A
female
age
51-59,
*inkie67
writes:my story is long and complicated. I have 5 lovely kids, most grown up now. When i had my fifth child, in 1998, things went down hill. I had carbonmonoxide poisoning when he was born. I had probably been poisoned whilst preganant, as my ex hubby didnt want to pay a corgi fitter to conect the fire, so it wasnt conected to the flu. I was so ill, i nearly died. My mum was doing her best. My baby was constantly crying. I made the mistake in asking for help. My baby was then in and out of foster care, because i was so ill. Things got beeter, i married again, had my little boy back. But my husband turned into a alcoholic bully, who beat me, and raped me, mentally abused me. I became so low, i took a overdose, was in hospital, my two youngest were put into care, as i was getting better, social services said we will gradually bring them back, help you. But because the foster carers were on goin on holiday, they just brought them back, i was still unwell, but getting stronger. To be honest i was terrified of havint them back so soon. there routine was differeht in the months they had been away. I managed quite well on there return. But the next problem arises, my neighbours were all out in the streets drinking, fighting, setting there sheds, cars on fire. My youngest was terrified, he was 3 then. My oldest lad was coursing trouble, police allways ay my door. Being single mum was hard, under the circumstances. But one day, in august, few weeks after there return, i was out with the kids, watching them play, i needed the toilet, neighbours said they would watch my youngest. on my return, he was gone, the panick, i called the police, he was found on the prom, someone in the shop said a blond man had him. To this day i believe someone did take him. as a three year old, with learning difficulties, could not cross to busy main roads. Social services came, said let the little one go into care until the summer term hols are over, the trouble in the street would carm down. I agreed, few days later a court order slapped in front of me. I fought so hard in the courts. In 2005, the final hearing, i had contact with my little boy, but supervises. I got my self together to fight for him, but i lost my case. The social dervices dug up everything, from my childhood, because my dad had been violen that was bought up. they really digged the dirt, infact it made me look terrible. My other kids remained with me, but not my little one. he was placed with a 63 year old lady, in a village. The judge told social services, this was to remain his permanant home, but i could try 2 years later for him. the old lady couldnt cope with my boy, after 18 months, she said she was to old. I was still trying to get him back, i was refused leagal aid. Then he was placed with another family, and also in respite oncea month. I had contact 4 times a year, supervised, i was so angry, i had seen alcoholics win cases, have unsupervised contact. i won more contact, still supervised, if i hugged my boy, i was over powering, if i didnt, i didnt love him, i couldnt win, my little boy constantly asking me, can he come home. My other kids got upset on the visits, when we had to say goodbye. My little boys social workers were horrible, the sesional worker supervising watced our every move. We couldnt breathe. Last year his social worker said to me, your little boy only wants you when you bring gifts. Iv made the decision to stop contact last year, until he is 16, im heartbroken, I miss him every second, iv moved away, new start, but my heart is aching so bad for my little boy, hw will be 11 this year, will he ever contact me, forgive me. I feel i was punished for being ill. My kids were well fed, a lovely clean house, they were never hurt, but social services said they suffered metal abuse, if that was the case, why was only one taken from me, why not all. when we have kids, they are not born with a manuel, we all make mistakes, parenting is a learning curb. But we manage. But i feel today social services should concentrate on the real cases, which pop up on the news. Real abuse. Iv witnessed so many kids in my old town, in desperate need of socialservices, but nothing happens. But my kid was taken of me cause i was ill, i needed practical help, thats all. . 12345 -- Rate this answer
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (5 March 2009): If I were a social service worker would I allow a young kid of 11 to stay in such an environment?.Dump the guy.Call the police.Call a Psychiatrist.You need to be counseled asap.Let your youngest kid stay where ever he is.You can meet your kid once you have undergone therapy.http://www.dearcupid.org/question/i-know-he-needs-helphes-got-real-issues.html
A
female
reader, wonderingcat +, writes (5 March 2009):
 My heart goes out to you.
Sometimes, the public or legal system failed us. For various reasons, such as the relevant appropriate or relevant government insitutiions being underfunded, hence the people assigned to your case were overworked or untrained and resulting in papers missing. Or in your case, mis-analysis resulting in misappropriation of judgement/court decision.
But, since at this stage there is nothing you can do about it, allow me to applaud you on the bigness of heart. You made a huge sacrifice by leaving your violent neighborhood and most of all, taking yourself away from your youngest child so that he will not be heart broken every time he had to say goodbye to you and his siblings.
The only practical advice I can think of right now, is
(a) Start writing a diary or a journal, in a hard copy (book) or in a computer (blog, or face book). Ask your other two children to write too, either in your book (as a family) or they do have their own (this way, they can still keep it "confidential" from you). Write anything in it, even the mundane things, like, how you cut yourself with a kitchen knife, because your mind was on something else (your son), or that the night before, your children's pet gold fish died.
(b) If you have time, take a few night classes on skills that you can use to improve your quality of life, or to get a better job if necessary. This is a good way to show everyone that you are doing your best for yourself and your children. Certificates from these night classes will also be evidence to the social services people that you are doing well and strife to do better.
(c) Continue to seek advice from legal aid organizations. Do not be discouraged when one rejects you. Find another one. But, get all the papers and documents all in a file to back up your story. Have them in chronological order. Hospital charts, doctors' notes and copies of medication subscriptions if you have them, divorce papers, letters of appeals, etc etc etc. The more documents pertaining your child's case (and your health conditions) you have, the better. Make 2 copies of this compilation, just in case you need a back up. Use the copies only when you go to these organizations, in case they want you to leave it with them so they can study it for a few days.
That done, then:
When the time comes to see your youngest child again, you can give him your diary/journal. He may resent you when he first see you again, because he may feel that you abandoned him. But, if he read your diary/journal/facebook/blog, he will understand why you did what you had to do.
If and when he feels ready to "forgive" you after he has read all that you wrote, he will come to you again as he will feel that even though he was not with you physically, he is still part of your family in your hearts.
If he decided that he did not want to be part of your family, for one reason or another, please give him time. A 16 yo in a good loving family may have problems as a teenager, let alone a 16 yo who had to live through several foster homes. Give him time, but let him know that whatever he decides, he is still loved by you and your other children.
As for the legal aid or civil aid organizations, if after a persistent (and justifiably correct), you still cannot get any help, you need to stop. Particularly if it drains you emotionally, physically, and financially. Remember, you still have two other children that you are looking after.
On the other hand, if your blog or face book entries, if written clearly or properly, and for some reasons or another it gets read by other people who sympathize with you, they too might be able to offer you help. Hopefully, in the legal department kind of help. To rectify the situation if necessary.
I wish you all the best in this long road of recovery. If you are religious, a prayer has healing powers that is beyond belief. But even if you are not religious, I hope you can also think positive thoughts every night before you go to bed and when you wake up in the morning. It will give you strength also.
I am sorry this response is a bit long, but I just want you to know that there are people who care about you. Me included.
All the best to you.
Cat
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (5 March 2009): my heart goes to you, the bond between a mother and child is the most amazing thing, you must have an empty space in ur heart, i cant advise anything other than to look forward to having your chance to explain things when he is old enough, take some comfort that he is being well looked after, gaining an education etc always remember though on the dark days, a child will never forget his real mother, im sure he always thinks about you. Take care xxx Hope you have great years ahead with him xxx
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