A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I have been with my lovley boyfriend for around a year and half and we've moved in and everything is almost perfect- however I have never "came" when we have sex. I am really worried this isn't normal. I can come when I am masterbating with a vibrator but apart from that I cant. I am so comfortable with him so thats not the issue but it's annoying that I have to fake it everytime! Please Help! thanks x
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moved in, orgasm, vibrator Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (5 March 2009): Whew, this thread is hot in here. O-hi-o.
Don't worry, look at me, I didn't get my 1st until I was 30! My problem was not relaxing enough. The problem with toys is it's a very High stimulation, and with a real man, it's the combination of love, stroking, massaging, there's more I'm missing, but do you see my point? Can you take a break from the vibrator to see if this works? hope this helps.
A
male
reader, Helpful_In_Ohio  +, writes (5 March 2009):
 Ok well First and foremost Its NOT UNCOMMON that you have this dilemma ( not a problem ). I just got out of a 4 year relationship with my x that could rarely cum without dual stimulation or total Clitoral stimulation. Its not a bad thing. 1) Is this Lover Boyfriend of your s apossed to stimulating you more before you have Intercorse ? 2) How hot does he make you before you get into the meat and potatoes of SEX ? 3) have you ever asked him to stimulate your clit while he is inside you ? ( You can tell him how hot you think it is and how its one of your fantasies to have you or him Stimulating your clit manually or with a vibe to enhance the pleasure exprience ) ? 4) Does he eat you before you have sex ? Foreplay was a major factor in mine and my fiances Sexual lives. If he is a good lover has he not noticed that you have not had an orgasm ? have you talked with it about him ? You can tell him you have cum in multiples small but you want that big one and you want it with him and only him. Stroke his ego a lil bit to get what you need and want. We as guys love a lil ego stroke. Invite him to play with your clit with a vibrator or a toy have him watch while you get yourself off and tell him you would like for him to do what your doing. tell him watch carefully and then have him replay it for you as he does it and be easy on him and never rush It if he is doing it right tell him if he is not then move him to where he is. Most guys wanna be able to pat themselves on the back for doing something to a woman that no ones else has ever achieved and well if it helps you out then kudos for you and he will be happy with the out cumm ( No punn Intended ) as happy as you will be with the outcome . Hope this helps Helpful In Ohio
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A
female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (5 March 2009):
 You're normal. Most women do NOT reach orgasm with vaginal penetration alone. It's not him, it's not you, it's how the anatomy works. Twenty five percent of women do reach orgasm through sexual intercourse. Are there ways to get there? Yes, if you stimulate the clitoris during intercourse.
Perhaps a useful analogy for you is this: think of your clitoris as being equivalent to his penis. If his penis doesn't get stimulated, will he reach orgasm? Unlikely. Same for you.
So you've got a problem in that you've been faking it with him, and you do need to come clean with him. But recognize that it's not his fault--it's not his lack of size or prowess or anything like that. It's that you think there's something wrong with you. There isn't. Read this article (which is targeted at virgins but has some good info for you): http://www.dearcupid.org/question/thinking-about-losing-your-virginity.html
Now, you're going to have to discuss this with him, and he will likely take it as a blow to his ego, so you have to be very gentle in how you do this. I have some links for him to read to help him understand what the myths surrounding 'vaginal orgasm' vs. 'clitoral orgasm' are.
http://www.malehealth.co.uk/userpage1.cfm?item_id=153#moresexy
http://men.webmd.com/guide/sex-fact-fiction
Please read these all the way through so that you have a greater understanding of your own sexual response. The good news is that you can reach orgasm. Now what you need to do is show him how that happens. And you can then enjoy finding new ways to explore one another's sexual response!
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