A
male
age
36-40,
*ndy00
writes:Hi,I'm unsure what to do. I've started seeing a girl, and straight away she wants me to change my relationship status on Facebook to "In A Relationship". Now, before you believe that THAT is my problem then please let me continue! Over the course of the summer I dated a girl, and we split up only a couple of weeks ago because we both had commitments at our universities (we're about 4 hours apart now that we're both back at university).I know that if I change my status, then the girl I saw over the summer will read it, and probably feel upset as we became very close over the summer break. So I'm hesitating, but the girl I'm seeing now thinks that I'm considering my ex more than I'm considering her! I have no problem showing people that I'm in a relationship with her, she makes me happy, but I don't want to upset my ex either. It feels like a lose-lose situation.Please advise me!
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facebook, my ex, split up, university Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, pinktopaz  +, writes (1 October 2009):
Dude, it's Facebook! I sometimes cannot believe the controversy and drama that this stupid site creates. She's your ex, who cares what she and her dumb friends think? I don't think you owe her an apology for moving on with your life. If they are going to be childish and so upset over that, like I said before there is a delete button. We choose to have people in our lives, I'm a huge believer in that; therefore, if they are making our lives even more difficult than they already are, you can always get rid of them. Being that she's your EX, she's not a part of your life like before, and she shouldn't have any control over your future relationships because she is not your girlfriend. Of course there's going to be resentment if you moved on quickly, but that's your deal and your life and she'll just have to get over it.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (1 October 2009): andy i responded to you on the 28th, i also asked whether you have a habit of moving on so soon. i think your ex invested in your relationship much more than you did. therefore you moved on so quickly. you cannot blame her for thinking that she meant nothing to you. seems like you have hurt this girl tremendously and she has reason to be hurt. i personally think you owe your ex gf an apology. you should have also told her beforehand that you have moved on from her, and it was very unkind that she had to find out on facebook. just my opinion- use it ,don't use it. to each his/her own.
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A
male
reader, Andy00 +, writes (1 October 2009):
Andy00 is verified as being by the original poster of the question Well, I changed my status, and now all the friends of my ex-girlfriend are angry with me and saying I'm an inconsiderate pig.
My ex hasn't spoken to me for a few days. I haven't been persistent in contacting her, but there were messages she could have replied to. I've read what her and her friends have been saying about it. My ex has said to her friends "I'm not particularly bothered about it. What we had just seems a little less valued now which is a shame". It's so frustrating! I really enjoyed my time with her, but it had to end, and now I'm being crucified for it! I hate how all of their opinions of me has changed so much. It's upsetting me. I never wanted to hurt anyone, and I certainly don't want to be hated simply because I'm trying to move on from her. How do I cope with the abuse I'm receiving?
What should I do? Should I do ANYTHING? Do I message her and apologize? Please, please help me again!
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A
male
reader, Andy00 +, writes (29 September 2009):
Andy00 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionIt seems the vast majority of you are suggesting that the right thing for me to do would be to change my status. I've changed it now, and it feels good... there's still an element of fear that my ex will be upset, but I have to focus more on making my new girlfriend happy
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A
male
reader, Andy00 +, writes (29 September 2009):
Andy00 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionIt seems the vast majority of you are suggesting that the right thing for me to do would be to change my status. I've changed it now, and it feels good... there's still an element of fear that my ex will be upset, but I have to focus more on making my new girlfriend happy
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (28 September 2009): you still have feelings for your ex, therefore you do not want to hurt her. maybe she will think that you moved on too soon after her and that you are a player. its admirable that you want to avoid the ex hurting but who are you trying to fool.
do you make a habit of moving on so soon. how committed are you to the new gf.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (28 September 2009): Remove all the information about your relationship status so that noone can see
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A
female
reader, pinktopaz +, writes (28 September 2009):
Yes, you are considering your ex more than your new girlfriend. If you were over your ex, then you wouldn't worry about hurting her feelings. Your ex will just have to get over it. You're worrying too much about making everyone happy--make the person that's there and important in your life happy. Guaranteed if your ex was in a new relationship she would change her status regardless of what you thought. Another option, delete your ex and then she won't even have to see it :)
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A
male
reader, CaringGuy +, writes (28 September 2009):
You're ex is just that. An EX! So that's sorted. It's not about hurting her, it's about realizing that she is the past. So forget that for a start. As for your new girlfriend, explain to her that your relationship has only just started, and that you'd like to get to know her more before you change your status. Reassure her that you are interested in her, but that a relationship takes more time to start than a few weeks. But forget about that ex, she's the past and that's it.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (28 September 2009): honestly sweetheart..i know how your girlfriend is feeling. I have been in this position before. First, you need to talk to your ex and tell her that you are not trying to upset her in anyway but you found a girl closer to you and you really enjoy being with her. If your ex is such a good friend then she will understand. She may be upset at first but in time she will come around. You are making your new girlfriend feel like she is on the back burner and she doesn't deserve that. If she makes you happy then that is all that counts... Just change your relationship status and if your ex has a problem with it..she will have to get over it...
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (28 September 2009): the girl's your ex. this new girl is your girlfriend. if the ex gets upset, let her... she's not your gf anymore and you are seeing someone else now... change your status and make your girl happy :).
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A
male
reader, CaringGuy +, writes (28 September 2009):
You're ex is just that. An EX!
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