A
female
age
36-40,
*hnooges123
writes:I have been with my boyfriend for almost 9 months and I love him to death but I feel very unsure about our relationship. I have been very insacure since I've met him. I have had alot going on in my life and have told him I need the support from him and he's not wiling to give it. I want to feel loved by him and I don't. He is very busy, he owns his own company and has to be there alot and when he gets home he's tired and wants to relax, which is fine but I want some kind of companionship from him. I feel that he still loves the mother of his son even though there not together. Everytime I mention something about her he sticks up for her. He has NO problem running me down but wont say anything to or about her. I need help. I don't know what to do. Everytime he gets mad he tells me to leave and of course I don't want to bc I love him but I can't be in a unhealthy relationship.. Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (27 March 2008): What comes accross to me with this situation is that I feel your not ready to be involved with a man like this.
It feels like you are jealous of his ex, and are looking for reassurance from him.
Your relationship is very new in the scheme of things, and he has a past with obligations, a child and a connection with this women, who is important to him and his child. For you, a new girlfriend, to have any opinion about the mother of his child, without his permission, is childish and lacks the maturity required to be in this type of relationship. The thing is - he has a child, ex and business to run. Understanding this, you need to consider where you are on his priority list. I know this sounds harsh, but it is the reality. You may well, not be at the top of his list and if that is not good enough for you, then you can make your own choices. If you push him to have to put you into his major plan or considerations, you may well push him away. He sounds like he has enough on his plate without needing to have your insecurities added.
It is alway hard to be involved with someone who has a child. It takes an enourmous amount of maturity, patience and understanding on your part. You need to have the ability to take second place or third. It is just how it is. So these are the situations you will continue to be in, if you want to continue the relationship, you need to find ways you can handle it. This is not to suggest he can be totally unreasonable, but equally, when you picked him, he came with baggage and responsibilities.
A
female
reader, CharmmyKitty +, writes (27 March 2008):
 I know exactly what you mean. I was in a relationship with a guy like that for over a year. It was nice at first, but after a while I felt constantly anxious because he wouldn't treat me like he cared. And the sadest thing is that I couldn't even bring myself to break up with him. I kept thinking that if I tried harder, and just acted the way I thought he wanted me to act that things would get better. But he broke up with me, and it took a few months, but I realized how unhealthy and unsatisfying the whole thing was.
You deserve to feel safe, appreciated and loved in a relationship. And if he's not able or willing to give you that, maybe it's time to move on. Especially if you've brought your feelings to his attention, and he just doesn't care. Even if you truly love him, you can't make him love you.
It's really hard at first, but after taking yourself out of the situation for a while, you'd be surprised how clear things can become.
Best of luck
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