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My boyfriend and I keep arguing about his ex, need help!

Tagged as: Dating, Three is a crowd, Troubled relationships<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (8 July 2008) 5 Answers - (Newest, 8 July 2008)
A female United Kingdom age 26-29, anonymous writes:

Hi, I have been with my boyfriend now for 9 months and we have had a series of aarguments, all about the same thing, HIS EX. They were together on and off for 5 years and i feel completely beneath her. At the beggining of our relationship her friends were adding me on Facebook and i was receiving 'prank calls'. She also calls him all the time and texts him constantly asking him if he still thinks about her and that she has sexual dreams about him. He is very secretive about his phone as i have looked at them and become angry about the messages and calls. She tells him that she has no problem with me and that she wants to be my friend but then she does sneaky things to make us argue and it look like my fault and my insecurity. As if all of this wasnt enough she then came to my work with her friend while he was out of town, and i confronted her. She then called him telling him i was nasty and he then had a go at me. I am finding it all too much and i rely find it hard to trust him. She is a model and a dancer and his friends have made comments about the fact that im not. My friends tell me that i am a better person and more mature but i jus feel like anding all of it because he just wont listen to how i feel. Pleae help me!

View related questions: facebook, his ex, text

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A reader, anonymous, writes (8 July 2008):

SOLUTION:BREAK UP WITH HIM.He obviously still has feelins for her and doesn't care about your feelings in this situation.Which is wrong,because you're the one being mis-

treated,and he sees nothing wrong.

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A male reader, ChiRaven United States +, writes (8 July 2008):

ChiRaven agony auntYou're grown up. He's still a child, emotionally. He can't let go of his ex and really devote himself to you, and it really doesn't look like he's going to be able to do that.

Let him go and find yourself a grown up to date. You'll feel ever so much better about the whole thing.

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A female reader, O Connor Ireland +, writes (8 July 2008):

O Connor agony auntsmile, hold your head high and be indifferent with her. dont let wat she does or says bother you again. act as if wat she does and says to him or you doesnt bother you in the least. be nice to her if she is nice to you and come out laughing. it will annoy her to see that your so secure in your relationship that she doesnt pose a threat. she needs to see that.

talk to your boyf in the meantime, calmly and rationally. explain that you are not giving out to him or blaming him, but that you feel uncomfortable with how she is acting towards both of you and its upsetting you. does he still want to be friends with her? has he told her off when she talks to him about sexual things? he needs to realise that while they can still talk, there are boundaries and she has crossed them. because he has not told her off and set them down to her, she cant see that you're really in his picture now not her. she needs to realise this and the only person that can set the record straight for her is your boyf.

email me if you want hun good luck xxx

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A reader, anonymous, writes (8 July 2008):

This is verified as being by the original poster of the question

Lol i was really hoping someone wouldn't say that! lol he has stuck up for me a few times and i don't think im ready to give up. i just don't know how to play this game as im not that kind of girl. If u have any ideas on how to make her annoyed then please let me know coz im starting to hate her! xxxx

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A female reader, Emilysanswers United Kingdom +, writes (8 July 2008):

He's obviously not over her, since he keeps taking her side and letting her get away with things. If could be that he feels guilty or sorry for her. But he should be on your side at the end of the day.

Tell him that wehn he's ready to give up on her and concentrate on you then he should give you a ring. Leave him and find someone who doesn't come with so much baggage.

Good Luck!! xx

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