A
male
age
36-40,
*earlover
writes:So I recently met a guy from out of state, and it has been going well but we have only seen each other a few times. The first time we met, we had dinner and a great time, just cuddled and no sex. A month later we meet again and spend a few days together where we have a great time enjoying each others company, and also some oral sex. Neither of us has said anything clear about a complete commitment. We did book a trip to be together once again though. I recently received an email back from a guy I sent an email to from a dating site and was wanting to hear from a while ago who said to call him. Do you guys think its wrong of me to follow up with this other guy when things with guy #1 are going good?
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reader, anonymous, writes (24 April 2014): [Edit] "Playing the field is find if you don't setup a social commitment like a trip see one person; and secretly decide to go pursue something else on the side."
Playing the field is fine, if you don't setup a social commitment like a trip to see one person; and secretly decide to go pursue someone else on the side.
In addition to this, the other guy didn't seem all that fired up to get in touch with you from the start. So maybe he made sure other things were out of the way first. As should you.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (24 April 2014): I think you need to continue to see where things are going with the guy you're already seeing. You're getting a little greedy; because you feel you already have one on the hook, and you're still casting your net to see who else you can catch just in case he's not what you want.
The problem is, you'll be discovered; because it's hard to juggle two people at once. You'll make a bad impression of yourself, looking like a two-timer to someone you've gone so far as to plan a trip to be together again.
If you undo that first; your options are once again open.
No you are not committed; but you do have some responsibility to him not to lead him on; while you look into something else you may be interested in.
You could inform the other guy that you are seeing someone at the moment. You want to see where it goes.
You're going to place yourself in the position where you can't decide; so you'll cheat between the two in order to have your cake and to eat it too. Then you'll have the problem of having to breakup with someone; but it might be too much of a temptation to be a player.
I'm a gay man too, so I know how these things can play out. Playing the field is find if you don't setup a social commitment like a trip see one person; and secretly decide to go pursue something else on the side.
If you tell the other guy you heard from someone you might want to spend some time with, he'll have the chance to decide if he may want to do the same. What's good for the goose, is good for the gander. Don't play it one-sided.
It's all fine if you decide to tell guy#1 what you're going to do. I think it is highly unlikely that you will. You want to keep him dangling on the hook; while you continue fishing. He has just as much right to see others as you do.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (24 April 2014): OP while it's technically fine to test drive more than one car these days it really all depends on what you want.
I mean if you're just dating casually for the hell of it then do what you like.
Personally I'm the kind of person who only dates one at a time. Even if I'm only looking for a casual hook up, I don't want to risk having that turn into something serious and me having started the whole thing seeing others at the same time.
Potential partners do not deserve to be treated like "options" to me. Not that anything is wrong with that, I know plenty of people who like having people as options. It's just not for me, I'm a one woman man and I expect the same respect. I too will not just be a woman's option, battling other people for her affection.
If #1 is someone you'd like to keep exploring then put #2 on the back burner by either respond saying you're seeing someone or not at all.
It's not wrong, OP, people do it but #1 might no longer be an option if he finds out.
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A
female
reader, Daisy_Daisy  +, writes (24 April 2014):
 This is a bit of a cop out but the second guy took quite a while to respond to your initial message to him so you under no obligation to respond to him right away. So, why not take some time, meet up with #1 guy again, and reassess your feelings after that. Do you want to be with him exclusively, or date other people? If you still want to date others, ask #1 guy how he feels about multiple dating.
Personally I would expect someone to be transparent with me if they are dating other people (especially if it's getting sexual), though I do recognise that for other people it's almost a given until the "exclusive" talk has happened. I think what would be "wrong" would be to let things get more sexual with guy#1 without being transparent about the other guy.
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A
female
reader, Intrigued3000  +, writes (24 April 2014):
 Personally speaking, if I like guy #1, I would not entertain anyone else, but I have friends who have no issue playing the field until someone decides to commit. It really depends on what you feel is right for you. I don't think there is a right or wrong in this situation.
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A
male
reader, CMMP +, writes (24 April 2014):
Here's the thing; you're dating with no commitment. That means it's generally not considered wrong to be dating other people.
However, there's always the risk of offending the other person. If you really like someone you should commit sooner than later or he could meet someone else too. Or worse, you could end up falling for two people who want you to commit.
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