A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Ahh, where to begin. My husband and I are newly weds, and we both waited til marriage to have sex. Anyhow, when I took my clothes off for him for the first time, he was disappointed. Reason being my boobs are smaller than he thought they would be (he told me this.) I never tried to make them look larger before, but apparently fully clothed they appear a bit larger than when I'm naked. Now I've never been one to feel insecure about my body as I'm very attractive. I'm 5'6", weigh around 115, have a pretty face, long thick hair, nice legs, butt etc. The only thing "wrong" is I have next to nothing in the boob area...and that makes my husband find my body unattractive. I'm trying not to judge him for this as he can't help how he feels. He didn't like what he saw, and he can't force himself to. I guess I just have these questions:Why do I have to be completely 100 per cent perfect for my husband to desire me? (Like I said, I am in no way ugly. My boobs are my only "flaw.")How can I get him to be attracted to me anyway regardless of my boob size? (Implants are out of the question. For one, he's said in the past he hates fake boobs, don't remember how it came up, but that's what he said. I don't have the money to do that anyhow, and even if I did, I don't care to mutilate myself just to be "perfect".)Are there any guys out there who actually prefer small boobs over large? (And don't lie to make me feel better. If you prefer large, don't say otherwise and give me false hope.) Do any guy out there find their girlfriend/wife the most beautiful girl in the world, flaws and all? (Meaning do you find your partner more attractive than the unrealistic women you see on t.v. and in porn?)Are there any guys who have lost attraction for their partners, and what did you do about it? Did you try to get past it, did you simply fantasize about someone else to get aroused, or did you leave the girl? (Just curious.)
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reader, anonymous, writes (17 March 2015):
I would be seriously considering a divorce.
Yes, it is likely his inexperience coupled with sheer stupidity that led to a comment like that. He probably has no idea what normal breasts look like. Many, many women have small breasts but he has one idea he got from a magazine. I would suggest you and your husband examine the "normal breasts gallery" online for starters.
But really, do you want to stay with this rude pig for life?
And btw I am a woman with very small breasts.
My experiences with several partners over my life have been positive and accepting. Most (out of the handful) have been very passionate. Btw, one person i was in a relationship with told me out of the blue I had the most beautiful breasts he had ever seen! and yes he was serious (always had liked small perky boobs).So yes, there are men who prefer or at least equally enjoy our body type! Others told me I had a beautiful body. I tell you this to say don't worry, there are plenty of men out there who will find your body a huge turn on. And even more who will come to see it as absolutely perfect after they fall in love with you.
The question now is how to get rid of your idiot husband and get your confidence back up to a level where you will be able to be intimate with someone else who will make you feel beautiful.
I wish you all the best and hope that you will overcome this in the way that is best for you.
I would say divorce or an affair where you will be able to feel desired. you deserve that.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (5 May 2012): Look, if you want to impress you your husband, make the change but make it something to do together. what I mean is look up way's to pleas him. If you put some effort in to your relationship as a team and stop looking at everything as an attack. it is available why not, Look up pills (Try them). I tell my wife my body is hers, to order, if she wants me to have a bigger chest,back, penis or what ever. I do it with in reason of health. I will not get caught in BS "love me the way I am" garbage AKA lazy lover. Think of all of the thing that we do in day before we meet the world, make-up hair smell good, and is for people we don't know. I put that in to my wife the one I plan on having for life. Sure we can all hide behind are wall of insecurity, and say there nothing wrong wilt me or you should of thought of that when you married me or we can take the high road, try it stick with it and invest in are relationships.
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reader, anonymous, writes (31 May 2011): "find their girlfriend/wife the most beautiful girl in the world, flaws and all"
Yeah, there are. My wife is the most beautiful thing/person in the world to me.
By the way, you can't be 5'6" and weigh 115 pounds and have big boobs, it doesn't work that way.
Your husband has some growing up to do, sorry you had to deal with this. He needs to make some serious amends for what he said, and you will never forget it.
"wrong"
There is nothing wrong with you. If this is his ongoing behavior, then you need to terminate the marriage if it can't be worked out with counseling because he is not the kind of person that can be good for you in a relationship.
I had a friend, who had a girlfriend with same build as you, and he was obsessed with her lack of breast material. She was very pretty. He dumped her, and went on to fuck a lot of other women in his life to date, 25 years later, with big boobs, medium boobs, you name it, all attractive women. There was always something wrong with all of them.
Today, he is 48, single, and lonely, probably sleeping next to another woman who is half his age right now, but she isn't perfect either.
Then, you get someone like me, my wife is perfect, young and thin, pregnant, post pregnant, older and heavier, gray hair, fatigue in her eyes, worry lines from child rearing, and nothing and nobody in the world is a beautiful as she is. Her smile lights up the my world.
