A
female
age
36-40,
*jbalb
writes:Hello, out there. I am a 26 year old female. I have never had an orgasm, either clitorally, or vaginally. I have tried on my own for years, and with my husband, but I just can't do it. Has anyone else had this problem, and does anyone have any suggestions on how I can finally cum?
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female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (18 November 2011):
 You said you don't put pressure on you coming "every time" so the question now is: do you ever orgasm at all? Are there some orgasms here and there (if so accept it for what it is, we don't all come by pushing some buttons, some times it just ain't gonna happen), or do you never ever come at all and have never ever experienced an orgasm?
Tantric sex. Get yourself signed up for a class. That's about the last card left in my desk. Breathing exercises helped me to some small degree. But my problem for most part is trusting my partner enough to be able to relax enough around him. Find out your reasons for not getting there and address those.
A
male
reader, Hugh.J  +, writes (18 November 2011):
 It sounds like you have tried everything, OP.
I have just one recommendation: try the website "Clitoral". It is by women, for women and deals with all things sexual to do with women.
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A
female
reader, person12345 +, writes (18 November 2011):
 If you've really given it a shot and nothing works you should go see a doctor. They can direct you to the appropriate specialists and there are some medications you can try. In states where it's legal marijuana is also sometimes prescribed for different types of sexual problems in women. I've never tried it but from what I hear it's kind of an orgasm miracle for a lot of women. I'm sorry our answers aren't helpful, but you sound like you've already tried everything short of visiting a doctor.
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A
female
reader, mjbalb +, writes (17 November 2011):
mjbalb is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI have often used vibrators (both penetrative and clitoral only, and a combo of the two), to no avail. I have watched porn, read erotic literature, and been extremely turned on by both.I am also what I guess would be described as bicurious. I have been with several women, but I would not like to ever be in a relationship with another woman. Just not my cup of tea, in that specific arena.I do not have any history of sexual, emotional, or physical abuse. I also try not to put pressure on myself, or my husband, to achieve an orgasm every time, as I feel it would just stress us both out and take away from the experience. There is one other thing I want to be quite clear on: I love sex. I love foreplay. I love the emotional aspect and fulfillment I get from it. I just wish I was able to cum. I also have to be honest, I'm not finding many of the answers from men to be of much help. Are there any women who have gone through this and can offer more advice than to read a book? I've already read several on the topic, and none seemed to tell me anything I didn't already know. I am very in touch with my body and emotions, so being told to "getting in touch with myself" is not going to help me one little bit. I would really like some real-world advice, from real-world women who have gone through this and come out the other side. I guess I should have clarified all of this in the original question.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (17 November 2011): Read "Becoming Orgasmic" as an earlier poster recommended. It is a good book.However, to put it bluntly, if you are not being open and honest with your partner(s), and with yourself, you will not achieve the level of relaxation that you need to achieve orgasm easily. Any type of abuse history, rape, neglect by parents, negative self esteem issues, body image issues, etc, etc, etc, or denial of sexual orientation, or hangups about sexual orientation, cripples the ability to have orgasms alone or with a partner of any skill level. So, if you are hiding a bunch of stuff, or denying to yourself that you have been abused when your personal history told to a doctor/therapist would cause them to say "that's abuse", then that is the place to start.
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A
male
reader, TrancedRhythmEar  +, writes (17 November 2011):
 This sounds psychological. Any rape experiences? (God forbid).. or history of abuse? Youre possibly making it a goal to orgasm and then putting pressure on yourself to do it. Ive had some experiences with that and I hate it cause the women were so hot. Ive tried relaxing a bit, having no emotional ties with the person, and Im alrite. Talk to a doctor, maybe its a medical concern? You take care doll.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (17 November 2011): The book "Becoming orgasmic" is the usual reference.The technique described is increasingly sexual self-exploration as a may of working down the mental barriers. The book is quite good at not adding additional pressure, which is important.My gf found that it worked well. Over the years she moved from "freezing in the headlights" to having orgasms during penetrative sex.As a partner I found the process both fascinating and deeply loving and her journey made us have a much stronger understanding of each others sexuality then we would have otherwise had.
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A
female
reader, chigirl +, writes (17 November 2011):
Have you ever used a toy? A vibrator? The shower (water pressure works like magic)? Do you have sexual fantasies that turn you on, that you think of when you try to orgasm? So much of the female orgasm comes from your mentality, if you are thinking sexual thoughts or not. No matter the stimulation, if you aren't "in the mood" and thinking of things that really REALLY turn you on, it wont work.
Do you watch porn of any sorts, read erotic literature for example? Those things can help put you in the mood.
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A
female
reader, person12345 +, writes (17 November 2011):
If you've tried on your own and you've tried on your own with lube (and lots of it), you should get a vibrator. Read Amazon reviews, they can help guide you.
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A
male
reader, RAINORFIRE +, writes (17 November 2011):
 Maybe you cant some women cant. I think maybe you should try to just enjoy what you can of the sex with out putting the pressure of trying to have an orgasm.. but at any rate im sure theres some books and videos on it that my help.. ive never had a problem getting a woman to have one.
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