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male
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*arkside
writes: I have been having an affair with a married woman for nearly 18 months. I am also married and my wife is away a lot of the time. We were together one evening when she started crying and said she didn't want to go home. Then, the following day she suddenly said she wants to stay with her sick husband although she confesses that she would rather be with me and its only because he is ill she is staying with him. Unfortunately, when we split up, her husband found out and now things are very fragile between them. She still keeps in contact with me though as she wants me to stay as a friend. When we started the affair we did not expect it to get so emotional. Neither of us are youngsters, both being about 50 years old and should know better. I just don't know what to do.
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affair, married woman, split up Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, shania  +, writes (11 November 2005):
 It seems she has made her mind up and that she has decided to stick with her husband.I know that you are hurting but its not a good idea to stay friends with her,it would never work because you would always want more.She cant expect you to hang around and putting your life on hold while she plays happy wife with hubby.I think you should walk away and make no contact with her,hopefully she might start to think she cant live without you and maybe leave her husband.Its a gamble but what have you to lose? At the moment you dont have her anyway.You are not old and you can still meet someone else.If you really dont have any feelings for your wife then maybe it would be best if you separated.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (9 November 2005): Having done this was very foolish I admit and if you still are with your wife and love her less than you loved this girl please.. end it. You are in a relationship that means nothing so end both your misery if thats all it is.
If you are not with your wife start over but don't become foolish again. Get someone you know you'll always love or have a great and forcful idea of a everlasting love.
Apologize to the poor man and tell the girl that its not meant to be and that what you did was stupid and you are not that type of man and realize that now.
- A..............
You may take my advice or not any of the above are usable but I admit I am only 11 and if that changes your mind fine I just like for the people taking my advice to know as I may not have truly expereinced any of the affar problems but I have experienced many relationships.
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A
female
reader, eyeswideopen  +, writes (8 November 2005):
 Just because your wife is away alot of the time (I assume that is due to her job?) that is absolutely no excuse for your having an affair. Sheesh what about the word MARRIED don't you understand? Let that lady to tend her marriage and you re-evaluate your own. Divorce your wife if you can't remain faithful to her. As you said yourself you SHOULD know better.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (8 November 2005): dear darkside,you shouldnt worry about the affair your not young and you admit that but you may not have very long left in this life and if i was in your shoes i would start living life and forget about the affair and go back to your wife.You should buy her her favourite flowers and take her out tell her that you feel like you havent been with her in ages so you ve decided to spoil her.When you see how happy you make her feel you will realise deep down inside of you why you married her and that you couldnt bear it if she was having an affair with someone else.Put yourself in your wifes shoes shes clueless about the affair and thats how you should keep it she loves and you love thats all that matters as long as your ex bit on the side doesnt blab.
hope everything goes for the best
yours hopefully katie
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