A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I'm a new mother of a 6 week old. She's wonderful, but exhausting. I'm breastfeeding so she's on the breast all the time. She's not much of a sleeper, day or night, so I don't sleep much. She's very needy of me, mostly because she's hungry, so to get anything done, I put her in a sling or baby bjorn, then on the breast. I adore her, but I'm feeling drained and lonely. My husband has been working a lot. When he's home, he spends time with her so I can shower, nap or cook (and sometimes work - which I do freelance at home.) We spend little couple time together. He sleeps on the couch, instead of our room, since I'm feeding and changing diapers multiple times during the night. On the weekends, he sometimes works, or goes off and exercises, or spends time with guy friends, while I'm stuck at home with her. Sometimes, I try to get out, but it becomes such a hassle between the constant feedings and diapers. It's just easier being home with everything set-up.When she was first born, friends and family came to visit, but now they don't. Besides being with my newborn 24/7, I find myself alone most of the time. It would be one thing if she slept; at least I could take up a hobby at home, but she's eating more than sleeping, so she's constantly in my arms.I love spending time with my daughter. However, I miss having a social life, or even "me" time. She doesn't take well to bottles, so I have to be there for her since no one else can feed her. I wish I could even exercise, but I had a c-section, so I have to wait another 6 weeks before exercising. I'm going stir crazy. I need a break and can't get one beyond a shower. I miss quality time with my husband, or even friends. What can I do to remedy this?
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female
reader, largentsgirl89 +, writes (26 August 2013):
 Congratulations on becoming a mother, there is no greater feeling in the world. I have two children. A son and a daughter. My son was a breeze. He woke up, ate and went back to sleep and then he started sleeping through the night at about two months old. Amazing.
My daughter was a lot like your daughter. Always up, sleeping in intervals and I coudln't even take a shower because she would scream. My husband started taking over when he got home from work. Feeding, changing and putting her to sleep, even bath time and he let me get sleep and make a run to the store for a little while just to get out of the house.
I understand that your bf works, but being a mom is a full time job too and since he is daddy, he should take part in that too. Not only is he her father, he is also your partner, it is completely unfair of him to expect to get to go out with his guy friends when you both just had a daughter and you've been spending ALL of your time with her at home. Ridiculous, I would be very upset about that. He is her parent also and this is his time to bond with her. How would he feel if you left him with your daughter while you went and have a girls night away from the house? Or stay at a hotel one weekend so you can get some much deserved sleep while he takes care of your daughter.
If your partner doesn't help you with your daughter and with all of the things that entails, it'll start building resentment. so tell him you're going out for a girls night or instead of him going on a guys night, he is going to watch your daughter while you take a bubble bath and get some sleep.
Do you have any family that could possibly watch her while you nap for a little while? My Aunt came over at one point and let me sleep while she watched my son.
I wish you good luck and I hope everything works out for you.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (25 August 2013): welcome to parenthood! it's hard with a newborn who breastfeeds but there are things you can try-your husband could do diaper changes overnight instead of you to share the workload; you could ask your husband or trusted relative/friend to literally hold baby for an hour regularly every week whilst you have some time to yourself to have a bath/read a book/watch a film/chat to your husband or a friend; you could try out local mother&baby groups (it helps knowing other people are feeling the same as you, and is a good way to meet new supportive friends); and you could consider expressing breast milk into a bottle so that your husband can help with feeding.
It's vital to nuture yourself so you can nuture your baby. Don't be afraid to talk about your needs to your husband. You're entitled to support from him!
Most of all, i wanted to say you're doing a great job of raising your baby! Time with a newborn flies by. Hang on in there, enjoy the good times, know that the demanding times will pass, and ask for support to help you look after yourself so you can look after her.
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A
female
reader, Aunty Babbit  +, writes (25 August 2013):
 I don't know if this will help but my daughter was my second baby and was exactly the same as your little one. I was shattered (I was a midwife at that time and felt I should be coping better).My son had fed like textbook, every 4 hours for 40 minutes and then slept......bliss, but not her.I began to understand why sleep deprivation was used for torture. I felt isolated, alone and desperate.I was advised to give her a bottle of formula just at bedtime or once a day to see if it would help her settle. I really struggled with that because she hadn't been keen on expressed milk from a bottle.Eventually I caved in and gave her formula, and the child slept for 4 hours straight! I felt really guilty about giving her the formula but I so needed some sleep.I started giving her a bottle at bedtime finishing off the feed with the breast. It worked and she went 6 hours overnight. That was amazing for me and became her routine.I weaned her at the usual time and by 6 months she was off the breast for good.She's now 12 and we're amazingly close and she is fabulously healthy and always has been to date.This may not work for you, but I do promise this phase will pass and she will settle down.If you're ever concerned as to her health always get her checked out by a professional.You're doing an amazing job and sound like a fantastic mummy. Hang in there xxxx
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (25 August 2013): First well done for breastfeeding! Thumbs up to you!!I've been breastfeeding for three years. The beginning feels like hell with no rest. I found what helped was breastfeeding little one whilst laying down. So you can take a nap if baby does, so you are not sitting up all day and if she does fall a sleep you can gently roll away and get on with any thing you need to do. I also found keep lights on dim helped with night feeds, little one wouldn't be on alert every feed if i didn't turn lights on. Half the time just wanted a drink/change/cuddle and fell back asleep. Also babies like to use us as pacifiers, they like to be close - mummies are addictive for babies which is hardly surprising since they thus far spent their entire lives in constant touch with us. Big surprise to find themselves alone, they don't all know what to do with it or how to handle it hence not wanting to leave mum's side where it is safe and warm.I can understand the fact your husband sleeps in another room if he needs a decent sleep for work but on Friday/Saturday nights i would expect him to take part in the raising of your child even the night feeds. You are a new mum and your baby is super young, you need all the help you can get right now whilst you figure out what the hell you are doing. I'd be mad if my partner was going out on weekends and leaving me to the baby when i've had her all week too. You need some adult time, only natural. He's not there to give you breaks, he's there to parent too. And you are allowed to co-parent, you know, at the same time. Give her a bath together, one dries the other gets the diapers etc. You take the breastfeeding he could tackle the bottom. Just talk to him, tell him how you need him and that its unfair for him to go out whilst you are stuck with baby. Would he like it if you left him with baby all night and every weekend?? He could help you venture outside too, less worry when two of you team up for taking baby on adventure to the shops or to pay the bills etc. That way you have a safety net and gain confidence to do it alone eventually too. Plus its nice doing stuff together as a family.
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