A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Is there something wrong with me? I'm 19 (going on 20) years old and have never been kissing, asked out on a date, or anything by a guy. The most attention I've ever got from a guy is from a far (i.e. them just staring at me), but them NEVER seen to come up to me and talk to me. I THINK I'm good looking (was a model as a child), I'm outgoing, smart, well mannered, and have even had random people walk up to me and tell me I'm pretty.I'm very out going but sadly lived a very sheltered life as a child (I was homeschooled, didn't have ANY friends until I was 18, and the only people I was around were people that were a lot older them me), as a result of that I have almost no idea how to "be" around people my own age. The only person around my age I can be around is my best/only friend who is a year younger then myself. I come from a large family (I'm the 3rd oldest of 8 kids) so I spend most of my "childhood" helping raise/watch my younger sibings. My younger sibings are still pretty young therefore I've had to become the main caretaker of them when both my parents work. Because of THIS I have not started college.I'd like to think when I do start college (this semester) I'll know how to be around people my own age or that a guy will like me but I'm not so sure. I've always felt like I wasn't worth it. Since I was a little girl I always thought I'd be alone. I just never thought a guy would want me or my problems (my parents marriage is the worst and since I was about 11 years old they've HATED eachother). When little girls were thinking of their wedding day, I always pictured myself alone when I was an adult. I just could never picture someone in my life, is that odd? I have a 16 year old brother who has had 2 girlfriends and its just kinda tough to see my YOUNGER brother experience something like that before me. Don't get me wrong, I'm happy for my brother, got no problem with him having a girlfriend, but its hard to see him have something you'd think I'd have before him. There are just somethings older siblings can do/should do before younger siblings. Such as being able to drive or drink first. Those type of things.Family has even taken note that I've never had something. My grandmother and aunts (who I'm not close to nor have I seen in years) are always asking me if I have a boyfriend or WHY I have never had a boyfriend. My grandmother even said to my mother "don't you think its odd your daughters are the age they are and have never been in a relationship? Whats wrong with them?" My sis just turned 21 and also has never had a boyfriend. It kinda sucks when people start asking this type of stuff.I'm scared there is not someone out there who would want to deal with my lack of knowledge of being in a relationship. I hate that things most young teenagers experience (first kiss, first date, first relationship) I've NEVER had. It sucks when kids have experienced these things and here I am, an adult and haven't had those things. Its embarrassing when people ask "so what was your last relationship like?" And my reply is "there never has been one."How do I deal with this? Is there something wrong with me?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (20 July 2011): It could be worse, you could be in the exact same situation only at age 26. Like me.
A
male
reader, Drew21  +, writes (20 July 2011):
 Eh, being home-schooled and then being in charge of the kids at home probably limits your social interactions.
I really do think that once you get out to college your whole world will open up socially. Are you leaving home to go to college, or will you still be living at home for it?
I had a friend growing up who was home-schooled throughout primary school (I met him through Boy Scouts.) For years i was the only friend he had. I sometimes feel kind of guilty, in hindsight, cause i wish i would have done a better job helping to prepare him for life in school. When it came time for high school, his parents finally let him attend in the public school system. For the first two years i was at a different school then him. I still spoke to him on weekends, and he implied that he was having a grand time.
However, in Grade 11 I transferred to the same school he was at and discovered that he had NOT had an easy time of it. The guy was always an artist, and he sometimes did some odd things (like he would dress up as Brandon Lee from the movie "THE CROW" and go to school, make-up and all.) This had not made for an easy transition for him. Many of the kids at the school (especially guys) mocked him endlessly and attempted to make his life miserable.
Still, though, his artistic tendencies had appealed to a certain demographic of the female population, and he turned out having first kisses, girlfriends, relationships and sex well before I (the supposedly socially adjusted one!) ever did!
I think you may have a much easier transition if college is your first introduction to a social arena. The kids in college would be much more mature then the high schoolers my buddy had to deal with.
I have to admit that, even though i HAD the social interactions that you claim to have lacked, i also had visions exactly like you did. Girls never seemed to be interested in me, despite my best efforts, so i eventually accepted that i would be alone for the rest of my life. I went about my business and did my thing, and just didn't waste any energy worrying about relationships.
I never had a girlfriend, or a date, or a kiss throughout High School (although looking back now i can see that there actually had been girls interested. I was just too daft to notice.)
When i hit college, suddenly my world was turned upside down. I became a ladies man. I can remember the first time i kissed a girl, in my mind i couldn't believe it was happening. Same thing for sex. I just could NOT believe it was happening. I had always assumed i would die a virgin!
All it took was for me to just be true to myself as a person, and just live my life. It all came together. There are different types of people out there in the world, and as you expand your social circles and get out there into the world, you'll start to find them.
I know right now you probably can't envision it, but believe me when i say you will get out there and develop relationships.
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