A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Hello everyone, :]. Let me begin by saying that this is really hard for me to talk about and if there is anything that needs clarification I can do that. I'm going to give lots of details so I can hopefuly avoid having to do that.It started maybe a year ago, I got my period and it lasted for almost three months. I became extremely sick and ended up going to the doctor to see what was wrong. They decided to put me on birth control to stop the bleeding, that worked but I was and still have really bad cramping sometimes. Sometimes it gets so bad I have trouble walking or standing up. My doctor decided to do a pap smear and to do an internal pelvic exam to make sure there was nothing wrong (cysts, tumors etc.).I'm 19, and this would have been my first time having one so I brought my mom with me. I was kind of nervous just because my mom and doctor both told me that it would probably hurt a little. Anyways, I was on the table, my doctor about to do the exam when I completely freaked out. I ended up having a panic attack.When they calmed me down my doctor asked me if I had ever been molested or raped at all. I had been when I was young, about 9 years old by a neighbor and I thought I had gotten over it, I had managed to not think about it for a very long time. This was the first time I had told my mom also.I have now been having a very hard time with this. I have tried to do the exam a third time now and each time with a similar result, even with the help of medication. I have started having nightmares and flashbacks about what happened. I've talked to my mom about it but haven't gone into detail. It just makes me feel ashamed and worthless. I did tell my boyfriend a few days ago (in detail) because he asked what happened to me. Now I'm regretting it, I don't want him to think any less of me. I really don't know what to do, is there anyone else out there who has had similar situation?
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female
reader, eyeswideopen +, writes (8 April 2010):
 Okay this is something that needs to be addressed by a professional. Please ask your doctor to refer you to a therapist that specializes in childhood sexual abuse. You need to get this under control once and for all. It will affect your quality of life until you do. Good luck, and know this, you are not alone and you'll be able to overcome this but it will require expert help.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (8 April 2010): Your health should be the utmost concern here. If you need to be fully sedated to have a full gyno exam, then do it. The trauma you experienced in the past is horrible, and its no doubt you are going to have feelings of terror when a stranger is near you. The feeling of "exposure and vulnerability is common in annuals exams(even for those who haven't experienced sexual assault. But as someone who personally is dealing with cysts and female health issues, I know the importance of being checked out.
Ask your doctor for strong xanax. have your mom with you in the room, do whatever it takes, but get the exam. you life and health could depend on it.
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A
female
reader, loveluster  +, writes (8 April 2010):
i think you could go and speak to a citizens advice person or someone at the police station they can help you resolve the problem and to help make yhu feel better you could also ask your doctor for advice if its getting you down so much you might have to go on anti depressions or another tablet but theese will help stop you thinking about it. in order to get over it you need to identify the part which is the part u always remember then u need to think about there point of view on the story,, yhuu need to speak to some one so u can try help get rid of it emoitionly.. yhuu need to start trusting people and forgrting the past and move on with your life , then u can start to love yourself and other people and your life.. hope this helped x
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A
female
reader, sweetspicy +, writes (8 April 2010):
 Hey I would like to answer your questions about your nightmare, I beive that when we dream it is our subconsious tring to tell us something. If you dont mind could you send me exactly what happend in the nightmare in full detail (charecters, colors, events, ect.). I have had my share of ups and downs. Most of my dreams after interpreted give me a stronger meaning to my life and a better understanding to what seems out of focus. I think that if I interpet your nightmare it will help you to get through this tough situation in your life.
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