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anonymous
writes:Hi guys, Just wandered if any of you can help with my dating. I’m 33 and still looking for love. I don’t have much of a social circle anymore so am relying on internet dating, and dates are few and far between. When I do meet, there always seems to be chemistry on the first couple of dates but then it goes a bit stale. By that stage, I run out of ideas of where to date next and the banter starts to run dry. Obviously by then we haven’t had a smooch, and we then end up calling it a day as there is no chemistry. Is it me that is killing it?? Its as if I get sucked into the ‘friend zone’ with girls . I think I need to put this part of my life right asap so I don’t waste any more time and end up being single all my lifeCan any of you guys/girls recommend) how to keep things fresh on dates so that the banter continues even after the 4/5th date and may help me develop my dates into relationships? Thanks in advance ;-) Reply to this Question
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (2 October 2011): Answer to Basschick, Thanks for your reply, but I do question your advice. A man being adventurous might be attractive to you but I don’t think its good advice to assume that I haven't’ lived enough life’ to be attractive to women just because I may not have lots of active/adventurous hobbies. Admittedly I don’t have many, I have basic moral and appreciate the basic things in life. A walk in the park, the sunset, a bag of chips on the pier. What’s so wrong with that? I don’t think it is right to change the way I am just to be attractive. I just need to find a way to show my qualities on my dates to find a girl who endears to them. Any one else agree with me here?
Regarding Moonknights answer, yes I have read David Deangelo’s book in high hope of changing my dating fortunes. He seems to base his methods of being attractive by being ‘cocky & funny’ and tells you that this is the way that you must be to get girls attracted to you. The fact is that not all men are like that ( me for example) A I mentioned above, it’s a sad world we live in if we need to act in a certain way or portray a certain personality to get a partner. I did actually try doing his techniques, striking up convos randomly and found it just want me. You obviously had success. Maybe you wee a cocky/funny guy anyway?
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reader, Basschick  +, writes (1 October 2011):
 Well you have to be interesting to keep things interesting. Maybe you haven't lived enough "life" to be stimulating to women. What are your hobbies? What things attract you? Do you like adventure, travel? Are you spontaneous? I can tell you what attracted me to my husband was his adventurous side.I met him (around your age) and he had already traveled quite a bit and done some outrageous things, like caving, fighting forest fires. He liked camping, fishing, hiking. He was also a musician so his "hobby" was music. He coaxed me out of my shell and we joined a band together. I already knew how to play bass and guitar, so we had music in common, but I was very shy about singing. When I first met him, I sat back and allowed him to talk about his life experiences. Of course you can't hog all the conversation otherwise you seem self centered. You have to ask the the other person what they like to do and find out how they're wired. My husband has always been comfortable in his own skin, which I found very sexy. He didn't try to impress me, he was just being himself. But his goofy side always made me laugh He had firm ideas about things but always had an interesting tale to share. One of our first dates we met up with some of his friends and played pool. It was great to see them interacting together, joking around, all trying to impress me. I hope this helps you find your way.
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reader, Moonknight +, writes (1 October 2011):
 I had a very similar discussion with a friend recently as he seems to be doing similar things with females and ending up in the friends zone.I'm not expert on women nor dating but there is one man i know who is, and that is David Deangelo, i've learnt alot from this guy, you should youtube him.One of the things i see that happen with dating sites is the expectations, that is pretty much what dating sites are all about, they all portraits the imagine that the perfect person is out there, and people especially women go for this alot because if they don't find the perfect man... you click next, the thing is, alot of women end up clicking next for years to come.Expectations on dates very lame and do not give any relationship time to grow, i'm just going to put this blunt and say what many people aren't willing to say about dating site or even dating in general.That is, if you don't meet the same lame imagine of being a tall dark handsome man with flowers on a first date your fuck and if you behave any different from being a sweet gentle soft kind, pulling out the chair for a woman kind of man you are fucked. All that is a fantasy and not real life, because given the choice the only woman who's going home with that chap are the lonely desperate kind, all the others are going off with the strange dangerous man who makes them feel so different and naughty all over.So ignore the dating flow for a bit and try something new, somewhere you can always meet women is a busy pub, you don't have to actually find someone there, however you can easily becomes friends of friends who come there often who has alot of female friends that'll invite you out to events and these are real women not robots from dating sites who follow the same boring routine.I personally think you are confident enough to pull this off but i don't think you are forward enough to do so. Be more forward, it's that simple.At the end of a date for example, rather than try to kiss her (where it might be a little bit too awkward to do so) you can always be dead forward with her hold her hand and say to her face, "I want to kiss you" this would surprise any woman, and leaves her open for a quick nipple on her lips and then you can go.A kiss like that say alot, one it shows you are interested and two, you haven't left her feeling weird about you, you would have left the feeling of a different and dangerous man, women likes that.I'm sure you could pull this off. look up david deangelo and even buy his book, it will be cash worth spending
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female
reader, Eyespy17  +, writes (1 October 2011):
I can't speak for British girls, but as an American girl - if I've been on four dates with a man and he hasn't tried to kiss me - I'd think he's not interested or I'd lose interest because he has no swagger or confidence (I.e. Sex appeal) . I'm not talking about a huge makeout by the 4th date, but at least a good night smooch on the lips to see if there's something there. Have you tried to make a move?