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reader, anonymous, writes (30 May 2011): Im sorry, that must be painful to hear. To answer your question I adore small breasted women and hate very large breasts. I mean I LOVE small breasts. I am very picky about butts though. We cannot help what attracts us, but TRUE love should overcome any petty perceived flaw. He may be like a friend of mine and be obsessed over boobs. He would date girls even he thought were ugly if they had boobs he liked. Whatever you do LOVE yourself and have confidence. Act like if he doesn't want you, you are sure a lot of oter guys would(which I'm sure is true!) Confidence is SEXY and will make him think twice.
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reader, anonymous, writes (28 May 2011): You know I want to say that we girls can sometimes be soo exaggerating, we think something and dont look around any more. My breasts were small too (they got bigger after pregnancy), and i was so insecure about them. My bf didnt have the habit of kissing them during sex, and all i was thinking was that "my breasts are so ugly,, he probably desires those other women with big breasts", and all types of depressing thoughts like that. Then, after 3 years, i dared to ask him about what he is looking for in a woman, and found out that it was the butts! :-D and my butts are just all right. What i want to say, is just if he has chosen you, it REALLY means that he wants you. Because there are millions of girls of different shapes around, why would he date you and not them?And also, EVEN IF he is a little not interested in your body, just keep yourself pretty and make other men want you (dont cheat though), and your prince will want you more, not matter which part of you he prefers or not, yeah, men are like this - they want the woman that others want
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reader, anonymous, writes (5 May 2011): i doubt he's perfect either; small penis, receding hair line, back hair. as you said, you are attractive and he is attracted to you, not your breasts. besides, although i'm gay myself, i've always thought realistic women were more beautiful anyways -- drew barrymore has very small breasts and many men find her attractive.
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reader, svf  +, writes (3 May 2011):
 I think because your husband and you are new to intimacy, he has shown real stupidity in his naivite? I am hoping that he just blurted out the first thing on his mind, as opposed to saying something that he actually meant. What is the relationship like with him, and how did you both reach the stage of becoming engaged and then married? What was his attitude like BEFORE you married. Has he changed a lot since you became husband and wife?If he has changed and overnight become more insensitive and is nit picking at everything you do, including your body shape and size, I am afraid it does not bode well for the future. I know, I was married and divorced twice (!) by the age of 30.However, if he has been treating you just the same as he always did, maybe you may have reacted with hurt from his insensitivity at that moment? I know his reaction will be forever etched on your brain, oh dear, but, how has it been between you since when you do go to have sex? Is it good and is he satisfying you and vice versa?I think if he has gotten over his 'shock', you 2 can move on and you can put this thought out of your head. I really hope so, as it was a comment that was hopefully spoken allowed without any thought or intent, but is has really brought out your insecurities, as it would do for many women.By the way, I hope this makes you feel better - I have even smaller than average breasts (AA - that is correct, Double A!) and I have had nothing but compliments on them all my life, men go crazy over them as they love my nipples. And I have had a few partners over the years to - so, small isn't all that bad. They still look just the same as they did when I was 15. I love my breasts as I haven't had to wear a bra in YEARS, except when I am pregnant and breast feeding (currently they are a B heading to a C and I'm only 4 months pregnant so you can imagine what they're like when I'm breastfeeding!) I can honesly say, yes I got a lot of looks when they were bigger - for my body as I am 5ft 1 - but, I HATED them! Can you imagine that? Finally got big boozies and I absolutely hated them! They were like these big bags of fat and I can tell you, having a cleavage that stuck out everywhere just did not suit me. But then again, I am half Chinese/Sri Lankan, so maybe that's why, but they just looked so stupid on my frame...Please listen to Cerberus comments, as they are excellent and they are coming from another male's point of view.By the way, he would have had a rough idea of what your breasts look like before he saw them anyway, so he really can't be that dissapointed in them. As an aside, does he look at lot's of porn with big breasts? Just remember, he loves you and chose you, not a big breasted woman in the first place. His comments didn't sound as if he wasn't interested in your breasts, more that is was an off the cuff insensitive comment.As a LAST RESORT, if he's still making negative comments that are truly upsetting for you - my partner said to throw one back at him - "You know, I hate to say this but your dick is smaller than I thought it would be too!" I hope it brings a smile to your face, but he maintains that any guy would collapse if you were to say that to him so think long and hard before using that one! xx
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reader, Taps +, writes (2 May 2011):
Nobody is perfect...What he told you is hurtful. My GF told me before while we were hugging and kissing that she wishes I was taller. Just blurted it out and we were not even fighting. I got hurt so bad and felt insecure.
