A
male
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I want to ask some relationship advice, because I've only been with one girl, met her last year, she dumped me after two months, some time after we broke up I told her that I have an autism spectrum disorder, she said: if I had known things would've been different, we grew close again, now nearly 4 months togheter. I'm a kind of person that needs to feel he's loved, I need to be reminded that she loves me, I asked her if she could do that for me, since I don't see her all that often these days (she's very busy with studying) I asked her if she could put more "I love you's" in her texts that she sends me, but she replied: I'm not able to put that in texts, you'll just have to trust me.The problem is even when I'm with her among friends, she doesn't even touch me, sits or stand at a distance, barely keeps eye contact at all. I don't feel loved when she acts like that. It's also been a while since we've been intimate, and by that I mean hugging, french kissing, etc. Lately all I've gotten are a few kisses on the mouth when we greet each other and when we part.I don't know what to do anymore, first time around I loved her too much, and for nearly 6 months I felt depressed. Now I feel like I'm loving her too much once again, and I feel like there's an inevitable break-up on the horizon. I have no experience in relationships what so ever. So I haven't got a clue where to go from here. I'm really unhappy with how things are at the moment.
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reader, anonymous, writes (25 October 2010): You are still young and there are many more experiences and relationships waiting out there for you. You deserve to be happy and loved. Ask this girl if she loves you as a boyfriend and if she says yes, then ask her why she does these hurtful things when you're with other people. If she says no or she doesn't know, be strong and move on. You will find someone new over time.
About the I love you texts. If she does say she loves you then you need to accept that. People don't all express love in the same way. It might just seem unatural to her to be texting it all the time. Also, love starts with loving yourself. You need to start doing that. You are an intelligent and thoughtful young man, you are worth loving. Try and work on your self confidence more so that you can love yourself and not depend on others for this reassurance. This is something I have to remind myself of when I am feeling low too.
Have you ever had interpersonal skills training? Perhaps that will help build your confidence too. I have some family & friends with Aespergers and this has helped them with their day to day relationships.
Best of luck & take care.
A
female
reader, Aquarius  +, writes (25 October 2010):
 Anonymous, You sound like a great guy, who deserves to be in a realtionship w/ someone who loves you for who you are and not w/ someone who feels sorry for you. It sounds like your girlfriend is only w/ you out of pity. It is okay to be alone, it gives you time to find out who you are, which in turn allows you to be a more confident mate. You need to find a way to be more confident in yourself. You are not your disability.With that being said, prepare yourself Anonymous the break-up is coming and being comfortable w/ your self will cushion the blow. Yes, it is going to take some time for you to get over the relationship, but it will get easier w/ time. One of the best things that you can do, is get a hobby, find things to occupy your time. You deserve to be happy, life is too short not to be. Know that love will come your way. You will be fine. You are not the only person who has experienced a situation like this, believe me. Hope this helps. Take Care.
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