A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I really like this guy I met online. We have spoken a lot and he's asked to meet me. I am extremely shy and it (has) taken me a while to get comfortable with meeting new people. Sometimes it stops me meeting people because I get so worried about them not accepting me for me.Anyway, recently I've really wanted to meet him. He has social anxiety and feels more comfortable at home. However I feel more comfortable meeting elsewhere. What can I do? I don't want to force him out of what's comfortable for him.
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female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (13 January 2017):
 Always meet in public, never ever go to someones home. Social anxiety or not he should understand that it is dangerous for you to go to a strange house. He should not even ask this from you.
A
female
reader, singinbluebird  +, writes (13 January 2017):
 AS someone with a lot of first date experience, honey, DO NOT MEET AT A STRANGER'S HOME. Everyone is a stranger til you meet them.
Meet at a public place. If you are shy, its okay to say your shy and openly admit you are new to this. Being vulnerable is okay and expected if your human.
2 rules on dating:
1) ALWAYS MEET AT PUBLIC PLACE
1) MEET DURING DAY WITH PEOPLE AROUND
Thats it. You are the girl, your safety is first. If he only wants to meet in his house, cut him lose and run. Men who are interested will take extra step to meet you where you feel comfortable.
With dating my advice is practice practice pratice! Meet many people, practice conversations with friends. I started dating at 21 with no experince, had no real experience talking etc. After hundreds of amazing wonderful first dates, I can say I was a wonderful fun date by 24 years old. Have a ton of fun. Good luck
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (12 January 2017): He could be making his social anxiety up, as an excuse to get you to go to his house. Do not go!! Meet in public and treat him as you would a stranger, be wary. You really don't know what or who he is.
Take care and good luck
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (12 January 2017): You should meet in a public place for your own safety.
If he has social anxiety, maybe he's not emotionally-equipped for online-dating. If he admits to women he meets online he has a social anxiety disorder; I think you might want to take that as a warning. You really don't know the full-extend of his mental-health issues. Alarms would go-off for me.
Your safety is a top priority. You don't place yourself at risk when some guy says he can't come out of his house to meet you. It would be pretty desperate even to consider it.
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A
male
reader, N91 +, writes (12 January 2017):
 Don't go to his house until you've met him a few times and you feel you're comfortable enough.
Even if he's legit and further down the line you do go to his house, tell someone exactly where you are.
From a guys perspective, him asking you to your house immediately isn't a good sign, sounds to me like he's just after sex.
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A
female
reader, Youcannotbeserious +, writes (12 January 2017):
 I am sure I don't need to stress how dangerous it could be for you to go to the home of someone you don't actually know. All you know at present is what he wants you to know. Please do not agree to go to his house.
I would be trying to arrange a very short first date, during daylight hours - say a coffee or something similar. Set a time limit on it - around an hour - so that you both know it is only for a short time. If all goes well, and you get chatting and both feel comfortable, you can always extend it, or make the second date longer. Assuming you both live fairly close to each other, ask him to pick somewhere within his comfort zone.
And remember, he will be as nervous as you, so if you concentrate on putting him at his ease, this will probably go a long way towards making you forget your own fears.
Good luck. I really hope it works out for you.
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A
female
reader, RubyBirtle +, writes (12 January 2017):
Stick to your guns and don't cave into having your first meeting at his home. After all, you're putting yourself out of your comfort zone so why shouldn't he do the same.
Ask him to suggest a public place where he feels relatively comfortable. Unless he's a total recluse with agoraphobia, there should be somewhere that fits the bill. Somewhere near where he lives, works, studies or shops. Okay, the cafe at the station (for example) might not be the most romantic place for a date but it would be a start.
Or you could suggest that you both bring a trusted friend along who can provide moral support.
Good luck
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A
female
reader, Andie's Thoughts +, writes (12 January 2017):
 Always meet in public for dates for the first few months because being alone implies intimacy, even if you don't want to.
Have you video chatted? If not, you need to, to prove he is who he says he is.
Do not meet at his house or get in a car with him - be hopeful, but cautious.
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