A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Dear allAll of my life I have struggled with self-acceptance issues. I tried hard to work on my self-esteem and confidence. I'm pretty confident at the current time but the thing is every time anyone approaches me in an intimate way I find myself pulling away. I tend to fall for guys that show no romantic interest, the last guy I have been with is an engaged fellow that we see each other on occasions for sex.I don't know why I'm posting but I guess I want comforting words because I feel things are going way above my capability of handling. I lost hope in all males and I am heterosexual, but I can't stand men anymore.
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male
reader, BrownWolf +, writes (13 January 2017):
 "I tend to fall for guys that show no romantic interest"
You cannot stand men anymore, or you cannot stand yourself for making foolish choices when it comes to men? Which is it?
It is okay to think you never want to be with men anymore, after you were hurt by one. Men do the same thing when hurt by a woman.
When you are pulling away from a man...why? Because you do not want to get hurt again, or too shy to speak to a guy?
Resetting your compass is good. But first, you must know where you want to go. Or in your case, what kind of men you want in your life.
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (12 January 2017): Words of encouragement are needed and will help you a litte, but I suspect there is something more to this situation then you have told. What strikes me the most is your final statement- 'I can't stand men anymore.'Has something happened in your past that you haven't told us about (you don't have to tell us!). It sounds to me like you have been mistreated on more than one occasion and this is part of your anxiety issues. Forgive me if that's not the case.But, to have such a negative attitude of men in this way yet be the other lady in an affair isn't a good situation to be in- with such a conflict of conscience, I'm not surprised you are feeling like things are getting out of hand. That's not my way of saying it's your fault, but there are things you can do to help yourself.If you've never had professional help, you should seek it straight away. And if you're in a relationship where you are not the only woman, change that too. There are plenty of good men out there, they're just not the loud, confident ones that you meet all the time!
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A
female
reader, Youcannotbeserious  +, writes (12 January 2017):
 First of all, have a big HUG.
I suspect you need to identify what it is about intimacy that scares you. Is it the thought of commitment? Is it the thought of being with the wrong person? Is it the thought of someone in "your space"? Is it because you don't feel anyone could find you attractive? Only you can identify what the real issue is here. Once you have done that, you can start to work on it.
And darling, drop the engaged guy. Having occasional sex with him will be doing your self-esteem absolutely no good whatsoever. On the other hand, telling him "I don't think this is a good idea any more" definitely WILL boost your self-esteem.
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A
female
reader, [?]BitterSweetFinale;[?]  +, writes (12 January 2017):
![[?]BitterSweetFinale;[?] agony aunt](/avatars/7bb1e9ea-6c2f-43b8-a4f7-0635b7eff08c.png) Now I'm not trying to startle you with what I have gained from what you said, but I feel like you don't give yourself the benefit of the doubt. There's nothing wrong with you at all, it's not a matter of sexuality as it is your issues with trust and acceptance.
Deep breaths okay? :) You got this and you're going to get better. Even a snail moves when it only goes a little bit at a time, it's life. The cycle will repeat but you move forward. Okay? I know you are capable of so much and you just got to go for it sometimes, I cannot stress to you enough about the importance of self-love.
You are a beautiful soul with so much to give to the world. You need to start doing things that you love and enjoy and explore the strengths that you do have. You will in time, I guarantee you will. And even if you need help along the way, so what? Asking for help is a very brave gesture to make.
If you need anything, don't oblige to message me privately. I'm not a licensed counselor but I'm always open for discussion!
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