A
male
age
36-40,
*lueberry_genocide
writes:Ok, so my fiance has pretty much made me feel as though I'm Satan himself for even considering asking questions like this, but here it goes. We got engaged in February and I really love this girl, I want to marry her (hence the engagement... duh). But I'm only 23 and my list of sexual encounters is pretty short. This really bothers me! I have a lot of pent up sexual desires that I can never fulfill now. I know it shouldn't be that big a deal, like "if you love her you'd make that sacrifice," but it does feel like a big deal. I get panicky thinking about never being with anyone else. It's not about love or finding someone better, it's about getting my kicks before I settle down.But, she's too jealous and possessive to even consider it; we can't even have a conversation about it without her breaking into tears. We're having a threesome with her best friend, but she won't let me actually have sex with the girl. I don't want to break off the engagement, I love her and want us to work out, but I feel that if I don't seek out my desires I'm just going to keep thinking about them through our relationship.How can I make her see things my way??? I've tried almost everything, even tried to slip it in as a sort of recompense for something really horrible she's done to me... but nothing works... What can I do???
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female
reader, jessjess  +, writes (25 August 2009):
 I don't think you love her. Maybe this is just me but I feel that I am completely in love with my boyfriend and to me, having sex with him is about more than 'getting kicks'. It's a special, beautiful expression of our love for eachother. Therefore I wouldn't want to have sex with anyone else I just wouldn't feel attracted to them and it would do nothing for me whatsoever. If you are supposedly MARRYING this girl yet you still feel unfulfilled and want to sleep with other women do her a favour and break off the engagement. She deserves much better than someone who will end up cheating on her and making her feel inadequate. I don't blame her for getting upset and making you feel like Satan or whatever. You don't love her yet you've asked her to marry you. She's probably starting to realise that you're too immature and selfish yet she probably loves you more than you love her. As for the emotional blackmailing....sorry but I felt quite sick reading this post. I wish I could give her a big hug. You need to think things through big time before you ruin peoples' lives. End of.
A
female
reader, xanthic +, writes (25 August 2009):
 It's typical of men that are mentally immature to take the route of playing the victim when they're not getting what they want. You're basically telling your fiancee she's not good enough. You obviously shouldn't be getting married to anyone if you're so concerned about adding to your list of sexual partners, rather than making sure your future wife is happy and proving to her you can be trusted.
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A
male
reader, DLover  +, writes (2 August 2009):
People in general have a 50% divorce rate, but that rate is much higher for people who marry too early.
23 is too early, especialy if this is who you feel, and I perfectly understand you, 20s guys have a very high sex drive.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (2 August 2009): You are no where near ready or mature enough for a commitment like marriage. Breake it off with her so she can find someone decent who isnt desperate to shag anything that moves. I have plent of friends you age who have settled down because they are in love. You say you love this person.....you dont even know the meaning of the word mate!!!!!!
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A
male
reader, wherestheinstructions? +, writes (2 August 2009):
And what's the something horrible that she's done to you ?
This doesn't sound like a good basis for a relationship, let alone enagagement and marriage.
You won't change her and she won't change you, and unless you accept that right now, neither of you will be completely happy.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (2 August 2009): If you don't want to break up with her, then you're going to have to make this sacrifice. You don't play around in marriages unless both people want to be adventerous, and emotionally blackmailing her is NOT the way to go about it. You can either break up with her, though keep in mind what you're losing, or marry her and accept that you can't fulfill some of your desires. Whatever you do, do not cheat on her, or expect her to change her mind.
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