A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Hi everyone,I've slept with 3 men in my life. My current partner is 30 next month. I'm 22 years old and have always had a very active and healthy sex life. The problem is, I've never been able to orgasm through penetrative sex. I've tried all different things. Different positions, different techniques and even tried myself with a vibrator but nothing seems to work. I've studied it online and read books but its just something I don't seem to be able to manage. Oral sex works for me everytime. That's the only orgasm I've ever known. The problem is though, is that I've felt so bad for keeping quiet in the past during sex with exes that I've faked more than one orgasm during penetrative sex with my current partner. He is such a fantastic lover. We do so many different things and he's really attentive and always wants to make sure I am enjoying it. I am more than sure that if he was with any other woman she would enjoy it fully but I just can't. I don't want to tell him now, after more than a year together, that I have never had a real orgasm because his self-esteem might hit an all time low. He's not very well at the minute and he's struggled to get erections for the last few months and he's seeing a doctor for it. I think telling him this also may just finish him off. What should I do? We are seriously talking about planning a wedding now for June 2013 and I cannot see myself with anyone else for the rest of my life. He is my everything and I couldn't wish for a more perfect father for my future children. I don't want to hurt him by telling him this because I really can't think of any other positions or any other techniques we could try that would solve this. Help me please!
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (21 September 2011): You shouldn't consider vaginal orgasms to be the only "real orgasms" as you call them. The mojority of women do not have orgasms from penetration. THere has to be some manual stimulation of the clitoris, either from a finger, a tongue or from the man's pubic mound pushing into hers during penetration. In fact, I don't think I've ever given a woman an orgasm just from it sliding in and out. I wouldn't expect to. I kinda know I'm going to have to go down on her, rub her clit or grind against her clit during sex to get the job done.My GF now only cums from oral and fingering. She can't even cum from a vibe because she likes the real thing too much. It is an accepted aprt of our sex life, and she has never had an orgasm with another man, according to what she tells me.I wouldnt worry or put so much emphasis on it. if you cum from other means, explore those acts more. Make them fun.
A
female
reader, KittieS +, writes (19 September 2011):
 I'm fast approaching 34 and my current boyfriend is the first man to make me reach orgasam through penetrative sex.Lovely, it's rare for a lady to reach the big-O through penetrative sex alone, to be fair when it happened with my boyfriend I was shocked!!! It doesn't always happen though - which is when I have the feeling I should pretend - he's so intent on pleasing me, where actually that's not so important to me. I don't pretend as that would not be good - I.e they keep repeating what they thought brought you to the big-O and it doesn't work for you.Your a young lady, I never reached the big-O until my mid twenties after a lot of personal experimentation.Just relax enjoy being with your boyfriend, try a discreet vibrator get him to use it in you, try different positions - and if he orally brings you to orgasam then go with it - to be honest you have nothing to worry about and I am a little jealous!!!
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A
female
reader, auntyR +, writes (19 September 2011):
not many women can orgasm through penetrative sex. Sometimes i find i get to the tip of orgasm but it just does not happen. But i actually love the feeling you get anyway before having an orgasm. So why worry about getting the big O? Sex shouldn't be just about reaching a goal of you both cumming.
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A
female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (19 September 2011):
 "I am more than sure that if he was with any other woman she would enjoy it fully but I just can't. "
Huh? So you think you aren't enjoying the sex? Or are you? It's simple as that, if YOU enjoy the sex and feel great about it, the who the heck cares if other women have orgasms by just looking at a man? Who cares? Your boyfriend for sure doesn't care if he can make OTHER women orgasm, he only cares about you. And this is about YOUR pleasure, not your boyfriends. His pleasure is not dependent on how many orgasms you achieve through penetrative sex.
So take this down to the level where it belongs: this is about YOU. No one else. Not other women, not your boyfriend, but you. If you are okay with your sex life and enjoy it, then there is NO problem. Stop putting so much pressure on yourself.
You wrote you never had a real orgasm. Excuse me then, but what do you call the orgasms you achieve when he goes down on you? They are real, aren't they?
