A
female
age
30-35,
*inda55
writes:I've know my bf for 1yr and some months now. I love him dearly and he loves me. We webcam and chat through internet, yet we never psyhicaly met each other in our lives. Yet his in the next state from me.We really want to be together. Is our relationship goin' in the wrong directions because of this?
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (5 July 2010): There is only one way for sure to find out if it 'can survive,' namely meet him.
Consider your options: if you find out it can't survive, well at least you know, yes you lose what you were getting out of the long distance relationship, but you aren't putting effort anymore into something that can't work (are you looking for more in a relationship right now or not?). If things do work out, awesome! It is a risk, like any relationship, and when you are ready, you need to take a deep breath then dive in and find out.
Even face to face relationship have surprises and some getting used to the other person, even after years of marriage; because of the distance there will probably be more of this.
Consider the distance and the direction each of you want to take. The distance does separate you. Is there the possibility that one of you could decide to move to where the other is? Could the relationship move up a step?, or it might be a let down, or a one week stand; either of which could kill things.
A
male
reader, PeterPan +, writes (5 July 2010):
 Long distance relationships aren't impossible, but they are difficult. Since you're interacting via webcam, that's actually better than a strictly email exchange. The thing to be cautious of is building a mental picture of your boyfriend that he's not able to live up to -- over-inflating his attributes. I definitely would recommend trying to arrange some face-time together. A common vacation someplace perhaps -- something in between the two of you? Then, use that event to see if there really is chemistry between you -- that would be the real test.
Hope that helps.
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A
male
reader, Afterglow +, writes (5 July 2010):
 Wow...you really don't expect much from a relationship. Long distance is one thing. To say that you are involved in a real loving relationship for over a YEAR with someone you've never met...whoa!
Here's the deal, the relationship would have to actually have wheels before you start talking about moving in any direction.
You are 18-21 which means that you are legally able to travel without adult supervision. That being the case, the fact that neither of you haven't so much as taken a BUS RIDE one state over to meet someone you "love dearly" and "who loves you" is quite suspect.
It goes back to, " who do you see when you look in the mirror"? Are you someone who only deserves NON PHYSICAL love and affection. Is a web-cam-chat relationship all you feel you are worthy of? Do you not want to have a real physical relationship with someone who you get to learn and know in all entirety-worts and all? On cam and in chats,you are only being exposed to minute dimensions of each others personalities. Hell, you have no clue if you are truly sexually compatible. Seriously, you really need to do some soul searching and discover why this virtual relationship is more comfortable for you than a real-life-in-the-flesh relationship.
On the otherhand, if that's too much work or too painful to look within, then keep doing what you are doing. It shouldn't matter if it works out or not, or the direction you are heading. If you valued yourself to the point where you wouldn't settle for a virtual relationship, these would be non-issues.
At some point, you are going to have to play grown up adult and realize that having a real partner to share you life should NOT depend on making sure you can connect to a server. God forbid you loose your internet service.
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