont want to be alone forever but it's not fair for them or me to be with someone I can't love. Shouldn't i be healed after eight years?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (30 December 2007): its been about a 1 and half since my boyfriend was killed in a car accident and i understand how you feel. I just push people away. I dont know if you ever get over it or if you can ever love the same again but you have to learn to love a different way... maybe it isnt the same as it was before but dont be afraid a a new love... a different love...
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (14 August 2007): i feel exactly like u im 16 year old female. When i met my boyfiend i was only 15 we were together for a year and i was totaly in love with him.At the end of june this year he commited suicide i feel lost without him and dont feel i can imagine ever finding someone to replace him.does this feeling ever go away? please help i cant move on im lost without him and im still deeply in love x
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reader, anonymous, writes (7 December 2005): I am so sorry dear..for what you have endured. Losing a loved one through death is most difficult, painful hardship there is. I know in your heart, it is hard to imagine rebuilding a life without him. The one reader who suggested grief counseling was correct and I concur with him. Also, your church minister, your family counselling services or family doctor can steer you in the right direction. Ask for guidance. Your heart will mend, eventually..but you just need support. Look to healing and then a good way to continue helping yourself is putting your time and commitment toward helping others and you will find your life opening up in ways you never expected. My heart is with you, dear...take care
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female
reader, not again +, writes (7 December 2005):
hello, i am sorry to hear about your loss. Often when a relationship ends due to circumstances such as death, or one person moving cities etc (instead of a break up which has more closure and a reason such as someone cheating etc) it is harder to let go of because we hold on to "what might have been". Because it had not in fact "ended" you imagine it to be all of the things it could be. As much as you cared for him who knows whetehr you two would together if he were still alive- probably not. The time between 16 years and the age you are now is a huge growing time. Also i'm guessing he was your first love? This is very hard to let go of no matter what the circumstances! But it is important that you let go "what might've been" because you are stopping yourself from growing until you do. This doesn't mean forgetting about your first boy friend- it is about knowing that he is in your heart always- and that what you shared was very special.Sharing yourself and being with someone else isn't going to take away from what you two had. It is important that you trust that you will love again. It has happened once and can of course happen again.Where ever he is he will not be wanting you to stop moving on because of him. Think of him as the wind behind your back pushing you forward into new things- new times. Best of luck. :)
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (7 December 2005): Yes, to some extent, enough time has passed for you to be healed. You should seek professional grief counseling. You can get a referral from ministers, and even funeral homes, or your local mental health association. Good luck. It takes a lot of courage to ask the question you have asked. I suspect you already knew the answer. Don't expect to ever forget him, or what he meant to you. That will stay with you the rest of your life. What counseling will help you do is put that in its place in memories, and allow you to get on with your life, meet someone new, and not spend all the time comparing the new man to this now dead friend. It is very common for us all to sanctify the dead, remembering only their best qualities, and never their shortcomings. When you are young, it is worse. If you sat down with his family and asked them to tell you about his mischief, and his falls from grace, I suspect you would have a better understanding of who he was. I found out after a friend of mine died that he had lied about an entire portion of his life, for no reason at all. I don't think less of him, but wish I could ask him why he bothered making up the tale. He was very human. I miss the guy, and its been 14 years now, since his death, but I hold no illusions that he was a saint. I knew him better than that.
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female
reader, Mirabell +, writes (7 December 2005):
 Maybe he was your soul mate. That doesn't mean that you can't be happy with anyone else. Be careful that you aren't hanging on to the idea with him to avoid having to become close to anyone else. I know you are scared that the next one will leave you too. Remember that if you hadn't taken the time to love him you two would have never been together. Don't let his death overshadow the rest of your life.
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