Stop faking it, tell your boyfriend you just aren't built for orgasms through penetrative sex, and that because of insecurities you kept shut about it. But be upfront from now on and accept who you are and allow yourself to enjoy the sex WITHOUT having to pretend or fake things. Enjoy is just as much as you DO enjoy it, without faking it.
I don't think you're hurting him as much as you are hurting yourself. Accept who you are. There's nothing wrong with that. Plenty of women NEVER come during penetrative sex, and you should already know that since you've been reading up about it. You are who you are! Embrace it and have great sex without adding pressure on yourself.
It doesn't bother a man that a woman can not come from penetration. It doesn't bother men if he can't make a woman achieve orgasms from oral sex either. A loving partner wants you to feel good, and a loving partner knows that feeling good does not equal having an orgasm. However, he might be hurt that you've lied to him... But you have your reasons. Explain them to him, talk about your insecurities, give it time, and he will understand.
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A
male
reader, landomando  +, writes (19 September 2011):
My girlfriend and I had the same problem and she told me about it. I was actually in shock and it made me go online research and do all sorts of stuff just to get figure out how to giver her an orgasm. I actually really liked how she was comfortable with me to share that. I didnt hurt my self-esteem at all just motivated me to do better I guess. But if he is having problems like you say I really dont think bringing that up right now is a good idea. Just form a guys perspective If i were having trouble getting it up and had to see a doctor and my GF just told me I havent got her to orgasm at all I think I would be really hurt. I would wait.... a way I got her to have her first orgasm the first time I tried it. I put on some really calm relaxing music. I gave her a full body massage for an hour with oil. She loved it and you can tell it worked.. I dont know if he is into that but I was on a mission. and would do anything! Now I have to work for it ;)hahaha
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A
female
reader, DanceInTheDark  +, writes (19 September 2011):
 Most women cannot orgasm through penetrative sex, that is a fact.You're not a freak. You're perfectly normal. You can come from oral, because that stimulates your clit, which most women get their orgasms from. That's a "Real Orgasm"Have you tried rubbing your clit during sex? I've done that, and gotten really powerful orgasms that way. There is a very good chance, that any other women would feel the same way. Just because you can't orgasm from it, doesn't mean you aren't enjoying it. I love penetrative sex, it's my favorite thing to do, it feels the best to me, but I can't orgasm from it. I just can't. Most women aren't built that way. You really need to come clean with your boyfriend. Tell him that the sex is great, but you can't orgasm from it, and that you felt insecure and different, and that's why you did it. You might also want to throw in that he makes you come during oral EVERYTIME, and for most women that's where it's all at.
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A
male
reader, Daniel the love doctor +, writes (19 September 2011):
 I'm sorry that you feel helpless in this situation. But it's not uncommon for some women to not achieve an orgasm through penetrative sex. You may want to try rubbing on your clitoris for extra stimulation.
And if you're not going to tell your partner about it (even though I highly recommend doing so- because honesty and communication is important in every part of a relationship), you may want to let him know how much you enjoy receiving oral sex from him. Tell him how good he is at doing it- to boost his self-esteem and recommend some tips here: http://www.dearcupid.org/question/guys-what-to-do-if-youre-suffering-from.html to help him with his erectile dysfunction.
I wish you the very best! :^)
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (19 September 2011): I've never had an orgasm through penetrative sex either. I think I've been close, but it feels too much like peeing myself (sorry!) that I don't know how to go the whole way. Maybe it's something you have to learn. I really enjoy it though. If you are able to achieve orgasm through oral sex, fingering etc then just go with that. I know girls who can't orgasm that way either. One of my friends is 24 and has only had one single clitoral orgasm in her life, despite being in a relationship since the age of 18. That orgasm took over an hour to reach. Your boyfriend sounds wonderful and you should continue to support him through this difficult time. Don't tell him that you've been faking it and please don't fake it again. Guys don't fake their orgasms to spare our feelings so why should women? Next time, just let him get you off with oral sex and tell him how fantastic it was.
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