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reader, justnicky +, writes (1 May 2011):
 your boyfriend needs to learn to appreciate you the way you are. that means for what you have and what you don't. no i'm not gay but you are perfect the way you are. he needs to learn to deal with that
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reader, anonymous, writes (1 May 2011): No one is perfect, not even your husband. Some men like large busts, while some like small ones but thats not really the point because how other men feel doesnt matter. Its how your husband feels that counts. IF he truely loved you, no matter what you did or didnt have. He would think you beautiful. Love really is blind in the sense that we dont see flaws or if we do, they are of no importance to us. If your husband didnt know what to expect and had to use his imagination, sure he is going to imagine larger breasts...because that is usually what we all see everywhere in the media. Speaking his thoughts aloud wasnt very thoughtful of him. But it shouldnt stop him desiring you. If he isnt interested in you physically just because of the size you are, then there might be more at play here than you realize. He might not actually want any physical relationship anyway and is using your size as an excuse. You need to have a talk to him about the way he is behaving.
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reader, Hugh.J  +, writes (1 May 2011):
 I was going to reply with positive things, "Cerberus", but you have said it all perectly - right on target as usual.5 star rating for you again.
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reader, anonymous, writes (1 May 2011): Something is wrong with this picture and it's not your breasts it's your husband. I'm sorry to tell you, but true love is loving someone wholeheartedly, flaws and all. Your husband shouldnt be concerned with the size of your breasts, he should love you for you, when you truly love someone you don't get turned off by these things, what's he going to do if you get pregnant and gain weight?. Be turned off again?Your husband is shallow and obviously married you for the wrong reasons. Did he marry you just to have sex? Where is the love here? He has already started to make you not feel good about yourself. This marriage doesn't look like a it will be a very good union. Your husband doesn't sound like he's a very loving supportive husband that loves you inside and out. Not sure why you two got married . Sounds like a shallow superficial union.
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reader, anonymous, writes (1 May 2011): First off OP he only said "they're smaller than he'd thought they'd be" right? That's all? If that is the case OP, then it wasn't the most sensitive thing to say but it by no means means they're unattractive. Unless he said he finds them unattractive, then you can't just assume that from what he said.OP he's very inexperienced, what he said is just a part of that. I mean when I first started having sex I told the girl I didn't think her nipples would be as big, it was a stupid thing to say but it didn't mean I didn't find them attractive. OP we guys are almost always surprized when we first see a woman's breasts outside of her bra. You see we spend so long looking at them in that shape and size that when they take them out they almost always have a different shape and size. He just had this preconceived notion of what they looked like. Bras just do that OP, that's why women wear them sure because they give breasts a nice uniform size and shape. I mean I've had quite a few sexual partners and I have to say for the most part I was surprized when they took their bra off, some looked completely different than I imagined. Because we guys do tend to imagine our girlfriends breasts a lot and we get to used to thinking they're like that.Guys of such limited experience as your boyfriends would used to seeing naked breasts only in the movies, and generally they're always quite big and have a uniform shape.OP did he actually say he finds your body unattractive? If he did say that then that's a different matter altogether and you have much bigger problems than just that OP.OP if he's not attracted to your body then nothing you can do will change that, I'm sorry but there really is nothing. You can't make yourself attracted to something like that. But I find it very hard to believe that he does feel that way, I really do. You must be together a long time before your marriage, so there's no way he didn't know what your body was like in all those years. I mean you didn't wear a burka all that time did you?"Why do I have to be completely 100 per cent perfect for my husband to desire me?" You don't, and if you do then you and he are just not going to work out. You're just not. That is the risk with waiting until marriage OP, you just don't know if you're sexually compatible beforehand and if he really does feel the way you think he does that might well be the case."How can I get him to be attracted to me anyway regardless of my boob size?" As I said he most likely is and he most likely does like your boobs. But if he said he doesn't (directly, not just your own assumptions) then that's a bigger issue and one you must have a long discussion with him about."Are there any guys out there who actually prefer small boobs over large?" Hell yeah, I love small boobs. They're much more manageable, they don't sag, they remain firmer longer. I can fit the whole boob into my hand, they don't get in the way, small boobs are just nice, neat little beautiful breasts. The only drawback about small boobs is usually the attitude of the woman with them, the feeling of inadequacy that a lot of women feel about having small boobs can be a real turn off and some of those women take it too far and almost make you feel guilty for liking them."Do any guy out there find their girlfriend/wife the most beautiful girl in the world, flaws and all?" My god yes!!! In fact most of us do. Regardless of weight, size, breast size, shape, height, all that. Of course we do. There are idiots that don't but then they're with their girlfriend for the wrong reasons. My girl has, a nice bit of extra weight, stretchmarks, moles, she wouldn't get a modelling contract tomorrow but she is the most gorgeous woman I've ever laid eyes on bar