A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:So I'm faced with a really huge decision I have to make, and soon. My husband has told me that he wants our marriage to end. I have tried to persuade him to reconsider, get counselling, take a break etc. but he is not budging. The tricky thing is, I am in Canada now being sponsored by him to stay in the country. My work permit etc. should be processed very shortly (I estimate there is only about a month more to wait) and that would allow me to carry on here without him. But, I dont have those documents right now, and he has given me till the end of the month to move out. He has offered to help me in any way I need to set myself up again, and although he is being very supportive, it hurts to still live in the same house as him after he has declared that his feelings have changed.On the other hand, my father has said that he will help me come back home (south africa) and he'll let me stay at his place until I'm on my feet again. But, part of the reason I was so happy to go to Canada was the high standard of living, the healthcare, the infrastructure etc. etc. So, what should I do? Stay in Canada where I have no-one except my husband who I will separate from, but also I get all the benefits of living in Canada? Or should I go home and start again, with a broken heart, less opportunities etc.? I am so afraid of making the wrong decision. I feel like I have messed up pretty badly enough already, and just want to start doing something right!
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male
reader, Danielepew  +, writes (6 May 2009):
 We must not be afraid of mistakes, not only because we will always make more than a few, but also because they help us learn. In your case, you're young and you have a long time to make up for your past mistakes, problems, whatever.
Sorry to be this blunt, but your marriage is over. There's no point trying to save it. Why don't you ask him to keep the marriage, only officially, so you can have your work permit? And then you can think what is best for you. No need to rush things.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (6 May 2009): Ok.. first How long were you married? Since your husband has offered to help you.. I'm sure he knows about the paperwork. What you need to focus on now is you. So tell him what you want... you want to be able to stay in Canada.I would say go home to family and friends but... you are right! there are little or no opportunities in Africa especially for a female. I personally think you seem very intelligent just a little timid.. so with that being said you need to make it known what you would like from your husband.As for your relationship with him... I am assuming this was arranged? Your young, smart, beautiful (inside and out) any fool can see that. You seem very resorceful and only lack the conviction of your efforts.Believe in your self, you are stonger than you think!!You came to a different country to start a new life so now that the beginning did not turn out so well... why not see where your ending might lead you? You know what lies in South Africa, but here you have the opportunity to go where other women in your home country can only dream about. I suggest you grab it with both hands and go for everything you have ever been denied of, dreamed of or dared to dream of.
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