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reader, anonymous, writes (1 October 2011): I think you should be active. Go for nature hikes with them. Go mini putting or golfing. Start a hobby, if you are good at dancing or piano or playing any instruments start that up so whenever u feel you have time on your hands then you can fill up some space and have many stories to tell the person you are with about. Become involved, it doesn't neccessarily have to be a date as in a dinner date. Meet them in person and watch a movie then play board games and whenever the person loses there has to be a wage as in deal. Be creative don't be afraid of who you are and just go out there and have fun.
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reader, anonymous, writes (1 October 2011): I thought this post was from a woman, because I know tons of women who feel exactly this way. I feel this way sometimes. But I have to say I've burned out on internet dating and I'm not sure it's the best way to meet people. I think what's so problematic about internet dating is not so much that there isn't potential chemistry, but the heightened level of expectation that comes with using the technology. People can project so much fantasy and hope on to an internet profile and then be disappointed in real life....even if you get along with the person, you might feel like you might be settling for ordinary reality because you constantly compare them to the ideal in your mind...Online, you might lose interest in a person who if you met in other circumstances, you would be a little more curious about. It's too easy to just surf to someone else's page.
For analogy sake, say I get to look at a few catchy sentences in a book online. I can convince myself it might be a fantastic book, especially if the cover is nice. Then I purchase the book and I try to read it, but I'm bored a quarter of the way in, because I think I know how it's going to end. So I go drop that book and find another. I hope that analogy conveys what I mean...
I would also say to stop insisting that life has to revolve around a "relationship". Right now, your life seems to be revolving around what you see as a lack of a relationship. Like dortohydix suggested, if you seek companionship, seek out activities you enjoy doing with other people. I use meetup.org to pursue my interests with others; running groups, cards, and other personal interests I have. I'm pretty sure they have meetup.org in the UK. At this point, that is the only sort of online profile I have and I have to say I've met more people this way than through online dating...
Above all, there are tons of people your age (and older) who feel the same way, so even if you do feel lonely, rest assured you have plenty of company.
Good luck.
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reader, Dorothy Dix +, writes (1 October 2011):
Hi there. Maybe as you are meeting ladies on an internet dating site, you are going out with those who you think you are attracted to, and once you actually meet them and get to know them more, you find that there is no real chemistry after all.Hence, the friends thing - as opposed to being a couple.This might be part of the problem.You might be dating them, believing you are attracted to them simply from their photograph, and you might be feeling a bit obligated to go out, because you have chatted for a while.Perhaps what might be more useful to you, would be to begin a hobby which you find fun and where you are likely to meet men and women with the same mutual interests.It's always better meeting people in person rather than over the internet, where you only get about half of what the reality is. Not to say anyone lies, more that a whole lot more is said when you are face to face in the first place. Having met in person initially. It's vastly different.So what about taking up an interest where you can meet real people?Interests like -(1) Bushwalking.(2) Learning to dance - many different types of dancing.(3) Playing Golf.The opportunities for meeting women are virtually endless.Once you do meet someone - in person - within a short period of time, the chemistry will either be there or it won't be. It won't be very long though.The reason you haven't had any real meaningful relationships with young women, has most likely been because of what I was saying to you earlier - that the chemistry wasn't there in the first place. Otherwise, it would have definitely resulted in a relationship of boyfriend and girlfriend status.So chemistry, is really what you are seeking.Generally speaking, internet dating is probably a waste of time for you, for obvious reasons.
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