none. OP emotional beauty is far more powerful than aesthetic beauty and it can alter your aesthetic perception of something. Plus we guys have just as many flaws OP, so you just consider your own feelings on the matter and know that we guys are just the same as you."Are there any guys who have lost attraction for their partners, and what did you do about it?" There is that too though OP. Some guys/girls lost attraction for their partners when they gained weight or other such factors, usually they're emotional factors though OP. If you were dating an attractive, happy go lucky energetic person, that has suddenly become depressed, withdrawn and gained lots of weight, then it is kind of hard to find those things attractive. It happens Op but it's not the norm.I have become less attracted to past partners, lots of times but it was always on an emotional level. For example my girlfriend has put on weight since we first started dating, she's still and probably even more beautiful to me now because she's still that girl I fell in love with, she hasn't become a bitch, nor is she depressed and she still treats me like a king. Some of my exes were not that way.I dated one girl who was very attractive and seemed to be a lovely person but the longer we went out the more I got to know the real her and she was a manipulative scheming bitch and she got ugly very quickly to me, as in I physically couldn't bring myself even to touch her because she repulsed me. Another was a girl who had always had problems with yo-yo weight. I wouldn't mind that, only I met her when she was in a skinny phase, she was happy confident and fun loving. But she slowly deteriorated into a withdrawn, insecure, mess when she gained weight. OP it's very ahrd to find someone attractive when they loath how they look. You can tell them you love their body over and over again but they'll refuse to believe you and what;s worse is their perception of theirs can poison yours too. The more you hear a girl say she hates her small boobs over and over the more likely it is that you too will begin to dislike them because they become the focus of this annoying insecurity that the woman always brings up, so you start look at those boobs less favourably.OP this is an issue you need to have a long serious and frank discussion with your husband about. Something tells me you've blown this all out of proportion, something tells you're assuming a hell of a lot that's just not true. So sit down with him and get everything out in the open. If it still is the case OP, then you have a lot of thinking to do, you and he will have to think of a solution to this because there's no way you should live the rest of your life with a man who finds you unattractive. It'll wear you down slowly but surely and you'll live a long life of being with a guy who only makes you feel you're not good enough. That's not worth it at all.
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reader, anonymous, writes (1 May 2011): Hey you!Respectfully put, your body sounds very attractive. As a guy, I have no preference for boobs at all. I dated a girl with small breasts for 5 1/2 years and was always turned on by them. Have I seen porn? Yes, however, Im maybe one of the few guys that can say that it hasnt made me shallow. I dated a girl who had bigger breasts but they sagged big time and that was only a huge turn off cause she didnt care about her body and drank all the time, ate horribly, and just had no healthy lifestyle.Your husband should appreciate who you are inside and out. If he's not attracted, that isnt your fault at all. Thats all him and if that affects the sex life significantly, your marriage could end as a healthy sex life is conducive to a healthy overall marriage. I do absolutely applaud you for waiting and admire your ethics and morals. MY best on this.
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reader, anonymous, writes (1 May 2011): Well, I'm not a guy, and I'm sorry you are facing this. It sounds very shallow of him, and insensitive too. I just wanted to say that one of my best friends also has a flat chest and she has no problem having great sex with lots of guys (I know, totally different set of values).Did your husband look at a lot of porn before? Maybe that's why he had unrealistic expectations?
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reader, anonymous, writes (1 May 2011): Wow, your husband sounds like a good catch!! Sorry, I am shocked that he could say something like that to you. You are a human being. Everybody has ¨flaws´,nobody is perfect. Any way . . . what is perfection? Plastic barbie doll?? I have small boobs. I have concidered a boob job, my boyfriend tells me I am perfect the way I am. He loves me for me. As your new husband is human. Why dont you tell him some home truths? Treat negative people with the same negativity. That usually makes them think twice. Good luck with your marrige.
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reader, anonymous, writes (1 May 2011): I feel for you!! That was incredibly insensitive and UNFAIR for him to tell you that and make you feel that way about yourself. You are in no way any less of woman, he is being a downright pig for focusing on one tiny thing, whereas you sound like a great woman overall. I would question whether he actually deserves you!!I'm a small busted woman myself, and I know I can't speak for what any guys think, but I can tell you from my experience, I've dated a guy who had the same reaction as your hubbie, and I've dated others who saw beyond one thing and loved me for me. Right now i'm very happy in a relationship where he says anything is good, because I'm his girl and all that kind of stuff. There is more to a girl than her boob size!! He needs to get over that, he should be making you feel like the gorgeous woman you are, and should be excited when he sees you, not treat you like crap. I'm sorry, but what kind of guy honestly thinks woman are what they are portrayed to be in moves and porn? Ones that never have a healthy relationship and live in the real world!Please stay by what you are saying now, do not change yourself eg plastic surgery to improve for him, he should care about you more than boobs, did he seriously just focus on your boobs when he saw his new wife nude??
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