A
female
age
41-50,
*mcdaniel
writes:I have been dating a man for approximately 3 months, although it feels like so much longer. We spend every day together, every night together; we do everything together. He's quickly become not only someone that I am deeply in love with, but also my best friend. We started out hot and heavy very quickly and began saying "I love you" within the first month. About 3 weeks ago I was hit with a brick. He told me that he didn't feel that way about me and he didn't know what had changed. The problem is, he was with someone for 7 years and just recently broke off the engagement to her. He was badly hurt by her; she cheated on him. His actions are so loving and he honestly acts like he's in love with me. We are still in a very committed relationship. He just no longer tells me he loves me. What's going on? Am I crazy to think this will ever work? I know he's confused; will he just end up hurting me?
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female
reader, Minelisse  +, writes (8 July 2008):
 Hi there... seven years are a lot to leave behind. I was married for one and getting over him took me almost 2 years (until I stopped comparing everyone to him and that sort of things). Everyone is different, and being married, to me, is a whole other story.
In short... 6 months is little time to get past 7 years of memories. Give him space, try to help, if you see it isn't working move on. Maybe in a couple of years you'll meet again. Who knows!
A
female
reader, lmcdaniel +, writes (8 July 2008):
lmcdaniel is verified as being by the original poster of the questionOk, to clairify some of the questions in the responses; he had been officially unengaged for about 6 months before we met and he had also had about a month and 1/2 long relationship before we met. So this gave me the idea that he had dealt with things and that the previous girl before me might have taken the rebound issue for me. Thoughts?
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (8 July 2008): Three months is a new relationship and you are still in the infatuation stage. If you want to ruin a new relationship fast then spend every waking moment with each other, this is a recipe for failure. You need to force yourself to keep up your old life, your old activities and interests or this man is going to feel overwhelmed. Even though he may act as if he loves you, he may be getting over tired of all the intensity of your relationship.
The fact that he just left a 7 year relationship and jumped right into an every day thing with you is a big red flag. He is distracting himself from the pain and recovery he will have to go through to get over his past serious relationship. This may not work out for you do to him being on the rebound.
If you want any chance of it working out, then back off immediately. I mean do not initiate any sort of contact by phone, mail, email.....get busy with your own life and even start dating again. You are not in a committed relationship if he has told you that he no longer loves you and he doesn't know what changed. What changed is that he is coming out of the infatuation stage and he is getting to know the real you and he is not sure....normal enough, but he is thinking of leaving or he would not tell you this....so give him his space, don't put all of your expectations into this one guy to make you happy. You after all are responsible for your own happiness.
This should take some pressure off and make him wonder what you are up to, and if he is worried about losing you, he should step up a little more.
Good Luck
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A
female
reader, Minelisse +, writes (8 July 2008):
I'm with Emily on this one, try to give him some space to figure things out. It's not easy to come off a 7 year relationship and just go back into another serious one, more so if he has not cut off all emotional attachments yet. You don't specify how long it was from ending the previous relationship to starting going out with you, but 7 years of history is a lot to put behind.
Give him some space and time... try to be objective about this situation and about the possibility of you being a rebound. However, some rebound relationships can work, they just might need more time and effort on your part. Talk to him and ask how can you help in the process.
Best of lucks!
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A
female
reader, Emilysanswers  +, writes (8 July 2008):
Wow, well you are acting like a married couple when most people are still dating.
If you are spending every second together and he's just come out of a long term thing then it's no wonder he's freaking out.
He needs some space to figure out who he is, and then he needs to date you, and take it slowly, not move in with you.
Talk to him about how you are willing to give him space and everything but that you want to carry on seeing him.
Good Luck!! xx
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