A
female
age
30-35,
*lexiedos
writes:Ok so this was a year ago now. Me and my boyfriend had been going out for seven months when we went to the same uni and i got involved with another man and broke it off with him. That dissolved quickly and by the new semester i was back with my boyfriend, however i found out that he'd lied when i asked him if he had had sex with anyone else whilst we were apart, he said he hadnt but had with 2 girls (one of which i knew and is a very nasty bit of work) and had kissed a few. Its been a year now and we are so in love but i keep having dreams and panic attacks at night like its all real and happening now and im going to lose the love of my life. Also i unwillingly get pictures of this girl i know in my head and i think shes repulsive and he says she is but then again he still had sex with her! I am going to live with him when we get back to uni and i need to know how i can stop my brain from unconciously plagueing me at night because i cant sleep and its making me really sad. Can anyone give advise on how i could move on from this?
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reader, anonymous, writes (23 July 2009): Ballistic levels of possessive sexual jealousy (often with a strong element of breathtaking hypocrisy i.e. 'it's OK for me to sleep with as many other people as I choose, but totally unacceptable for my boyfriend/husband to even make eye contact with anyone else') is a classic manifestation of bipolar disorder. In terms of managing your condition if you are bipolar, I won't pretend it's easy, but there's a couple of things that would greatly help. 1) Keeping yourself as informed and educated about the various effects, so that you can see these patterns at work within yourself, and recognise them when they occur. 2) Sharing as much of this information as you can with the ones you love, so they can do the same and look out for you 3) Talking as honestly as you can to your loved ones about your feelings, rather than bottling them up 4) Honesty with your doctor (though don't overdo this - some of them are inclined to institutionalise people at the drop of a hat, or over-medicate, and end up harming the patient more than helping). Depends how much you trust your doctor. Good luck, pm if you need further advice
A
female
reader, Alexiedos +, writes (23 July 2009):
Alexiedos is verified as being by the original poster of the question I have read around and realised i am experiencing a bit of post traumatic stress syndrome which brings on these attacks. Its made worse by my syptoms of bi polar disorder, i think i need proper help and not bad advise from men that dont know what im going through.
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A
female
reader, Alexiedos +, writes (23 July 2009):
Alexiedos is verified as being by the original poster of the questionOk so i probably deserve you all being really harsh to me, i know what i did was wrong and i have accepted what he did which yes was to have sex with them. However i cant stop the dreams of what happened in my head. Im not being mean to my boyfriend about it at all! I said i probably would have done the same thing, and he would never leave me so thats wrong. I dont need someone telling me i shouldnt bug him over it cause thats what he was supposed to do. I didnt go back to my boyfriend straight after this other man either. To be honest i think the story i have put is very vague but thats cause the points not about the past at all its about how i can move on and stop it affecting me because when im with my boyfriend i never think about it at all, its usually when im alone and lonely. Sorry if nobody can help me without putting me down its terrible.
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A
male
reader, Red Green 0289  +, writes (23 July 2009):
Ok, you dumped him to have a bit of fun with another, I can't tell from your email if he did or did NOT have sex with one or both of these other women... but let's say he did - you two were broken up... he should have nailed them both. Who cares... he's a college age man, if he could have he'd have sex with the two of them at the same time. It's what people at that age do...
The problem is that you keep having re-runs of these supposed sex acts in your head. You need to get into the school counciling center (assuming that you're still in Uni) or to a good counciler and talk this out. You may have to work on this for a month or two, this is important! you've got to get over this, or he's going to have his fill of this BS, dump you and have sex with more girls... so your nightmare will get worse.
Please go work with some one who can listen and allow you to explore and discover what's driving this and then do the work to resolve it. You'll be happier, he'll be happier!
Good Luck!
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (23 July 2009): Ok, Alexiedos, you, yourself "dumped" bf when you went to university. You went with this "other man" (other kid student) because you were interested in "exploring the big new world of uni", or whatever. It went bust and you went back to bf. Now, you are upset that he "saw other girls" during that time. What did you expect him to be doing? Pining in his room over you? Grow up, honey. You rolled your own dice, here. If you have a problem with one of his exes, either forget her, or tell bf you can't forget her and leave him alone. Do NOT keep bugging him about it. He will get tired of that and walk. I would. You really have no right to be upset one way or the other. Does he bug you about the "other man"?
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